Boyfriend has sex problems

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2005
Boyfriend has sex problems
13
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 9:10pm

If someone can help me that would be great.

Heres the problem, my boyfriend has a problem cuming inside me. When we started to date he told me he was a virgin and never had sex, but was givin blowjobs. I asked why he never had sex and he told me that his ex girlfriend wouldn't becuse she said he had a small penis and it would do nothing for her. he told me she used him for his money and could make him do what she wanted him to do. basically he was whipped.

At first i started out with foreplay, then gave him blowjobs. he came everytime. Then when i felt it was time to have sex he could get his penis to stay erect. he would be hard as rock then soft right before he would incert his penis. I told him it was ok and not to be ashamed, but he beat himself up every time. I told him he was nervous, but he told me he was a guy and that guys are not suppose to get nervous. I thought it was becuase he was a virgin one, two he was scared that he couln't please me becuase he always says he has a small penis, and thrid was becuse i told him he was the sixth boyfriend i was going to have sex with, and that out of all of them only one made me orgamsim, and that only happened once. I told him i couldn't orgasim but i loved the way a penis feels inside me.

Then one day i tried agian to have sex with him and i grabed his penis and put it inside me when it was starting to go soft, but it was hard enof to go in. He moned in pleasure and began to become erect hard as rock. We had sex but as i became tried and dizzy he still wasnt close to cumming. so i gave him a blowjob after and i never heard a man mone or yell when he cumed before like he did. For about three days we had sex about four times and out of the 4 times he went soft 1 time after awhile, and never came on the other three. he told me it hurt him for me to be on top, and that sometimes he dosn't feel anything unless we go slow, but i like fast and hard, so he goes fast and hard for me. but when he goes fast and hard, he dosn't feel any pleasure. He told me he is close to cuming sometimes, but never does. he told me i was to loose, or his dick wasn't big enof for me. i told him it was just fine and it pleasures the heck out of me. I do not fake it ethier i am a screamer. everytime we had sex i want him to cum inside me but he cant and i yell it out everytime.

Them he gets depressed about not being a normall man not being able to enjoy sex the entire time, not cumming inside me and having to ask me to give him a blowjob so he can come. i dont mind giving him a blowjob if it makes him happy. He always tells me sorry, then goes in one of his depressing moods that i hate, but it lasts only a couple of hours because i make him go to the club or a movie, but i know he is still upset.

I thought it was mabe he wansnt attrated to me, but he tells me its not that and that if he wasnt attrated to me, he wounldnt't be my boyfriend.

So the basic problem is that he cant cum inside me, but he can cum inside my mouth. He dosn't feel anything sometimes when we have sex. he comes close to cuming but never does. I dont know what to do about that problem, his mental mind about himself and his thinking about my pleasures and needs, and how to solve that problem.

if anybody can help thanks.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2005
Tue, 01-04-2005 - 3:26am

I've been a similar situation, but I almost never cum when having sex with my girlfriend. My girlfriend has had multiple partners before and I was her first. She laid down some ground rules from the get go, probably why to this day I don't always cum when having sex with her. I love her deeply, but mentally a block is in place.

It sounds to me that something more occured with his previous girlfriend that is he is not telling you. I don't consider myself large, especially considering her past relationships I am the smallest of the bunch, but I've learned to look past size and look forward to the pleasure of it all. I understand that not having a large one is frustating, but there are many ways to make up for it. I've always found that massages before sex make up for a lot of ground and cuddlign afterwards. It makes up for my short comings, no pun intended. I am also concern about not pleasing my girlfriend adequately, but I found that there are many other ways to make up for it.

My advice would be for your boyfriend to understand that he does not always have let his penis dictate his manhood. Manhood is based on other factors, not just by the sheer size of the tool. At least from the sound of things you are not hung up about size, but rather enjoy the emotional aspects of the raltionship as well. If he takes care of things, is compassionate, , is not selffish, caring, and willing to be responsible he is definitely fulfilling his duties. Penis size is a taboo that haunts every man, I know, but can be overcome if his willing to focus on his strengths and ignore his misunderstood weaknesses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2005
Tue, 01-04-2005 - 6:21pm

Thanks Question123 for your thoughts, But i still would like to know why he cant cum at all inside me. He cums in my mouth, but NOT INSIDE ME. You would think a virgin would have no problem cumming, but he does. all i want to do is make him happy, and i want to cum inside me so i can feel connected to him.

Again thanks for the reply, and i agree. Size does not matter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 01-04-2005 - 6:58pm

A few things going on here that I could think of.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Wed, 01-05-2005 - 12:40pm

I agree with Tish about you vocalizing. I would have a problem in that situation if the girl was begging me to cum.

One other thing - have you had specific talks about birth control? Sometimes when you are young and not married, the guy might be hesistant to cum niside you because he is afraid of getting you pregnant. If he's not sure if you are using BC, he might be hesitant.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Wed, 01-05-2005 - 2:03pm

Hi Crazy,

I haven't read the other posts, so forgive me if I am being redundant.

Orgasm for both men and women is a very opening experience; it is really making yourself completely vulnerable to another. One has to feel really safe in order to have an orgasm. Rather than both of you worrying about him having an orgasm while inside your vagina, you will be better served by focusing on being fully intimate. What I mean by that, is to work on becoming closer in a mental/spiritual way. Share your dreams, your inner thoughts without judgment from either of you. In this way you will begin to feel safer and more open. In fact, it will help you to orgasm as well. Allow sex to just 'be', without trying to make it a certain way. Have no goals other than touching, being close and discovering the your partner.

Focusing too much on orgasm is the opposite of what it takes to have one.

Peace.
Scott.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2005
Thu, 01-06-2005 - 8:59pm
thanks tish, that helps a lot. we are trying diffrent positions, and when i gave him oral sex first, he almost came inside me, thanks for the advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2005
Thu, 01-06-2005 - 9:06pm
thanks scott, we will be sure to try that. all i want to do is make him happy. thanks for the reply.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2004
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 9:24pm
This is very confusing to me because its weird that he can cum in your mouth with no problem but when it comes to cumming where he is suppose to (inside of you)he can't. Have you ever thought about that maybe he's been with a man because anytime you have a man that loves blow jobs that's on the level of men stuff, I think he should be honest and another thing find out from the other girls because if its a problem then you need to find out what's really going on.I know a guy that I was dating and he would be hard as a rock but whenit was time to go inside he would go soft and it piss me off because I thought it was me, and I thought maybe because he hadn't been with a woman in a long time that the excitement of it did this, well I notice that this gay guy was always hanging around and I didn't know why, and when I would ask him about why this guy was over his house he would get offensive (then I knew and I thank God that it did go soft and he dws never able to stay up. I think its something you need to investigate I don't know if you african or white but you know brothers are on the "down low" and yo would be surprise they are just using sisters for a front. Just watch who he hangs with and how he acts around male friends, girl you should be able to tell watch and learn, because I think if you do find out he is "thank the lord that he couldn't and the thing about him saying it hurts when he cums he need to go to a doctor. Just keep an close eye on things and you have to realizes too if a man wants your mouth always on his stuff and not on his lips then he don't have much respect for you or women in gentle he should be wanting to kiss you in your mouth. Wake up!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 9:57pm

<<>>


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 10:44am

It's confusing for you because you've never encountered it. This is your chance to understand it!

A man who likes fellatio is gay? Wow, then every man I've ever been with is really gay? I would never have known! Using that same reasoning, then I guess every woman who likes cunnilingus is a lesbian? I guess so, because that's what lesbians do with each other! OMG! I never knew I was a lesbian!!!

Guess what hon, very heterosexual men like BJ's, and some of them even like Anal play!!! Sex play is universal, hetero's AND homo's like many of the same things.

Pages