'On a break" and what is allowed

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2007
'On a break" and what is allowed
5
Sun, 07-15-2007 - 7:22pm

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now and we recently decided to "take a break". What that means exactly, I'm not really sure. I told him I would call him within a week. I honestly don't see the relationship going any further, so a part of me just wants to finalize this relationships end. I feel guilty about not wanting to try and fix our issues, but I believe I am ready to move on. Why do I feel so bad about this?

Last night, I went out with some friends and ended up having sex with a good friend of mine. I have not had sex in over a year-and-a-half (my current bf is saving himself for marriage). It was the best sex I have ever had. I feel horrible about betraying my boyfriend, but at the same time, we are on a break right?

I have been unable to find happiness in the relationship I am currently involved in, but that doesn't make it right for me to go behind his back right? Did I cheat? Was I just exploring my options?

I need comfort and support! Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sun, 07-15-2007 - 7:53pm

It depends on what your definition of

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sun, 07-15-2007 - 9:17pm

Welcome to the board seattlegirl2007.

Some times people take a break to sort through their thoughts. For some couples, they may decide that they don't want to see other people during that break. To me, part of the reason why you are taking a break is to determine if you want to continue with your current relationship the way that it exists.

It seems to me that you are not willing to continue with the issues you have between you, and I don't see mention of any agreement to not see other people. Often when people first break up, there are a lot of emotions to deal with. Some people look for comfort in the arms of another, and some people look for experiences that they weren't able to have while in that realtionship. Perhaps you were looking for both of those when you found yourself with your friend. I don't think you betrayed your BF, as you are on a break.

I also think that very often the "I'll call you in a week" is really a way to ease into the breakup, thinking it won't be as painful.

I think you are trying to be honest with yourself and realize that this isn't the right relationship for you. To ease your own feelings of guilt and pain, as well as the pain the breakup may cause your BF, it really would be a better idea to end the relationship, IMO. Instead of making any commitments for future phone calls, dates, etc., let him know that you need a clean break for now.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sun, 07-15-2007 - 9:44pm
Being on a break means different things to different....ie...remember Ross and Rachel?? LOL sorry that's the first thing that came to mind while reading your post. You obviously aren't into this relationship so I would just end it for good if that's what you want to do. You may just be feeling "guilty" because you know you may hurt him, but we people break up someone always gets hurt....I wish you luck!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 12:34am

"Taking a break" means you've both decided that you needed time away from each other. Some couples set "ground rules".....but that's just silly anyway. If a relationship needs a break, it's not a very good one anyway. A good relationship never needs a break.

Do yourself and him a favor, and call him and tell him you've thought about it, and it's not working for you, and it's over. You don't need to tell him anything about what you've been doing, it's no longer his business. Maybe that's just what you needed to realize he wasn't the right one for you. You don't have to wait for him to end it, just do it yourself. Even if it's not what he wanted, it doesn't matter because YOU no longer want it....and you have to do what YOU have to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Mon, 07-16-2007 - 9:08am

sounds like you received some great advice here already. If you have been seeing your BF for six months and you don't feel the relationship is going well I agree with the rest, why prolong it? After six months you should know if you are compatible or not and it definitely sounds to me like you are not happy with the guy.

Don't feel guilty, but to ease your conscience you may want to just call the guy and set him free. I know that's hard too if he's a nice guy and you don't want to hurt him but if you aren't really happy in the relationship prolonging it is just going to hurt him more. Been there done that myself and I wasted 3 years of my time and his.

Good luck in whatever you decide!