can sex just be sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
can sex just be sex?
21
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 3:13am
So here's the deal...I have a fairly massive crush on a friend. He's interested in me too (he told me so when he'd had a few too many so I know it's true). BUT he has a girlfriend...of course. We talk all the time and are incredibly flirty, but nothing's ever happened - not even a kiss. As you can imagine, the sexual tension just mounts and mounts. It seems inevitable that we are going to sleep together, but can sex for a woman ever be just sex? I am not expecting him to break up with his girlfriend, but I can't say how I'll feel the morning after. Why is it that sex for a guy is just that, but for a woman there are all sorts of emotions attached?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 09-04-2004 - 7:26pm

I agree that no one should go after someone who is already in a relationship, but it does take two to tango.


<these days.>>


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sat, 09-04-2004 - 9:21pm
<<<>>>

>>All he has to do is say no, good bye, leave me alone. If he agrees with her and has sex with her, then he is just as much to blame. Both parties are responsible. <<

I'd actually say that he is MORE responsible than her. She's a single girl that likes the guy a lot and would happily have a relationship with him. He's a guy in a relationship and doesn't want a relationship with the single girl, in theory he likes his g/f more. He's just in it for the sex without any major emotional ties.

He's the one that should find it easier to say "No". He's the one that has to directly answer to a third party.

Just an observation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Sat, 09-04-2004 - 11:24pm
***you wrote<<<>>>

Yeah, you are right because she had a commitment with his girlfriend right? That poor man, he just wasn’t able to say no. Damn the sluts of the world…..

***you wrote<<>>

The girlfriend should take her anger out on him, he broke the commitment. She wasn’t dating the girlfriend he was….


***you wrote<<>>>

You are joking right? Please say yes, or say you’ve been locked in a bomb shelter somewhere for the last 50 years….

You think this guy has the right to judge her? You think she is a bitch because she slept with him? Don’t you think he had something to do with it? And maybe because he was the cheating person, he should be held more accountable than her.

***you wrote<<>>

Yeah again you’re right. It has nothing to do with the men that have sex with these women…

How DID YOU GET OUT OF THAT BOMB SHELTER ANYWAY ?

***you wrote<<< YOU NEED PRAYER.>>>

I don’t think you have a whole lot of God to spare Calling Her Names like that, and Judging this Girl as though You are The Almighty One yourself. I Think You Should Keep All Of That Religious Advice For Yourself!!!!


Who_reallyknows




  

   who_reallyknows

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 12:29am
Right on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 10:22am
<>

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 2:53pm
No wonder there are so many divorces ..If people think they can separate feelings from sex, then they can.. to a point. Everytime that happens , in most cases, they drift just that much further from their mate.If a person is single, and they have sex for sex sake, then I can understand. But to have sex behind (or with consent) your mates back is normally the beginning of the end. It all has to do with respect. With out respect, a relationship is doomed. Once a cheater , always a cheater..if not physically, mentally.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 4:59pm
humpdaddy

<<>>>

I don’t think my situation is the cause of most divorces, why? It is way too weird; I don’t think most people attempt an open marriage to solve things, and they shouldn’t. I do agree that most people can not separate feelings from sex; I also said that I am odd. I am not your average person, I have never been that emotionally evolved during sex, I have sex 80 % of the time for the activity of it, the feel good reasons, even with my dh. I’m not saying I think my way will work for me in the long run, or others but if I know the end is coming either way what does it hurt to try something else one last time, even if it is not what most would do, or even if the thought of it sounds like it will make things worse.

What is worse than divorce? Is there a really divorced that is even worse the just a divorce?

Do you think I may be causing this really divorced effect in a last effort to remain a couple in one household? Should I leave it at just divorce, without any last crazy efforts?

My husband and I admitted we were done, we had tried our last try, I was leaving, we had agreed on all of the details of divorce. We had been living under the same roof but in separate rooms for a couple of months, we got along pretty well living together while we were getting our finances together. When I was ready to go, I had the money saved I needed and it was time to go, at the last minute we tried to go straight back to what we had before we separated. It didn’t work, within weeks we were back to square one. We talked about how much better we actually got along when we were separated but living together, we didn’t fight about the things we were again fighting about, It would be easier with both of our incomes financially. With that said we decided to try open marriage, with a few extra ground rules, The Extra Ground Rules Are For Respect, also we closely duplicated what we had agreed upon when separated a few weeks back, but with this agreement we are in the same bedroom and we are still together sexually this time. To stay discreet is to simply not throw it up in one another’s face, who really wants to hear about their spouse being with someone else anyway, with the no over night rule added we don’t sneak it just isn’t said or talked about…


Thanks for you thoughts though…..

Who_reallyknows




  

   who_reallyknows

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 09-05-2004 - 7:33pm

<>


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 4:08am

Tish....

  

   who_reallyknows

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 9:07am

My thoughts are he is still cheating on his g/f whether or not you to had sex as in intercourse.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd