boyfriend has no skill

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2004
boyfriend has no skill
5
Mon, 07-04-2005 - 10:41am
Okay i have been with my boyfriend for two years now, he is wonderful except for one huge aspect- oral sex does not come easy for him. He basically he has no idea what he is doing and well after two years i must say i am rather sick of it, i don't really find it fair how i can make him feel "good" and then he just makes me fall asleep. He knows he is bad, because well i have told him, and he asks for help but honestly i don't know what to say to him. I've never had a boyfriend before him, which may sound pathetic, so i don't have any tips or advice. If anyone could please help me, i don't know how haha, maybe if there is a website to teach him? Or personally advice, or hell even a camp i can send him to. I would appreciate anything. thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 07-04-2005 - 11:30am

Well, hate to tell you but if he has asked you for help in what will feel good to you and you


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2005
Mon, 07-04-2005 - 12:27pm
Don't be too hard on him. Sure, it's frustrating, but you love him right? When someone says you're not good at something or gets upset because you're not doing it right, it's discouraging and probably makes him feel bad. Instead focus on the things he does that make you feel good, encourage him, and let him know he's doing a good job. He can probably find plenty of books and websites on how to perform cunnilingus, but ultimately, if you are putting him down, he probably won't want to do it.
Avatar for nodinero
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Mon, 07-04-2005 - 12:34pm
Hi, my dh was married before me and had a few partners before that marriage. However, with me he learned a whole new way of satisfying a woman. I wasn't like any of the past relationships he's had. I always thought he was amazing with oral but soon discovered that I wanted to try this or that, and it felt better if he did certain things differently. He and I have always been very open about what feels good and not. I basically told him exactly what I liked and didn't, in detail. I also told him why I liked or didn't like those things. For example, I'm not one who enjoys fast and hard stimulation because it's too much friction and I lose a lot of sensitivity. Try being very honest with what you want, watch a porn and point out the things that you like or wouldn't like when they are having oral sex. I'm sure he wants to please you, but he's just clueless. At this point, all he knows is he's not satisfying you and I'm sure that makes him apprehensive about oral sex.

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Mon, 07-04-2005 - 4:13pm

Telling him how bad he is will certainly not make him feel good about himself! If he's new to it, how is he supposed to know what he's supposed to do? He asked you for your help, and you don't know what to tell him? If you know enough to tell him that you DON'T like it, then you must know what you DO like.....

Oral sex is mostly clitoral stimulation. Are you sure he even knows what or where it is? Have a "show and tell" session.....point it out to him, and then tell him what feels good.......there's only so much he can do to stimulate it....go faster, go slower, be more gentle, be more aggressive. If you don't know....then let him experiment, and then TELL him.......YES....that's what I want, or NO, not like that.

If you're not willing to work with him, don't blame him. If you want something, you have to ASK for it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 07-04-2005 - 9:15pm

As the others have said, if you don't know what you like then how in the world is he expected to know? Hell, he even asked for help and you couldn't - and you're the one with the vagina and vulva.

Forget about thinking of ways that HE can learn how to do it. How about YOU learn how to do it? That way you can teach him how to do it and on the way you'll be able to figure out what your body likes too.