Can you scare men away..................
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Can you scare men away..................
| Wed, 09-06-2006 - 1:16pm |
Hey all!
This is just a general question that I would love to hear viewpoints on. I would especially love to if a couple guys could get in on the and voice their opinions!
Do you think, that you can scare a guy away by wanting sex too much?
I.E. I am a woman and I have a very HIGH sex drive! I just hooked up with an ex boyfriend recently and want to do it again and again and again........
Anyhow, can you scare someone away by wanting sex too much?
Thoughts???

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Rice, what exactly do you want to know? What it's like when you are with a woman who wants to jump your bones?
Even when I was young, if I was with a man (as in a relationship) it was a given that I would always be ready to have sex. I always wanted it. I was always thinking about having sex with him and I always desired him. As I already stated, you and I are not that far apart in age, so I find it odd that we did not experience the same kind of relationships - full of passion. When I was around a man that I was attracted to, we would kiss each other whenever we could. Our kisses were highly sexual. It was natural to be constantly aroused. There was always a desire to devour each other. It was just a matter of convenience as to how and when we could actually "do it." ;-) It was natural for me to rub him while kissing, or just to do it for no reason; or nibble on his neck or ear and whisper in his ear; or straddle one of his legs, or grind into him while standing; or simply just unzip his pants and feast! Are those indicative enough? Those are just some things that are on the tip of my tongue (and I speak in past terms to bring us back in time when you and I were young , but these are things that I have done thoughout my marriage and still presently do)...there are so many other things I would do....like suggesting watching porn or while getting ready for a girl's night out, dressing up (for him actually) and teasing him by having him buckle my ankle straps (of course lifting my leg up on the chair in thigh highs and sexy underwear) getting him all worked up to a point where he's begging for me to have sex before I go out, and telling him "Wait for me...I'll be thinking about you all night...I want you to hold out for me."
Rice, these are only a small sample of "normal" ways a woman may show sexual desire for the man in her life and will "initiate." I could go on and on. This is why, when you speak about women not being sexual, it just drives me nuts! What you most likely encountered were women who just were naive and or repressed. I think that some women misconstrued the "Men not liking woman being too sexual" (as in promiscuous) as being the same thing as men not liking women who like sex or want sex unless he "brings it out in her." I do recall hearing things like: "Men like to be the dominant ones." "Unless he initiates, do not bother him or he'll think you're a whore or get annoyed." You have no idea the confusion and brainwashing that many women had endured in those days (the transition era). The best was "Only sluts give BJ's." Then men wondered why so many women were hesitant and said "You want me to do what?"
Again, Rice, you keep talking about "women" as though you actually had many relationships with them. From what you said, that wasn't the case. You said you had never gone past six dates with any woman other than your wife....so how can you judge "all or most women's" initiating practices, if you never actually had actual relationships with women (other than your wife)?
You also said that a woman never kissed you passionately, so I'm assuming that included your wife. I have to ask this question, Rice: (and I'm not trying to pry, but understand you and your thought processes) Did you not think it odd that a woman wouldn't even kiss you passionately, even a woman who was in love with you? Even women who remained virgins until marriage were game for "making out" as early as in the 50's. Did you not think it odd that your wife never grabbed you or just kissed you because "she felt like it?" even while you were dating? Was she shy? You really thought this was "normal" behavior for the typical woman? Again, I'm not trying to pry into your personal life, but the fact that you said that a woman never truly grabbed you and just kissed you did strike me as very peculiar. Assuming that your wife was your only relationship, I still find it odd that you married her knowing this. Can I ask how long you dated before you married her? What was she like sexually during that time? I truly want to understand where you are coming from Rice, since you have been posting for years these comments about women's sexuality, and your experiences with them--but you just graze the surface.
Some women may lose interest in sex after getting married, but I suspect that is has nothing to do with libido, just libido for her husband--however, even those men would tell you that sex was great in the early years. My guess is she is still a very "sexual" woman, she just doesn't desire having sex with him for whatever reason (most likely resentments). She is most likely actively masturbating. They may also be having affairs or meeting new men after divorcing and find themselves full of desire and passion once again, so it's not libido related, just emotionally.
You can't really judge what the other women you had sex with would have been like (initiators) because you never actually went past a few dates with any of them (other than your wife). For a lot of women, it just takes time to "warm up" particuarly in those times, when women didn't know what was appropriate or not.
Rice, let us get into your head by opening up more about your relationship with your wife. (**Can you tell that I think you may just be coming around?** ;-))
Edited 9/16/2006 2:29 pm ET by rain_dancer_iam
Wow, that was some post! LOL I'll do my best to answer your questions.
Firstly, I didn't say that I had never been kissed passionately by a woman, since that's not what you asked me. What you asked me was if a woman had come up to me and kissed me passionately, meaning that she initiated the kissing. I've never had a woman do that to me and, although it would have been very, very welcome, it would have come as a complete surprise, since that's not something that I ever expected a woman to do. I have had women kiss me passionately, but only after I've been kissing, and touching, them for a while. You know how it is when you're trying to start an outboard motor or lawn mower that hasn't been run in a while? You keep pulling on the starter rope over and over again, until the motor sputters to life and then, after it's warmed up, you can get it to rev up. That’s the way sex was for me. Now, I've heard that there are lawn mowers that start right up with just a touch, but I don't have any experience with any of those, and I've certainly never had a lawn mower try to get me turned on by pulling on my starter rope, LOL.
Secondly, there are women who aren't into passionate kissing, even during sex. I know because I married one.
I've asked the question before of what behaviors are indicators that a woman has an active sex drive and the women here have given me many of the same examples that you gave. Believe me, even someone as clueless as me would recognize that a woman who does the things you described is a woman who has an active libido and actually WANTS to have sex, and is not just WILLING. Alas, I've never seen anything that obvious, which is why I asked the OP if there some more subtle clues that a man might recognize that I possibly was missing. I would think that you would be proud of me that I'm at least recognizing that it might not have been the women, but me not recognizing their signals, perhaps because I wasn't expecting them to have a desire for sex if the first place.
As far as the way my wife behaved toward sex when we were dating the two years before we got married, I thought that she had a typical female attitude toward sex, since she was not all that different from the other woman I had been with before. By that time, I had come to the conclusion that that was just the way women were when it came to sex. At least the kind of women I had been able to attract.
Speaking of the kind of women that I was able to attract, you, and the other women here, keep telling me that they probably weren't very representative of women in general, at least when it came to their attitude toward sex, and that may be true. Still, couldn't you also say the same thing about you and the other women here, just on the opposite end of the sexuality spectrum? I mean, I realize that I only had sex with 5 women, but how many women have you had sex with? Aren't we both extrapolating from small samples? Maybe the ‘truth’ is somewhere in between, if you know what I mean.
Rice, I have never said that I wasn't representative of women in general with respect to my attitude towards sex. In fact, if anything, many of my peers were pretty much like me. However, what I have attempted, is to give some possible "reasoning" to explain why those women (the ones you have encountered) were the way they were by using the things that I have myself encountered and contemplated growing up, as well as through the experiences of some of my peers (including those who landed somewhere along the spectrum) and who were adversely affected by them (you know us young women, we discuss every single detail of our relationships, so we actually know what the other is "thinking" and "feeling" at all times).
"Maybe the ‘truth’ is somewhere in between, if you know what I mean."
That's all I wanted to hear from you, Rice (it's a far cry from women being non-sexual). That's a wrap! ;-)
Edited 9/16/2006 11:31 pm ET by rain_dancer_iam
<<if the first place>>>
"only one has said she could care less about sex and just does it to keep her husband happy."
So, if she COULD care less, then that means that she DOES care about sex. Right? (Sorry, I couldn't resist)
Still, given the media's portrayal of sex-crazed women, like on shows like 'Desperate Housewives' and 'Grey's Anatomy', don't you think that it would be likely that women who aren't interested in sex would be reluctant to admit it, even to their friends, and risk being considered 'weird'?
I have to admit that when I see sexually aggressive women, or even ones who are enthusiastic about sex, portrayed in TV shows, like the ones I mentioned, or in movies, my gut reaction is still "Yeah, right. Like that's ever going to happen in real life." The difference now is that after I think about it for a while, I have to admit that it could be possible, that they're not likely to be totally making it up, and that it could be based, at least partially, on reality. Just like the stunts that the men do could be real.
"...don't you think that it would be likely that women who aren't interested in sex would be reluctant to admit it, even to their friends, and risk being considered 'weird'?"
Aahhhh, Rice, now we come to a "social" difference once again between the sexes: Women, despite what the "myth" is, are social creatures and love to "discuss," "analyze" and possibly "solve" problems. We discuss our "feelings" in depth amongst each other (and men if they are willing) without judgement in order to just be "heard" or try and "help."
My own neighbor, like the woman Tish spoke about, is also one of these women who has never really had much interest in sex. (Her husband is a gem too.) She is not afraid to admit it to me in the least. The same with most women I know and have met (even acquaintenances), they have little problem stating their true feelings. Some women just "bond" and love to talk about sex. Sometimes they are "lighthearted" and sometimes they are "serious" discussions. Many of the husbands or SOs themselves of these very women who I discuss these things with, have confirmed what was said (even as far as stating that they couldn't care less about it). I'll never forget at one gathering (about five couples) one of the wives brought up "sex" and made some statement about "Being able to live without it." Now mind you, she was about 38 at the time and her husband was about 58 (although he was in great shape ). I just looked up at her and said: "Not me...sex is one of the things that I do not want to live without if I can help it." At this same gathering (and I felt for the husband here), we have a woman on the opposite end of the spectrum. In the middle of this discussion, she blurts out how only the week before, while giving her husband a blow-job she vomited all over him because she had drank too much...ugh! Her husband is such a great guy and I felt so embarrassed for him. He did leave shortly after and she made some remark to him about him waiting up for her. How he lets her get away with that is amazing! Anyhow....most women will tell each other exactly how they feel about things, Rice, without worrying about other women judging them (but there's an appropriate time and place, and that was not it!). If anything, we would simply discuss feelings, and of course, we would try and make them see their husband's POV. However, believe me, women do not worry about "looking good" in front of other women like men do. ;-) A woman would tell another woman exactly how many partners she had sex with (even if it was 100), whereas a man would never admit to another man that he was a virgin. ;-)
I haven't seen either of those shows, Rice, so I cannot comment on whether or not they are realistic.
"The difference now is that after I think about it for a while, I have to admit that it could be possible, that they're not likely to be totally making it up, and that it could be based, at least partially, on reality."
You have made my day, Rice! I am happy that you have finally seen the light....(even if it's only a glimpse) ;-)
Edited 9/17/2006 3:33 pm ET by rain_dancer_iam
Hello Rice,
Don't have much time now.
However, please run an analysis on these numbers for me.
Men fertile IE: ready willing and able 30 days a month. Men get wood 30 days a month.
Women fertile IE: ready willing and able 5 to 7 days a month. Women get a river 5 to 7 days a month (this is a good clear and slick river not the red one you may be thinking about).
How much hornier than men are women during that 5 to 7 days? In theory they have to squeeze 30 days of sex into 5 to 7 days. I don't think its fair!
I think after you review and analyses of the information above you may come to the conclusion that there is a slight possibility that it is a statistical fact that there are times when women are hornier than men. I certainly hope so. LMAO
I hope we are going to have some fun with this.
More to follow.
P.S.
I think the ladys on this board are honest and are trying to help you. Try to take what they write as the truth. They have no reason to decieve you.
Your reference to women being "ready, willing, and able" to have sex 5-7 days a month makes neither biological nor mathematical sense. Why is it necessary that women get horny at all, much less hornier than men? Personally, I have no empirical evidence that women ever get horny, and any evidence that has been presented to me does not appear to be statistically significant.
Also, I don't think that they're trying to deceive me, they're just trying to get me to admit that they're right. I mean, that's what women do. N'est-ce pas? LOL
Now, going back to my original question to you, what evidence have you observed, as a man, that led you to conclude that woman had a 'healthy' sex dirive?
"Also, I don't think that they're trying to deceive me, they're just trying to get me to admit that they're right. I mean, that's what women do."
No, just trying to get you to admit that you could be wrong. I mean, that's something that men don't do.... ;-)
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