Can disabled people "do it?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2004
Can disabled people "do it?"
23
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 12:57am
Why do some people believe that disabled people are "asexual" or have a

limited, if not unfulfilling, sex life?

People who are physically, visually, or even mentally impaired, can and do

enjoy sex and be satisfying lovers, don't they?

Is there research on the sexuality of disabled people?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 2:47am

>>Why do some people believe that disabled people are "asexual" or have a
limited, if not unfulfilling, sex life?<<


Because some people are ignorant twits.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 8:50am
I agree with Yasmin....there are many many different "disabilities", and your question would be like comparing apples and oranges.

There are physical disabilities, and mental disabilities. Physically, there are paraplegics, quadraplegics, people with missing limbs, etc. Mentally, there are different things......so it would depend on the individual case.

There are instances of mentally retarded people, or Down's syndrome people not only being sexually active but marrying and having children. Each situation has to be judged on the individual impairments.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 9:30am

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 11:30am
I could spend my entire weekend adding on to what these fine ladies have already said, but I'm just here to voice my with them. They said it all, game over. LOL!

I at least wanted to get in my support post here. Well said, ladies.

:)

:)

:)

:)

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 8:45pm
Because they fear anything that they perceive to be 'different' from them (be it physical differences, cultural or ethnic, whatever) and so they do not think that anyone that is 'different' from them can stil share traits. Many people are raised to think that someone with physical disabilities are 'different' and something to be talked about in whispers ("Why is that man in a wheelchair/walking funny/look different?" "Shhhhh....he might hear you. Don't point.") and if those differences are never explained in a matter of fact way, the discomfort and confusion linger.

I don't know about studies per se, but here is a great website - ican.com. It was started by a women who was a quadraplegic from age 16. There is tons of information on it, including pages on relationships and sexuality. One of the pages mentions some studies. The founder of *this* board works for ican and she was the one who introduced me to it.


Edited 10/2/2004 8:46 pm ET ET by tally33

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 11:37am
I avoided getting into this topic because I don't think that most people would agree with what I have to say, and was too lazy to do more research on it. However, I was doing some reasearch for the discussion on STD risk and oral sex and happened across an article on this very thing, which basically reinforces the common sense viewpoint (as opposed to the PC one). I have second hand experience with this issue, via my mother who, when I was 7, had a stroke caused by surgery that left her dissabled. Her disability is not as severe as many, she could walk for short distances and still do a lot of things for herself, although now at the age of 49 she is effectively wheelchair bound. Her manual dexterity is also very impaired and simple tasks such as writing and brushing her hair are extremely difficult. I can't really remember the way she was before, but from my perspective her disability has basically destroyed her. She is generally depressed most of the time and very bitter, although she sometimes tries to hide it. She often denies her disability in her quest to develope a new skill or hobby or something, and views her abilities unrealistically and then is extremely dissapointed when she fails. This happens a lot. Regarding her sexuallity, I'm just her kid, so I can't really say, but she has not had a relationship since then. An anecdote might give you a picture though. She started going to physio a few weeks ago at a rehab hospital where she spends the week and comes home on weekends. The other day she had me pick up some nair so she could remove the hair on her legs. I joked with her and asked "hey, you got a hot date or something?" and she just laughed derisively and said, "yeah, right. Would you want this?...Would you want to date me?" All I could think of to say was "Ha ha, of course not, you're my mom." Pretty lame, eh? Most probably think that is a cop out, and I should have said something more comforting. Well, it was a cop out. I should have said something better. I just can't interact in that way, and I am excrusiatingly uncomfortable dealing with that sort of thing. She definately got stuck with the wrong kid in that regard. Also, I suck at lieing. The real truth is that there probably ins't anyone who would want a relationship with her. She has low self esteem and it shows in her appearance. She smokes like a chimney, and my family is too poor to afford a lot of homecare or nice cloths (she can't hold her cigarettes very well so she burns holes in all her cloths). A lot of people who only casually think about disability don't really understand the messy details. There are bladder control problems and obesity problems caused by lack of mobility and other hygiene issues. Her depression and low self esteem has led to her developing unnatractive personality traits as well. There is also the fact that caring for her disabilities and her vulnerabilities would put such a huge burden in terms of responsibilities and limitations that someone who views disability from a safe distance as a politically correct "happiness is everywhere if you can just find it, there is someone for everybody, la la land" will never have the guts to understand. That is why I think it is such a joke when people say "oh, there is someone for everyone and hapiness is just around the corner..." blah blah blah. Of course people like that love to trade anecdotes about so and so who is paralyzed and they are in a loving marriage and they had kids and it was great because she didn't need an epidural ha ha ha and isn't that cute. BS. Maybe it happens to some people, I don't know. What I do know is that pat little anecdotes like that give a skewed perception of reality. Anyway, this post is too long already so I will make a seperate post to show part of the article.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 11:54am
Here is the article. The reference is: Marita P McCabe, George Taleporos. 2003. Sexual Esteem, Sexual Satisfaction, and Sexual Behavior Among People With Physical Disability

Archives of Sexual Behavior. 32(4): 359. It is quite long and since it is a research article a bit technical so I am just posting the abstract (=summary) and the discussion (corresponds to the conclusion of grade school science fair exhibits).

The major findings were that: disabled people tend to have less sex, lower sexual self esteem, less satisfaction, and higher sexual depression than abled people. These aspects were slightly less severe the longer the person had lived with their disability. Men fared worse than women. Deep kissing frequency was associated with increased satisfaction in women. oral/genital contact and nude cuddling was associated with increased satisfaction in men. The use of erotic materials was associated with DECREASED satisfaction in men. Intercourse was not significantly correlated with increased satisfaction in either gender probably because of performance anxiety or inability.

In the intro they did an extensive literature review (there is a fair amount of research on this) and discussed some of the issues. Some obstacles they bring up are less obvious ones such as lack of privacy and overprotectiveness due to caregivers as well as incontinance etc. They also mentioned that some women experience high levels of satisfaction (but still less then the average for their able bodied counterparts) but that this appears to usually occur in situations where a sexual relationship was present before the disability and continued on afterwards. ANyway, the rest you can judge for yourselves.



Abstract (Article Summary)

This study investigated the association between the severity and duration of physical disability and sexual esteem, sexual depression, sexual satisfaction, and the frequency of sexual behavior. A total of 1,196 participants completed the study. There were 748 participants (367 males, 381 females) who had a physical disability and 448 participants (171 males, 277 females) who were able-bodied. The age range of participants was 18-69 years, with a mean age of 36.39 years (SD = 10.41). The results demonstrated that people with more severe physical impairments experienced significantly lower levels of sexual esteem and sexual satisfaction and significantly higher levels of sexual depression than people who had mild impairments or who did not report having a physical impairment. The study also found that people with more severe physical disabilities engaged in mutual sexual activity significantly less frequently. Women with physical disabilities had significantly more positive feelings about their sexuality and significantly more frequent mutual sexual experiences than their male counterparts. For people with physical disabilities, the frequency of oral sex and nude cuddling were significant predictors of sexual satisfaction in men, while the frequency of deep kissing predicted sexual satisfaction in women. Furthermore, the viewing of erotica was significantly related to sexual dissatisfaction in men. Finally, it was found that people who had experienced their physical impairment for a longer period of time reported significantly more positive feelings about their sexuality. Implications of these findings are discussed and suggestions are made for future research



DISCUSSION

The current study found that people with more severe physical impairments had lower levels of sexual esteem and sexual satisfaction and higher levels of sexual depression than people who experienced mild impairments or the able-bodied population. The study also found that people with a severe physical disability engaged in mutual sexual activity less frequently.

These findings support the qualitative data from previous studies that have demonstrated that people with physical disabilities commonly believe that they are less sexually desirable than able-bodied people and that their disability seriously limits their sexual life (Taleporos, 2001, Taleporos&McCabe, 2001, 2002a). The results are also consistent with the proposal that people with physical disabilities experience difficulties in their sexual lives (Bach & Bardach, 1997, Crabtree, 1997, Donelson, 1998, Earle, 1999, Gill, 1996, Knight, 1983, Saad, 1997, Tepper, 1997). In the present study, both high subjective and objective measures of disability predicted lowlevels of sexuality among the disabled population. Low levels of sexual esteem and low sexual satisfaction in people with severe physical disabilities are also consistent with the previous studies that have found that the romantic lives of people with physical disabilities were limited or less active than those of able-bodied people (MacDougall&Morin, 1979, Nosek et al., 1996, Page et al., 1987, Rintala et al., 1997, Romeo, Wanlass, & Arenas, 1993), although their sexual needs were high (McCabe, Cummins, & Deeks, 2000).

The current study did not separate the participants with physical disability into different disability groups, but instead examined the sexuality of respondents according to both subjective and objective levels of functional impairment. It was anticipated that this would provide a more meaningful and accurate representation of the sexuality of people with physical disability, since people with the same disability (e.g., multiple sclerosis, cerebral palsy) can vary substantially in their level of impairment. However, future studies should also include an analysis of the effect of different types of physical impairment (e.g., mobility, congenital vs. acquired disability) on sexuality.

Women reported more mutual sexual experiences, higher sexual satisfaction, higher perceived attractiveness to others, higher sexual esteem, and lower levels of sexual depression than their male counterparts. These empirical data support the assertions of Drench (1992), who stated that sexual adjustment is easier for women because they traditionally place more emphasis on interpersonal aspects of sexuality, such as tenderness and emotional sharing, and so less focus is directed to their genital function.We found that oral sex and nude cuddling appeared to be more important tomenwith physical disabilities, whereas deep kissing was more important to women, indicating that men were more focused on genitally focused activity than women. Furthermore, since the viewing of erotica was related to sexual dissatisfaction in men, it would appear that men may use erotica as a sexual outlet when other, more satisfying outlets, are not available to them. Interestingly, the frequency of sexual intercourse did not predict sexual satisfaction in either gender. This challenges the emphasis placed by researchers and clinicians on the achievement of coitus (Rivas&Chancellor, 1997), and suggests that for people with physical disability, other types of sexual activities may be more closely related to sexual satisfaction. These data suggest that it is important to affirm nonpenetrative sexual behaviors as healthy and valid expressions of the individual's or couple's sexuality, whereas recognizing that men may have a stronger need than women for genitally focused activities such as oral sex or nude cuddling.

Although previous studies have discussed the difficulties of sexual adjustment at the onset of physical disability (Alexander, Sipski, & Findley, 1993, Drench, 1992), this study demonstrated that people who had experienced their physical impairment for a longer period of time reported more positive feelings about their sexuality, even though their physical impairment may have become more severe. In fact, the regression analysis that examined the impact of the disability measures on a composite measure of sexuality demonstrated that the longer the person had experienced the disability, the more positive their level of sexuality. It would appear that there is an adjustment process that takes place as people accept and overcome the new sexual barriers that are put before them. It is possible that during this time individuals meet sexual partners who accept their physical difference, and that this sense of acceptance is subsequently internalized by the person with the physical disability. They may also learn to express and experience their sexuality in a more enjoyable way by learning new techniques that are suited to their physical limitations.

Anovel aspect of this studywas the use of the Internet to obtain the sample and administer the survey. A positive outcome of thiswas a large sample from across the English speaking world. The success in obtaining such a broadbased sample would suggest that the World Wide Web is an efficient and effective tool for conducting research on people with physical disabilities. It is especially useful in surveying participants with severe physical impairments who are unable to complete a paper and pencil test or who would find this physically taxing. Clearly, there may be some biases with a sample dominated by Internet users, and so it is essential to also publicize and provide a printed version of the survey. However, as Internet technology becomes more widely available, this limitation will be less relevant.

There may also have been some bias in the respondents who were drawn from the International Conferences on Sexuality, Disability, and Culture, as these respondents may be more vocal and active in their defense of the rights of people with disability than people from the general community. A comparative group of able-bodied people that is more closely matched to the physically disabled group in terms of relationship status and educational achievement will also provide more information on the specific effect of physical disability on the sexuality variables included in this study. The manner of recruiting some of the above-bodied people in this study (friends or colleagues of people in the disability group) may also have led to a nonrepresentative able-bodied sample in this study.

Finally, although it is evident that physical disability is associated with lower levels of sexual esteem, sexual satisfaction, and sexual frequency, especially when the physical limitation is severe, there appears to be a process of sexual adjustment that takes place after the onset of physical impairment. Future studies need to more closely examine the sexual adjustment process that has been suggested here. Researchers also need to investigate the nature of the psychological, social, and environmental factors that assist people with physical disabilities to develop more positive feelings about their sexual selves.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 12:40pm
Phat, I am sorry for your predicament, it's a sad situation no doubt. However, I have a friend who had a massive stroke at 33(she was 350lbs at the time), due to diabetes(I met her only 8 months prior, our children became friends). She had a husband, and two children. He left her after the stroke(about a year later after she came home). In that year she lost 100lbs, and in the past 15 years she has gained it back and now weighs 450lbs. She lost most of her speech capabilities immediately after the stroke, and she still can't speak the exact way she used to prior to the stroke. Still, her life overall hadn't changed that much. She still drove(had a special contraption put on her car), she was always on the go with her kids, and a few years later she began internet dating with men she'd met in chat rooms. She has dated several of these men and has had sex with them too. I know that everyone is different, and no two people will ever view a situation exactly the same. Your mother is the same age as my friend(she's 48). But looking at the parallel lives of these two women, we can see how attitude can make a difference.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 12:57pm

I'm sorry if you took offense to my post or postings from others.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 12:57pm
What do you conclude from this with relation to the average person, Phat? Do you think that we all have sexual self-esteem, and suffer if we are found to be undesirable? Do you think that a large part of our being, is a need for physical gratification? If so, how do you explain those who live their lives happily ever after without ever having a partner, or who once had partners, and for whatever reason choose not to ever have another relationship? How about married couples who stop having sex years prior, but who still love each other? Could it simply be that because one believes that it's something that they could never obtain, makes it almost like an obsession(not meaning to offend, just trying to think out loud)? Very much like a sexual taboo? Many of my relatives lost their husbands very young(3 great aunts) and they never ever even looked at another man. They were content and happy to live their lives asexual, by choice, and they lived fulfilling lives. I wonder if the need is for love of another human, and not just the physical aspect of it. Women feel loved through kissing(an emotional physical act), and men feel loved through more from a need of sexual acceptance(nude cuddling and oral sex)? Is it that those who answered the survey were longing for sex, or love. Is it that they became depressed just because they couldn't have sex any longer(or they believed that no one would want to), or that they didn't feel worthy of love(which would include sex)?

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