Can people overcome their comfort levels
Find a Conversation
Can people overcome their comfort levels
| Sun, 10-24-2004 - 1:31pm |
Can a man who says that he is not comfortable going down on a woman overcome those discomforts? My friend is dating a man who is 26 who claims that he doesn't like giving oral sex, even though he's tried it on her before(she is his second partner).

I think it would depend on why someone is uncomfortable with whatever it is.
Taste is a subjective thing - what tastes great to one person may taste awful to another. For example, I loathe runny yolks - and while I may be in a minority, nothing anyone could do will stop me heaving at the smell of them - let alone put one in my mouth. Likewise, my DH loathes the taste of coffee...again a minority, but that's just the way he is.
All of us have boundries that we have in place for everything (relationships, work, play etc. etc.). The reasons are inumerable as to why and actually the 'why' is unimportant. Comfort levels (or boundries, depending on how you look at it) cannot be "overcome", but they can change or be transcended. So the answer to the question of whether your friends bf can learn to be comfortable with oral sex, the answer is yes. However, if she is waiting for this to happen then she may be dissappointed. It's important to respect a partners boundries and be okay with the idea that he may never enjoy, or be able to give her oral sex. If she cannot live with that and be happy with that, then she should find a partner that can give her what she wants. Having said that, it's important to know that there is tremendous power in accepting people exactly the way that they are. If she can accept him the way that he is without needing to change him, often times he will change. He will feel safe in his sexuality and then will want to pleasure her the way that she desires...it happens a lot. However, if the reverse is true, if she pushes him and/or resents that he will not give her oral sex (even if she says nothing to him and only resents him in her thoughts), then it will be harder if not impossible for him to change his boundries.
People change when they are accepted and accept themselves exactly the way that they are and this is true for all change, not just sexual.
Peace.
Scott.
I was uncomfortable with fellatio in the beginning, not because I thought it was nasty or dirty but because I thought it was degrading. I made it a point to overcome that feeling for the benefit of my DH and so can a man. Even if that reluctance is the result of negative conditioning as in a bad past experience or molestation. After all, women learn to enjoy sex with their partners after terrible past experiences.
I would suspect that the real reason for his reluctance has nothing to do with her at all but with his lack of confidence in pleasing her orally. He may not have any experience and be embarrassed to admit that.
Edited 10/25/2004 11:28 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
You love your partner, so you learn to love it because your partner does.
Edited 10/25/2004 4:22 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001