Can he be TOO big?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Can he be TOO big?
139
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 10:07am


After many years of complaining about small penis' I think I've ran into a worse problem. I didn't think it was possible, but I think my new sex partner is "bottoming out." I always thought this was a joke! But it hurts kinda while we have sex each time his penis hits it, and then really hurts after sex. I don't know if there is any way to avoid this without letting go of my favorite positions!

He said he's never had this problem before, which I don't believe because he is very big! Could I have a small vagina? (I feel stupid asking that.)

Or are we just not compatible?

GRR! He's really good too!

Kayla

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 2:48pm

"Why are guys so weird about their penis'?"

ummm...look at all the posts here about women complaining because of the size of their man's penis...that's why.

Peace,
Scott.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 3:00pm

No, Scott.

The reason why women are so coddling about their SO penis' is because if you talk bad about it, it won't work. If we dis it AT ALL we will hurt their precious pride and have to live with the consequences of hurting their feelings for a week.

I just don't understand why guys need pride...or reassurance. I don't hear a woman asking her man if her vagina is tight enough. Ok, SOME woman may ask, but we don't obsess over it like you guys do.

If men knew how to use what was given to them (BIG or SMALL) than we won't have to complain or ask questions like this. And would know that their men are doing what they need to please there woman. Likewise for women. So it's not our fault we can't talk to our SO about this, if we did, then it would hurt their precious pride, and would have to walk on egg shells until he's ego was restored.

Kayla

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 3:18pm

<<>>


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 3:49pm

All I'm saying is that a guys ego seems to revolve around the size of their penis. Women do talk about how too fat/skinny/weird shaped parts on their body. But you don't hear a guy saying "honey your boobs are too little." A guy doesn't want to hear he has a too little penis. But if you tell him he has a big penis, he grins from ear to ear.

All tastes are different. Thats something you learn in the beginning of a new sexual relationship. But at the same time, he has to have a sense of what to do with it. You can't be shooting in the dark all time with a new person. Even if I'm with a new partner, I know that most guys like their ears and neck sucked on, they like blow jobs, they like certain positions, and several other "generic turn-ons." Females have the same concept. If you know some of the "generic turn-ons," chances are you will learn the personal likes while exploring.

So that's why I came here to ask about his size. And if I have any other PROBLEM I would come here as well. I will talk to him about my desires and sexual pleasures. But I felt like it would bother him if I told him that his penis was just too big. So the advice I got here gave me the courage to talk to him about it, without hurting his feelings. I feel that would be like him saying, "your vagina is too loose, we need to use different positions." That would hurt. Hence, after the discussion I had the best sex ever.

So I agree with everything that you are saying...I just think that a man's ego is focused entirely on the wrong things. Because if he could use it properly (big or small) it could bring the same pleasure. So I don't understand why they obsess over it.

Females obsess more about general things because we can't help how tight we are (aside from some kegal exerices...but that can only go so far.) We can't help if our boobs aren't what we want...unless we spend thousands of dollars. We can't work our boobs just right to please a man more, like a smaller man can do with his penis.

I hope what I'm saying makes sense. Anyway, I think that men and women have different buttons...and size of penis is one of them for guys.

Kayla

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 3:56pm
That's funny, Scott. I don't see anyone complaining about their man's size, per se. I see them wondering what to do about size challenges but that could be expected in every relationship to some degree.


Edited 8/22/2005 4:43 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 4:21pm

KT, as someone else said, you haven't been around long enough...and I hope you STAY around long enough to see some of the crazy stuff women complain about. What everyone needs to remember though, is that the majority of the complainers are people who have basic insecurities, and they could be PERFECT, and they'd find something wrong with themselves. What they will never understand is that MOST men don't even look at the "details" during sex.....Their quest is for pleasure and satisfaction, NOT inspection.

I have seen posts from women who won't have sex because their inner labia is "ugly", or a "funny color" or "too big"! The same goes for breast sizes, nipple sizes, Stretch marks, surgical scars, and even 2 pounds that they gained last week. To the majority of well adjusted women, none of these things matter AT ALL.....but we get our share of the maladjusted here!

You sound like a person who has common sense...and you asked a perfectly sensible question about positions. (strange how some of these threads drift off to something completely different than the original question, isn't it?) Penis size is an ongoing debate, and probably will always be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 4:39pm

It's the "locker room" mentality. Men run around naked in locker rooms....and the men surrupticiously check each other out.....to see who's got "bragging rights". Mostly, that's in high school, when guys are just into puberty.....a notably insecure age. They're afraid they won't "measure up". By the time they're in their late teens or early 20's.....the majority of them understand that they are what they are, and that it doesn't make a whole lot of difference to MOST women.

If you're talking about the extremes......of course a guy who has an extremely small penis is to be pitied, and there are some out there. But even those guys, if they truly know how to please a woman, can make up for the lack of size with the other "tools" they have, and MOST women won't complain. As for the opposite extreme, again MOST women, if given a choice would go for "average" instead. If a man doesn't know what to do with a big one, he can cause MAJOR pain. "Sex and the City" had an episode called "Horse"....and it was a perfect example of the problems when a man is TOO big.

In the "olden" days....when people got to know each other before jumping into bed...if you were "in love".....you accepted what he had......because you loved HIM.....and all of him. These days, women can "shop". Sex on the first date, if he's not big enough, there won't be a second date. How sad!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 5:12pm

>>I just think that a man's ego is focused entirely on the wrong things.<<

Hey ktbug.

I recall times that have lasted as long as a month in which I was too fatigued from work to hold an erection for Mrs. Para. I don't recall worrying about size as much as I did performance, which would involve replacing intercourse with foreplay. Thats just one example.

Realistically, this theory many women have of male egos regarding penis size is still too full of holes IMHO. For example, no man feels when he is causing his woman nothing but pain. Also, a smaller man is more fulfilled by pleasing his mate with the right moves than a bigger man displeasing his with the wrong ones.

When Mrs. Para yells ouch, I don't feel like grinning ear to ear as you say. I feel HORRIBLE! I am NOT the biggest size in the world NOR have I ever stated online here whatever my size actually is. I don't recall bigger men feeling ego when their women leave them for other men either.

I'm just not convinced that men have such an issue. If that were the case, then I'm SHOCKED more of these married women online here haven't started bashing their own husbands on this as well. I'd like to think that egos wouldn't prevent such honesty, so that said, I think its still a matter of certain or even men, but I'm just not believing in this view of the general population of men though. Just my view, not law or anything. :)

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 5:16pm

>>Yes, we know the real reason. It's to be the biggest swinging **** in the locker room! It's all about insecurity, at it's heart, and competition among men. And THAT'S why it's truly only important to men.<<

Just an innocent clarification here,

but I'm assuming that you are NOT speaking for the 'numerous' women across these multiple sex boards that actually HAVE posted about craving bigger penis sizes???

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Mon, 08-22-2005 - 5:27pm

>>Dis'ing your guys penis, why would someone dis their partners penis? That would be like a man dis'ing something about his woman's body. What purpose would it serve?<<

I couldn't figure that out either. The partner's body, ALL of it, is a gift. I'd think that the gift would be appreciated and enjoyed. So even if there WERE physical preferences not matched, enjoy the gift we have anyway, for giving our very bodies and selves to the other is such an extraordinary act and statement of that relationship IMHO.

We know the response to any man not appreciating the size of his woman's breasts or the taste or smell of her down there or whatever else the case may be. I can only EXPECT that a man, likewise, wouldn't jump and gleefully click his heels if negative comments came about him physically as well. LOL!, what did I miss?

Anyway, I agree. Instead of focusing so much on too big or too small, just focus on the different methods of enjoyment, yes. God made us too adaptable to one another to focus on what cannot work or to focus on another's psychological shortcomings. We are TOO designed to enjoy each other in these relationships to waste time on pointing fingers IMO.

Well said sis!

 

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