busted bf on adult sex personals

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2005
busted bf on adult sex personals
2
Tue, 04-19-2005 - 11:16am
my boyfriend is a sex addict! he wants it all the time and if he doesnt get it from me he takes care of it his self. i broke into his email and found him on a sex personals ad. he was talking about how he has a wonderful girlfriend but i cant keep up with him in bed. and all he wants is casual sex. i know he hasnt done anything with any of the girls who responded becuz he is with me all the time and calls me 3-4 times a day while at work. i just really dont know what to do or how i should actually feel about the situation. he says it's because he's the one who is always "wanted" when he goes out and now i get hit on by girls more than he does. does any1 really think it was just to boost his ego like he says it was?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2005
Tue, 04-19-2005 - 11:56am
From a guys perspective it is too easy to have a piece of pie during the day and calling you during the day is his way of leading you to believe nothing is going on. I cheat every once in a while. We as guys can go to work, have sex with a stranger, go back to work and go home and not feel bad about it. Sex to us is simply an act to perform, an animalistic urge to take care of things. I have been married for years and I have never been caught because I call and take care of things at home. The funny thing is that I also use personal ads and you'd be amazed at all the married women looking for some action on the side especially with all the men deployed right now. My suggestion, go play yourself and with a name like Naughty... I'm sure you won't have a problem with that.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-19-2005 - 12:41pm

Manipulating your partner to get your way, won't work, at least, not without doing damage to the relationship. IF your BF is attempting to pressure, shame, guilt or humiliate you into providing more sex, then he's just being immature. That's just not the way to go about getting what you want. And the personal ads are a way of threatening to take his "business elsewhere" unless you comply.

The only way to resolve a conflict, whether it be about sex, money, or anything else, in a relationship is to have an honest discussion about it and agree to find a reasonable solution that you both can live with.

It SOUNDS like your BF has some growing up to do and like you two need to compromise on freqency and you both have to be willing to give a little. He, in his expectations, and you in frequency...if that's possible. I mean, if you're already having sex 4 times a day, he's not being reasonable in his expectations and he's just using sex as compensation for something else he needs. And yes, he could actually be addicted to sex.

Personally, I have the higher sex drive in my marriage but we compromise on frequency and I take care of myself the rest of the time. That's the only way to deal with differing libidos without pressuring your partner.