Can he be TOO big?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Can he be TOO big?
139
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 10:07am


After many years of complaining about small penis' I think I've ran into a worse problem. I didn't think it was possible, but I think my new sex partner is "bottoming out." I always thought this was a joke! But it hurts kinda while we have sex each time his penis hits it, and then really hurts after sex. I don't know if there is any way to avoid this without letting go of my favorite positions!

He said he's never had this problem before, which I don't believe because he is very big! Could I have a small vagina? (I feel stupid asking that.)

Or are we just not compatible?

GRR! He's really good too!

Kayla

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 10:26am

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 10:29am

THanks Para. You made my point far more succinctly than I.

Peace.
Scott.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 10:34am

Yes. I did offer my take on the reason men desire bigger penises and it has nothing to do with women's pleasure at all.

It's to be the biggest **** in the locker room. It's about the competition men have with one another. Nothing more interesting or complicated than that.




Edited 8/23/2005 10:48 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 10:41am
For every woman who desires a larger penis , there is a woman who has been there and done that, and prefers one of normal size...Not all guys wish they had a bigger penis..I just want one that is just right for my wife...and it is. I have been in a relationship where I had to be careful not to get too carried away and thrust too deep because of the pain it can cause bottoming out. That woman had a fairly shallow canal...My wife has had a guy who was 9" and he constantly hit bottem, and she hated it...However, we fit perfectly together which is the way we like it.
Its been my experience that women who crave a bigger man, has herself a larger vagina..If they crave a fuller feeling, then it makes sense that she would require a larger penis to get it...According to some mens thinking, they are glad they have a larger penis so they can satify the women with larger vaginas...But what about the women who want no part of that huge member ..what do they think about themselves then? Totally irrational thinking...by the way having a huge penis has nothing to do with testoserone levels ..sheesh, talk about misimformed...lol(someone stated that in an earlier post)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 10:53am

Kat,

I think your explaination is a good one. However, it goes deeper than that for both men and women. (Here comes my pseudo-phsychological theory...sorry:0):

As children, we all develop our archetypal male/females. They are all based on our parents (hence the reason most seek out a mate that somewhat resembles in personality our father or mother). When/if children see their fathers unclothed, their penis looks enormous (even if it is just average sized). Young girls and boys from varying degrees become "imprinted" with that image (my father passed away when I was 2, but that archetypal male could be any adult male). On an unconscious level both men and women associate that size (which is much larger to a 3 year old in relative terms)to their archetypal male. To boys, this becomes a mark of manhood and to young women, it becomes a mark of virility and the ability to reproduce.

Most people overcome this particular patterning through positive experience with the opposite sex. However, patterns don't change easily for some, particularly if they are reinforced by society and/or attachment to a view. So that view to a certain small percentage of people becomes "true" even if in reality it is not. Hence the earlier discussion about the "alpha male". The alpha male is nothing more than the archetypal view that we have imprinted on our subconscious minds.

90% of sex takes place in the mind...so your belief patterns REALLY affect your ability to orgasm or become aroused. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, it is extremely human. But it is always good to question conditioning and to realize that there is no disctinction between what we believe and what we manifest in our lives.

Anyway...this is an interesting conversation and I think valuable.

Scott.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 10:53am

Hey hump...just for the record, that "craving" feeling has nothing to do with the size of a woman's vagina, and everything to do with arousal. When a woman reaches a certain stage of arousal, she may crave to be filled, no matter the length of her vagina. In other words, a woman with a 3" length vagina will still feel the urge to be fulfilled, as does a woman with a six inch length vagina. ;-) Think of it this way, Hump...a man's urge to penetrate is not determined or affected by the size of his penis. Whether he's 3" or 8" he'll feel the same.




Edited 8/23/2005 12:45 pm ET ET by rain_dancer_iam
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 11:07am

Yes, I've read this interesting theory many times over the years. My problem with it is that EVERYTHING on the father's body is bigger than the 3 yr. old's, not just his penis. He is just as focused on the father's giant hands and feet, etc. which he sees all the time.

And I know I never looked at my mother's breasts, etc. and felt inferior or small as a child. I KNEW that she was a grownup and that one day, I would be one as well.

No, I think the comparisons start in the locker room when unrelated boys begin comparing themselves to one another and that never seems to stop. The innate competition men feel with one another is behind the comparison and desire, IMO.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 11:44am

Kat,

It's not a question of feeling inferior...it is just an observation of the differences between a little boy and grown man. Just like for a lot of guys beards, body hair etc. is a mark of manhood. And since I am a guy, I can tell you that the whole "size" thing starts WAY earlier than locker room time. Most of us grow out of it pretty quickly after becoming sexually active...but some don't.

Scott.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 11:48am

Scott-

I don't think I'm making my point clear. Let me try again.

In the past I have encountered smaller than average penis'. I knew how to deal with this WITHOUT making him feel uncomfortable or hurting his feelings. I adjusted, WITHOUT making it known that it was a problem. And after I learned how to do this...the sex was great. I would never address the problem with him...unless absolutely needed. I have always believed (IMO) that a man's penis size (especially smaller ones) is a sensitive subject, in regards to being able to please their partner. Stereotypes are that bigger is better. And I never implied bigger is better. If anything I was stating that I was having a problem with bigger. So I try to deal with it and adjust. I have had pleasurable and not so pleasurable experiences with all sizes.

This man that this post orginated from was I didn't know how to go about addressing the subject without hurting his feelings...or causing him to back out. And my point was proven when I told him about the pain. He was very concerned and worried that he wasn't pleasing me because he was too big. He thought his penis was just too big for me. I reassured him that with some adjustments won't hurt. And then (as the stereotype is) he was "grinning ear to ear" because I had said he was big. This (IMO) shows that he is proud to have a larger penis. But in retropect...my ex was smaller and frustrated at his size- just as the larger guy was. After I reassured him (nonverbally)...he was "grinning ear to ear" because he knew that he was pleasing me.

So my point is this...any size can be pleasurable. Some take more adjusting than others, and some women don't want to even try to adjust. But I do! This is why I came here. Because to me...size comes with issues that can be addressed (verbally or nonverbally.) The reason why I said <> is to emphasize the fact that I never have had this problem before. Everytime a woman has sex with a new guy there is always adjusting to size, shape or style. And sometimes...like my situation current situation...women (or men) don't know how to adjust to a new partner. And need some guidance.

Kayla

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 12:02pm

Then you and I agree here Kayla :0). Thanks for clarifying.

Peace,
Scott.

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