broken orgasm

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2007
broken orgasm
3
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 9:53pm

My boyfriend recently asked me why I wasn't able to have an orgasm. I don't know was my reply. I know that 80% of women don't have them from just sex alone and need clit stimulation but even when he tries that I still can't have an orgasm. Of course I can have them when I do things but that gets old after a while and is rather impersonal. I have told him its not him but I think he's starting to get down about the whole thing. I'm no prude by any stretch and none of my previous boyfriends ever got me to. They never cared whether I did or not but this one does and I'd like to have an answer for why as well.
Or maybe I do and I just don't know. Sometimes I'll get all tingly but its not like when I have one on my own I just get really out of breath and tingly. There is no great release my whole body just feels like it does when your leg goes to sleep and gets all sparkled.
Do I have a depressed vagina? I just don't know and I'd really like an answer or some type of explanation as to why or maybe a how to fix it.

Please help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2007
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 11:18pm
You're vagina isn't depressed, don't worry. Unfortunately for women who love men (can't speak for lesbians), we rarely have an orgasm with our partners. It's only after he learns what turns you on and what feels good for you that he'd be able to get you off. It's not something you can explain to him, especially if you yourself don't really know. You've had this problem in the past, and you should consider yourself lucky to have a guy who actually cares if you orgasm. It's very normal. Actually the more you masturbate and discover what you like and the more experimenting you do with your boyfriend, the more likely you both can find a way to be closer and possibly "come" together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 11:33pm

Vaginas don't get depressed. Vaginas just accept what they're given. Vaginas don't bring on orgasms, either, unless you stimulate the "g" spot.

Your clitoris is where your orgasms come from. You're the one who has to learn how to have them, and your boyfriend can only help you with the right stimulation. He can do everything right, but if you don't know how to relax and allow them to happen, it won't happen. It also won't happen if you make it your goal. That means you're doing nothing but worrying about NOT having them, instead of enjoying what's going on. You get orgasms from pleasure, and if you're worrying about the orgasm, you're not paying attention to the pleasure. Forget the orgasm, learn to enjoy what's going on, and the orgasms will happen.

Tell your b/f not to worry about it, it has nothing to do with him, it has nothing to do with your feelings for him, it has nothing to do with his prowess as a lover. It's all up to you. Some women never learn how to just relax and allow them to happen. Some women NEVER have them, but they still enjoy sex.

Stop worrying about it, and start enjoying sex. Orgasms are just the icing on the cake, they're not the cake itself. Orgasms don't make sex good......good sex makes orgasms happen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 7:57am

Welcome to the board midgetkat.

It sounds like you just need to get your head in the right place when you are with your BF. Perhaps you are feeling a bit shy or self-conscious, which can keep you from obtaining your goal. Try to relax and just enjoy what you are experiencing. If you think something would feel better at some given point, let him know about it.

If you are masturbating frequently, that can possibly make a difference too. Your body may be 'conditioned' to having an orgasm through a particular type of stimulation. Also, if you are releasing your sexual tension, then perhaps you just don't feel the physical need to when you are with your BF. If you think that's even possible, just take a break from masturbation for a couple of weeks and see if that makes a difference.

During intercourse, either of you can stimulate your clitoris, or incorporate the use of a toy. Having an orgasm that he is part of should be helpful of his attitude. A lot of women need added stimulation, so he just needs to understand that -- and that it has nothing to do with him. There is a website, the-clitoris.com, that you may want to visit with him. It explains a lot about the female anatomy and the female orgasm.

It's great to have a guy that cares about your satisfaction, but if he dwells on it too much, it can be counterproductive. The last thing you should do is worry about how he will feel if you don't have an orgasm.



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