Boyfriend has erectile problems

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Boyfriend has erectile problems
5
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 7:19pm

Hi,

I'm new to this board but have posted on others on ivillage. I have a question now that seems better suited to this board.

I have been dating someone new for about a month now, he's 32, I'm 33, both divorced. The problem is, we've recently started having sex, well we sort of have, and he is having trouble getting and/or keeping an erection! I have never experienced this before, and I'm not sure what to make of it or how to handle it!

The first time we were intimate, he had bought these condoms that had some sort of a numbing agent to help the man last longer, and after he put it on, he lost his erection and said he lost all feeling in his penis, and he was unable to perform the rest of the night. I believe him about the numbness situation, because what little bit of that stuff got on me, I was also numb for about an hour! So, I sorta bought the whole story that time.

Then this past weekend we were up for trying again, and this time he's got a bad cold, and he was blaming the difficulties on that! So, now I'm getting concerned. He was able to get erect for us to have intercourse twice, and both times he came within maybe a minute. Other than that, each time we'd try, he either couldn't get hard at all, or he'd lose it after a few thrusts.

This is sooo frustrating! And I'm not sure how to handle it! I have tried to be really supportive and not make a big deal out of it and not act like I really care, because I don't want to upset him. I know men can be quite sensitive about that sort of thing! And I'm sure he was really nervous with it being our first time(s) together. And honestly, he's better at oral and manual stimulation than anyone I've ever been with! So, overall, I was quite satisfied. BUT, I do want intercourse as well.

Any thoughts on this? Do you buy these excuses? Or does he have a deeper problem? And how should I handle it?

Thanks!
Sandy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 7:43pm
Erectile problems? He came twice...he just didn't have anything left! ;-) Ease up lassie.
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 8:26pm
Perhaps I should clarify, this was over a 48 hour period. Not like I expected him to be able to perform 5 times in one evening. He came one time each day. And we attempted BEFORE that each time, and he wasn't able to follow through. I'm not saying he came twice within a couple hours and then couldn't get hard for the rest of the evening. THAT I may not be concerned about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 8:40pm

I doubt he has a deeper problem, what happened is not that unusual.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2005
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 8:50pm

I agree with everything cl-issytish is saying. I personally have had this same problem with every woman I've been with. The patient ones were rewarded with the best handwork and oral and the ones who didn't hang in there, well, that was their loss.

My personal intention is always to give a woman at least 2 dozen chances...there are women that are lousy lays too...

you shud persist when there are so many other good things. Its really tough to find a good G/F or B/F and it will likely be worth your effort to see this thru

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 11:43pm

One month! Four weeks! You two don't even know each other yet! Nervousness probably accounts for his problems.....some guys aren't sex machines, and it takes them a while to get comfortable with a new partner. It's not like he's never gotten an erection.....he HAS, so you know he doesn't have a physical problem.

Patience is a virtue.....and as you said he's making up for it in other ways. What do you know about his history? He may not have dated much before or after his marriage.

You need to lighten up on him. Should you "buy" his excuses? Why not? Six months from now maybe not, but after only a few times...... Does he have a deeper problem? Only he can answer that.