boyfriend upset about my vibrator
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boyfriend upset about my vibrator
| Sat, 03-26-2005 - 7:29am |
Hey all,
Looking for some friendly advice on an intimite subject.
Let me start by explaining that I have never had an orgasm with a man. I have a boyfriend, and have explained this to him, and he understands. I love our sex life and nothing compares to being intimite with someone you love, but the orgasm thing does bother me a little. It is also a difficult, lengthy process to get there by myself, So out of curiousity I decided to get a vibrator. My boyfriend however was upset by this. He feels inadequete. I was hoping it could become something for us both to enjoy, but he just feels like I am cheating on him or something. How can I make him understand I am just exploring my own sexuality?
Thanks, :-S
Froglet

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You can't "make him", any more than he can "make you" have an orgasm.
You can explain the facts of life to him. Fact #1 (relative to this discussion, at least) is that lots of (most?) women don't get orgasms from men the way they show in porn flicks...they need extra help, some by finger, some by vibrator.
Once that fact is explained, it's up to him to decide if he wishes to be "threatened" by a chunk of plastic and metal, or if he wants to be thrilled that you actively enjoy and explore your sexuality, and that you aren't just a passive lump. He's nuts if he choses anything other than the second. :)
Maybe letting him "take the wheel" and use it on you would help his acceptance, but not sure if he'd appreciate that YOU know where it goes better than he ever could. Giving him something to do might help, too -- my job while my GF is using the vibrator is to stimulate other parts of her body -- breasts, thighs, etc.
Personally, I love it when a woman shares with me the fact (and how) she takes care of herself. Reassures me that she's interested in the sex, not just "doing it because he wants it". And yes, as you say, it is an "intimite" subject, one that isn't commonly discussed and sometimes not admitted to, so it is very special when a woman let's me in on that part of her life.
I'd be tempted to say that if he's got insecurities over this, there are likely other problems that will pop up, too. For reference, my GF generally needs her vibrator to achieve what she's after. Do I *wish* I could stimulate her perfectly every time (or even most of the time)? Sure. However, the fact that I can't every time doesn't reflect poorly on me, her or anyone else...just the way it is.
If he loves you and cares about you achieving an orgasm, then he should be supportive. Recently my GF and I have been having great sex because I encouraged her to explore herself. Wow I was amazed at how much sexual energy she had after finding her sexuality.
We had a couple of toys, but she never really like to use them until now. She now likes to explore herself and wants me to watch her. It is the biggest turn on for any guy to watch their GF take care of herself. I've been able to learn a couple of new things about her and have been able to explore new sexual avenues with her because she is more comfortable with herself and her sexuality.
Tell your boyfriend from one guy to another that it will only lead to better sex between both of you. There is always spontaneous sex now. I am amazed at how horny women can get once they are completely open about their sexual appetitie. I for one enjoy it. A vibrator does not replace a man, it just helps supplement the process. I know my GF needs it to get an orgasm, which I've come to accept. My acceptance has given me bigger rewards than getting hung up on it should be me getting her to her climax.
You BF should just roll with it. If your happy then your BF will also be happy, just my motto.
I have thought about buying one for my DH and I to use together but he is STRONGLY against the idea!! He has said that he will never let one into his house! I don't get what is so bad! I mean we would only use it together, and it's not like I am replacing him by any means! I have gone to a few Slumber Parties where they have sold them and have a veriety to choose from and I would really like to try one but I will have to work on him some more! Oh well I wish you luck!!
MS
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