Can someone explain this to me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2004
Can someone explain this to me?
3
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 2:28pm
ok, here's the deal. I'm 22 years old, my boyfriend is 24, we've been going out for about 4 months now, and within the last month or so, it seems he never wants to have sex with me anymore. He is currently out of work and i work a very stressful job, and it always seems to be me making all the moves on him. At first he couldn't get enough of me, so it seemed and now, when I want sex, he's not in the mood. 9 out of 10 times, if i put the moves on him, he'll turn me down. it seems the only way i can get him to have sex with me is if i guilt him into it, saying that i do so much for him and he can't even sleep with me, that's when he'll roll over and make the moves on me. he says it's nothing to do with me, that it's all him, well, it's kinda hard to believe when i come home and find a porno in the dvd player. he wants sex, just not with me. I love him, and he tells me he loves me.

help me, what should i do, should i try different things or just leave it alone, that it'll work itself out? HELP!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2004
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 2:34pm
oh and another thing, he never goes down on me, ever. i can count on one hand the times he's gone down on me, yet when we ever do have sex, or starting forplay, that's all he wants is for me to go down on him, but he never returns the favor. i'm starting to get a little frustrated with the whole thing, help me.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 3:09pm
Okay. I think you already answered your own question. You said that he's "currently out of work." That says a lot to me.

When a guy isn't working, feeling unproductive and dependent, it affects his self esteem and his sex drive, too. So, basically, he's feeling less than manly in life right now so it affects his desire in the bedroom.

But I think you should ask him to lay off the porn and masturbation for a while so that you aren't being neglected. IF he felt that he was taking care of you in the bedroom, it could help him to feel better about himself, not to mention relieve some stress and tension. I doubt that lonely masturbation can match lovemaking for doing that.

Talk with him and encourage him.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 3:13pm
We get this complaint a lot on this board. All you can do is ask for what you want, explain that it gives you great pleasure and that you want it to be part of your lovemaking, TOO. Ask him what the problem is.

IF he refuses to comply with your request...you have 2 choices. Continue giving him everything he wants and become resentful in the process or go on an oral strike until he gets the picture. No oral without reciprocation. I don't think that's too much to ask.