Can disabled people "do it?"
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Can disabled people "do it?"
| Sat, 10-02-2004 - 12:57am |
Why do some people believe that disabled people are "asexual" or have a
limited, if not unfulfilling, sex life?
limited, if not unfulfilling, sex life?
People who are physically, visually, or even mentally impaired, can and do
enjoy sex and be satisfying lovers, don't they?
Is there research on the sexuality of disabled people?

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-I just deleted my whole reply to this statement. I have to say it made me very angry but I'm not in an objective place right now. I will just say that it is easy to critisize someone's attitude when you don't have to experience what they do. It might be comforting for some people's world view to think that if a person is strong and good and has character (i.e. a good attitude) than they can overcome everything. However, these two situations are not the same. The specific disabilities are different, the financial situation is different, and the community and family support situation is different. This woman might be in a better situation, and that might be because of her attitude, but rather than compare the two disabled people, why not compare the way they were before with the way they are now. To be perfectly honest, I have many times thought angrily about "good attitude" and been very frustrated with her. Many times. I can't really fault the comments, in spite of how I feel.
On a better note, her stay at the disability rehab centre has been improving her outlook and her attitude slightly but perceptably. I just hope that the trend continues and some changes for the better can finally be made because up to this point all changes have been for the worst.
-yes I do. THis varies between people and genders but I think it is true for the majority of people to some degree.
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-Wouldn't if be great if only people with little sexuality to begin with became disabled? Unfortunately that is not the case. It is little comfort to someone who used to enjoy sex, but now does not because of a disability, to know that somewhere out there are people that don't want to have sex. How does that do them any good? If I became paralyzed and couldn't walk, what do you think I would say to you if you told me a story about some other guy that just wanted to sit around and watch tv and read books all day and never really wants to walk? Maybe I could trade with him, he'd take my disability and I could give him my laid back lifestyle.
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-I'm sure that most of the people in the study felt that way. However,because of their active recruitment of subjects (rather than passive) sampling bias is unlikely to affect the results. That IS the results.
I'm sure that you have a lot of understanding about this issue, and no one likes to dwell on unpleasant aspects of it. It is nice of you to help with services and options, but since I don't live in the States, the options and organizations are different. She has been having increasing contact with various social service agencies and she is starting to take advantage of the help that is available, which she never did before. I think in the past she has been attached to the idea of having a strong family to pull through and do what needs to be done but has lately become dissillusioned with that idea. Unfortunately her assesment of the situation is accurate and it is too bad that it took her this long to go to outside help. Hopefully things will improve.
Anyway, this is way off topic, I don't want to talk about wheelchair access etc. I mean those things are all well and good, but they will never be close to being able bodied, especially for someone who used to be the outdoorsy type and grew up in the north country. This is beyond the scope of the discussion that I wanted to engage in and ditto I think for the OP. All I intended to do was balance the picture of sexuality for people with disabilities.
I see your point. I don't think that my great aunts wanted to not have sex, I can't imagine that their sex drives diminished just like that. They gave up love and sex because it was their belief that with their husband's went their heart mind and soul. I think that there are many people who want to have sex but can't, even able bodied people, because of social and a myriad of other problems. Not always just a choice. But I see what you're getting at, and you're right. I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like without my legs, or my arms, or my sight, or anything for that matter. I try not and take much for granted, particularly since I see my friend cannot ever be totally independent or do many of the basics of life alone.
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-If not, then where does a good attitude come from when faced with a tragedy that one will have to deal with for the rest of their lives? Speaking for myself, I have no idea how or if I could ever develop a good attitude about something like that. I think my outlook on the world and my beliefs about its nature would hinder me a lot, but I could not in good conscience change them just to help myself since I work fairly hard to develp my beliefs based on the way things are rather than the way I wish they were. Maybe I wouldn't be able to go through life that way, and i would just cop out one way or another, perhaps by constructing a world view that would comfort me and increase my esteem regardless of whether it is true or not. Maybe my good attitude would then be a sign of weakness and a lack of character? Maybe it would just be a sign of pragmatism. Maybe the ideal would be to somehow find acceptance of the situation and reckognize the bad aspects of it and just controll any desires for something better. That doesn't really answer the question though, it just brings us back to where we started. The person to ask would be someone going through that, who has been disabled for a long time and has had a chance to gain perspective. Of course that person would also have to be intelligent and wise (uncommon traits to be sure) and have a philosophy similar to mine otherwise we would talk cross purposes. I would first have to overcome my complete inability to confront these issues head on with someone personally experienceing them for fear of the pain it would cause. I just don't think I have the guts for it.
***-If not, then where does a good attitude come from when faced with a tragedy that one will have to deal with for the rest of their lives?
To me, character is who the person is and their values. Kind, compassionate, funny, etc. I don't feel that those things ever really change, even when faced with tragedy, they're just displaced or oppressed because other new emotions have surfaced and are overwhelming. They say we have many different personalities within us, and I believe that situations can create them. I just don't feel that those personalities really effect our character. Each is an individual makeup of all that you are in a myriad of varieties. Just not the whole person, which is character. So, you could have been a strong person of good character prior to being disabled, but a different personality is borne from the situation. Certain personalities just take the front stage and some never get a chance to ever show themselves again. I guess what I'm saying is that we are all really comprised of different personalities, in most of us, the change is balanced and healthy so it's unnoticed. I really don't think that people change at the core, they just lose themselves, some for a short time, and others for a very long time. The strength comes when one has to reach deep down and overcome the dominant negative personality. doesn't mean you're weak, you just need superstrength to get back. I don't believe that people really change their character, they just lose their way.
Hey Phat, I just thought that I would come on board to explain some of my "sugar coating".
Yes, I also have first hand experience with disability.
This was a quote from Yasmin that I felt pretty much summed up how we felt about the original post that we all were responding to. I thought that our replies to the post were clearly reflecting THIS attitude toward the situation as opposed to saying that all disabled people can enjoy sex or anything similar. Not sure I'm reading things right, so correct me if I'm not, no problem. :)
Other than this being a touchy subject for many of us, like so many other sensitive subjects for many of us as well, did I miss something?
C h a r a c t e r
above all else
Mr. Para
C H A R A C T E R
Thanks for that Para.
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