Boyfriend masturbating in bed next to me

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2007
Boyfriend masturbating in bed next to me
9
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 3:21am

Recently I have gained a new official boyfriend. We just put a title on it, but we have been seeing eachother for about three months. This is both of our first times to have an official bf/gf.


So heres the first thing, call it an issue, I don't know, in our relationship. I just don't know what to think about this....


I stayed at his house last night and forgot to turn off my phone alarm which went off at 6:30 this morning. It woke us both up. After I turned it off I got back in bed and fell almost back into a sound sleep. That is until I hear this noise, I turn over a little and realize it is the sound of my M masturbating. I was half asleep when I realized it, but he knew I heard it. I turned back over, still half asleep and thought I heard him say "I am going to be such a crappy boyfriend....You deserve so much better." Or something to that extent. He obviously felt guilty.


We haven't had sex yet and we are both virgins. We've just done heavy manual stimulation, which of course happend before we went to bed last night. Should I be offended that he was doing this? I mean, I get turned on just laying next to him too, but I don't start touching myself. I don't know if I should be making a big deal out of this or not. I am the first girl he has ever really dated or been been

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 9:24am

He thought you were sleeping and probably didn't want to wake you for some action or he just wanted a quick release.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 10:46am

Guys masturbate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 10:52am
Just a hunch, but he probably would have loved it if you had started touching yourself. Most guys love watching our partner's pleasure when she gets herself off, and mutual masturbation is a great way of being intimate before you're ready for full blown intercourse.







iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2005
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 11:21am
Also, if this is his first time with a real GF, many men wake up normally with an erection. The alarm that woke you both up may have made him realize that he was erect and wanted to "take care of it" before you woke up and saw it - he could have been embarrassed. I wouldn't say this is a big deal.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2006
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 11:25am

Hi there! I gotta tell ya, if I were a young stud again, if I were sleeping next to my new girlfriend and I had never had sex with a woman I'd either be masturbating or there would be one heck of a wet dream heading my way.

Let me give you a tip that can lead to a very happy life and healthy relationship with your boyfriend and for whomever else may share your bed in the future.

Don't place hangups on anything sexual as long as it's consensual, isn't illegal, and doesn't hurt anyone. Nothing, I mean nothing can bring a couple closer together, can create the intimacy and the bond that every man and woman seeks than open and loving sexuality.

Try to understand that he is a man and he needs release as others have stated. Until you both decide the time is right and actually have sex he's either going to do it in front of you with your blessing or he's going to do it in secret and feel guilty for doing it and for hiding it from you.

You both have something brand new and precious...you've found someone to share time with, and possibly your life with. Begin by being open, by talking, by understanding and supporting, and by enjoying that which you can give to each other.

Begin by accepting and encouraging each other to be who you are, to feel free to do those things that fulfill you, and promise to never feel ashamed for doing that which comes naturally.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2007
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 12:03pm
Thanks for all your replies. It gives me some insight which is good because I have little in the area! Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 12:25pm

Welcome to the board midstrea08.

I wouldn't think it's wrong, or be offended. Some people are comfortable masturbating in bed next to their partner. This is a new experience for both of you, and I would bet he was either trying to get your attention, or he was overwhelmed by his new situation and thought you were asleep.

A lot of people keep their masturbation habits to themselves, but chances are -- they still masturbate. It will bring you closer to your partner if you can be open about it, and feel comfortable. If you would have liked to have joined him, maybe mention that to him. Saying something like, "I wish you would have woken be up...." He probably didn't know what he should do as this is all new to him too. The other thing you could do is let it go, and see if it happens again. If it does, then talk to him about how you're feeling. Whether you would prefer to join him, help him, or you would prefer for him to not do that in bed with you. Whatever you are comfortable with is fine.

If you think it's wrong that he masturbates while he's involved with you -- then you need to look at why you feel that way. In a lot of ways, it's much better for you to learn at this early stage that people masturbate -- even when they are in a relationship. It's nothing to be embarrassed by, but if you think it doesn't happen, then it's likely to take you off guard. It has nothing to do with sexual satisfaction within the relationship, or how he feels about you. The only time masturbation should cause a problem within a relationship is if it is chosen over having an encounter with your partner.













my partner in the siggy exchange




iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2007
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 6:32pm
Everyone has given you great advice. Everyone masturbates and it is a normal, healthy part of being the sexual being that we are. I personally wouldn't be put off by my BF taking care of himself next to me as long as it didn't bother my sleeping. In fact, we both MB in bed next to each other and we enjoy it.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Sun, 10-07-2007 - 9:27pm