Can Men Tell When You're...FAKING?
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| Sat, 08-28-2004 - 10:41pm |
My DH and I made a promise a long time ago to NEVER deny each other sex. (Unless, ofcourse, one of us has a health issue.) So no matter what, day or night, awake or sleep, if he wants sex....he gets sex.
But my sweetie has this ego trip. He WILL NOT stop unless I reach a climax. I mean...the man will fight against ALL odds...bite the bullet...and repress his BIG O just to make me come.
So what's the problem you ask? Well....sometimes I just don't feel like having sex. And on those occasions, I want him to do his THING and be done. As quick as possible. But If I don't climax, he keeps going. He's like the friggin' energizer bunny. He'll keep going and going and going. So.....well....you see....I ummmmm...OKAY DAMNIT..I FAKE IT!!!
I already don't want to do it....why would I give him a reason to keep going?
So back to my question. Can men FEEL when a woman reaches a climax? Cause if they can...boy...my husband would be pretty pissed about the last few weeks.

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I'd tell your SO that you just aren't in the mood. To expect a partner to be ready for sex 100% of the time is unrealistic. I'd much rather my partner tell me that she just simply isn't in the mood than find out that she had been faking it because she wasn't enjoying what I was doing to her.
You should honestly tell him that it’s not always working because if he finds out himself that you were faking it may hurt him. Be upfront about this and it will most likely make him understand that it’s not always going to work and not make him feel bad,
Edited 8/28/2004 11:07 pm ET ET by icoffeemug
But what's wrong with this picture? What we have here, as they said in the movie, is that you two have a failure to communicate.
You two made a promise NEVER to deny each other sex, huh? It must have been a very long time ago, when you were both very young and unrealistic. Sorry, but there are times when one or the other of you has to bite the bullet. How much better it would be to be HONEST and say not tonite, I'm really tired, or I don't feel well. He's NOT going to die.
Maybe HE should leave his ego out of the bedroom, too. Sometimes, it's just not working, and it doesn't happen. As an adult (?) he should know that, and be grateful that you're allowing him to use you to get his jollies....and not kill you in the process. Your "sweetie" doesn't sound too sweet to me. He sounds like a selfish child, he'll have his way, or die trying. Very immature.
The next time he pulls that stunt, when you've had enough, TELL him so, and tell him that it's not going to happen, or would he prefer that you fake it? That might open his eyes.
That's what I would do, but then you're not me. If you prefer, just keep on faking it. You're just pandering to his selfishness.
Leticia
I think that GTB was excessively judgemental when she said that kris' guy is a "selfish child". It simply sounds like he "knows" from experience that if he tries, his partner will have an orgasm and he wants her to have that pleasure. Also, perhaps he doesn't want to have the status move from "we're a hot couple and there are orgasms for everyone whenever we go at it" to "we're just as average as every other average couple". I think lots of people go through that, especially when they've officially enshrined their suposed horny compatabiltiy with a pact the way kris and her partner have. Not everyone can be an old hat at the ins and outs of relationships right away. I also think it isn't very realistic to expect a man to check his ego at the door efore entering the bedroom. WHen circumstances of any sort make us fail to uphold our expectations of ourselves it is hurtful, and I don't think it is less so than at our most vulnerable moments with the person we most want to impress. It takes maturity and an understanding partner to be able to evaluate the reality of those expectations. My advice is, to explain him about the faking, try to mitigate his reaction, which will not be a happy one, and move on to a more comfortable,communicative sexual relationship with each other. Like it will be easy, lol.
My gut instinct is to agree with GTB, but before I do so, I'd just like a little clarification.
Have you ever told him (while he's initiating
Actually you asked two questions:
"Is there a way that men cant tell PHYSICALLY when a woman is faking the Big O?"
"So back to my question. Can men FEEL when a woman reaches a climax? Cause if they can...boy...my husband would be pretty pissed about the last few weeks."
I've actually asked the second question a number of times on various boards, and my conclusion is that probably most men cannot FEEL when a woman climaxes. As coffee points out, there is a quivering during contractions and if he's inside you, it's possible he could feel it. I certainly can with my DW about 80% of the time. Most men, however, probably depend on sounds: moans, heavy breathing, etc.
This leads to the second question. Can men tell if a woman is faking? Obviously sounds, moans, breathing, can easily be faked. Faking contractions would be pretty hard, assuming he feels them at all. If a woman has really good PC muscle control (from Kegels) , she could voluntarily contract, but judging by my experience with my wife , her voluntary contractions are not as powerful or sustained as the truly orgasmic ones.
None of the above really applies to your situation, though:
" Cause if they can...boy...my husband would be pretty pissed about the last few weeks."
Since he has not been noticeably pissed, it's pretty safe to say that he doesn't know and that your deception is successful. The question is, are you happy with that deception?
And what are you going to do about the situation?
GTB and others have already pointed out that that there needs to be some communication here. Personally I find a bit of a contradiction between him wanting you to orgasm (which seems to be a good thing) because he wants you to have pleasure, and his insistence that you HAVE TO orgasm every time. Also, you seem to have an agreement that you will never say "No" to sex, so he can have it every time he wants. Fine, he can have it any and every time. BUT he also wants you to orgasm every time. He needs to learn that he can't have it both ways. If he wants you to orgasm every time, he's going to have to only make love when YOU really want to. MY DW orgasms every time we make love, but we only do it when she wants to. That certainly is plenty, but there are times when I want to, and she says "No". I've learned that one of the reasons she does orgasm every time ( and it is important to me) is that we only make love when she wants to.
taoist
Maybe as we get older, he won't want sex as often. But I don't think it's SELFISH for him to want me to climax. I just think he wants to please me and doesn't think he's doing his "husbandly" duties if he doesn't. No...I don't think he's being selfish...I repeat, it's his ego.
I do agree with you when you said that I should just tell him I'm not in the mood. We can have sex, and he can get his big O...but don't go all night when it's not going to happen with me. But how do I say that? When he starts I should say, "Oh honey, you go ahead and come...I'm not into it tonight." That's a mood killer. I mean, just because I'm not in the mood doesn't mean I should ruin it for him.
So....HOW should I go about telling him?
Not to say he's not good in bed, because he is, but sometimes I just can't reach my BIG O. An those times are ONLY when I'm not in the mood.
I haven't really talked to him about it yet because this only recently starten happening. We've been together for 4 years and sex has always been HOTT. But I've cooled off a little and he's still a roaring inferno. He's always made me climax, and he knows it. I'm nervous about what his reaction would be if I told him, "Look, no matter how hard you try, I'm not going to come. So do your thing and let me get back to my soap operas."
Okay, I wouldn't say it exactly like that, but his reaction would be the same.
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