Boyfriend's Low Sex Drive?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2006
Boyfriend's Low Sex Drive?
2
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 9:07am

Hey everyone...my boyfriend and I have been together for 15 months...when we first started going out I was the big V and he was quite experienced so to get with a virgin was different for him! We had sex and I actually got pregnant and just had a baby in September :) But back to the point of this thread...when we first started going out he was all about having sex, was somewhat proud that he's as experienced as he is, told me when we moved into our apt he'd show me all these new positions which never happened. At the beginning of our relationship he cheated on me which has always made me feel somewhat inadequate when it comes to sex.

But my concern is when we first met he was proud of what a sexual being he was and now we can go 4 or 5 weeks and he won't even think anything of it. I feel like the only time we have sex as after I mention something to him...like I'm nagging him. I'm a little shy but if I try to intiate anything I get the response of "I'm tired." He works full time and we have a new baby so I understand how tiring life can be but a big part of me thinks it has to do with me.

What do you think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 10:12am

I think you're being a typical female.....trying to blame your relationship problems on yourself, and being blind to the "man" you've got yourself mixed up with. MOST men work full time, and many work long hours....that has nothing to do with their relationship, and for SURE having a new baby has nothing to do with HIM being tired. You're the one who should be tired!

You're confusing his "experience" with knowledge....a man can have sex with hundreds of women, and still know nothing about women, and their needs, and "numbers" have nothing to do with being a good lover, and for SURE are nothing to be "proud" of! Your "inexperience" means nothing, because he's still getting sex IF he wants it. He talks a good show....he's going to show you this and that, but when it comes down to it, he does nothing.

You two are together because there was a baby on the way, and you have a lot of things to work out, things that should have been worked out before you got so deeply involved. NOW you have to work them out. You two need to learn to communicate, and if you're feeling left out sexually, you have to tell him that, and come to some kind of compromise....so that you're both happy. Sex isn't all there is to a relationship....but if there are sex problems, there are other problems outside the relationship. You two have a child now, and you have to have a good relationship to raise a happy healthy child. If you don't have a good relationship, then it will affect your child. Maybe you need some counselling. Maybe you just need to learn to respect yourself to the point that you tell him what you need and want from him, and settle for nothing less than that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2006
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 11:17am

Thank you for your message!! It really hit everything perfectly. I guess I should have stated that we do have a really good relationship for all we've been through so far. My communication skills are probably worse than his but I've been trying to work on that my whole life not just in this relationship! I'm smart enough to know that if it's not
really working out then for my lil girl's sake I will get out of the relationship.

We are kinda forced into working through a lot rather than just taking our time but I love him regardless of the things we still need work through just wanted to see other's opinions on the subject.

Sex definitely isn't ALL their is to relationships, especially now having our daughter but I guess after having a baby you're a lil more insecure because you don't like you did before and it's easy to think that that could be the problem!

Thanks again!!