Can people overcome their comfort levels

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Registered: 10-22-2004
Can people overcome their comfort levels
7
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 1:31pm
Can a man who says that he is not comfortable going down on a woman overcome those discomforts? My friend is dating a man who is 26 who claims that he doesn't like giving oral sex, even though he's tried it on her before(she is his second partner).
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Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 1:56pm

I think it would depend on why someone is uncomfortable with whatever it is.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 12:26am
The issue could be something as basic as taste. He may simply not like the taste of a woman's vulva.

Taste is a subjective thing - what tastes great to one person may taste awful to another. For example, I loathe runny yolks - and while I may be in a minority, nothing anyone could do will stop me heaving at the smell of them - let alone put one in my mouth. Likewise, my DH loathes the taste of coffee...again a minority, but that's just the way he is.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
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Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 1:00am
What more is there to add? Tish and the others put it very well. It all depends on WHY he doesn't want to do it. Investigate his reasons for feeling uncomfortable. If he has just decided that he doesn't enjoy it then it's unlikely that he can be convinced otherwise. Then it becomes a question of can you live without it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 10:18am
IL,

All of us have boundries that we have in place for everything (relationships, work, play etc. etc.). The reasons are inumerable as to why and actually the 'why' is unimportant. Comfort levels (or boundries, depending on how you look at it) cannot be "overcome", but they can change or be transcended. So the answer to the question of whether your friends bf can learn to be comfortable with oral sex, the answer is yes. However, if she is waiting for this to happen then she may be dissappointed. It's important to respect a partners boundries and be okay with the idea that he may never enjoy, or be able to give her oral sex. If she cannot live with that and be happy with that, then she should find a partner that can give her what she wants. Having said that, it's important to know that there is tremendous power in accepting people exactly the way that they are. If she can accept him the way that he is without needing to change him, often times he will change. He will feel safe in his sexuality and then will want to pleasure her the way that she desires...it happens a lot. However, if the reverse is true, if she pushes him and/or resents that he will not give her oral sex (even if she says nothing to him and only resents him in her thoughts), then it will be harder if not impossible for him to change his boundries.

People change when they are accepted and accept themselves exactly the way that they are and this is true for all change, not just sexual.

Peace.

Scott.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 11:12am
Of course they can IF the motivation and desire to do so is really there and I can speak from experience. People do it all the time, for the right reasons.

I was uncomfortable with fellatio in the beginning, not because I thought it was nasty or dirty but because I thought it was degrading. I made it a point to overcome that feeling for the benefit of my DH and so can a man. Even if that reluctance is the result of negative conditioning as in a bad past experience or molestation. After all, women learn to enjoy sex with their partners after terrible past experiences.

I would suspect that the real reason for his reluctance has nothing to do with her at all but with his lack of confidence in pleasing her orally. He may not have any experience and be embarrassed to admit that.


Edited 10/25/2004 11:28 am ET ET by katmandoo2001

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 11:31am
Yes. When I was much younger, a teenager, I didn't like it either. I think the initial thought of it just seems a bit odd at first. But after I started reading that women really liked it and that it seemed most women would think I wasn't a good lover if I didn't, then I started doing it. I've had a few different lovers. It hasn't always been my favorite thing to do but yes, I overcame my comfort level. When a woman keeps herself clean and things smell good, then it's fine. I think it's important too for a woman to show a sign on how much she is enjoying it. Moan a little.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 4:16pm
Everything you said in regard to your feelings about cunnilingus, could be said by most women about fellatio.

You love your partner, so you learn to love it because your partner does.




Edited 10/25/2004 4:22 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001