Can't get fiance to be intimate, help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Can't get fiance to be intimate, help!
3
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 4:16am

I've been with "T" for seven months and we've recently become engaged. For the past two months we've been sleeping in the same bed and he's been a complete gentleman. However I've been trying to get our relationship to develop in the intimate area. I've tried wearing low tank tops with my pj bottoms and even just a t-shirt and panties to bed, grabbing his butt, teasing him, wrapping my legs around his, sitting on his lap, and even pulling him to me in bed and kissing him passionately. Once I've even tried hand cuffs (just messing around for fun that I hoped would help.) He will respond but he'll stop before it can go in the direction I want it to. He will kiss me unexpectly both in bed and out, touch my breasts, squeeze my butt, and even surprise me with an unexpected touch on my back, stomach, neck, arms, and face.

It takes me a little while to feel comfortable enough to respond when he surprises me like that. For example, the other night we were camping out in his tent and I turned to get comfortable. Suddenly he wrapped his arms around me and pressed his body close to mine. I was so shocked when he suddenly started touching my breasts that before I could respond he stopped and went to bed! He's making me frustrated and I'm already sexually frustrated enough. It's been a year since I've been intimate with anyone and two for him. You would think he would want to be intimate with his fiancee, but instead all I get is brushed off.

Does anyone have any suggestions?
(Please try to respond soon. We're camping out again in a few days.)
the_bride2008

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 7:21am

Welcome to the board the-bride2008.

Did the two of you talk about waiting until you were married before having sex? If not, have you told him that you are ready to become sexually active with him? Also, why are you taking so long to respond to his touch. It sounds like you might be sending him mixed messages.

As adults, especially adults who have become engaged, the two of you should be able to discuss this aspect of your relationship. Perhaps you should sit and have a conversation with him prior to your camping trip this week.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 7:27am

Have you actually tried having a conversation about this? You have no idea what he's thinking unless you do, and if you can't have a conversation about something important to you, then what exactly are you doing planning on getting married?

If he was feeling strongly about now having sex while not being married, then it would seem like he'd have said something about that, and that he wouldn't be sleeping in the same bed with you. It's possible that he may simply not have much of any interest at all in sex. Whatever the problem is, you need to get it resolved before you actually get married. You can't expect anything to change from how it is now just because you will have gotten married.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Tue, 06-05-2007 - 7:37am

I don't get it! You're basically flaunting your body at him, you're grabbing him, sitting on his lap, kissing him passionately (Is he responding passionately?)......but when he does the same to you, it takes you "awhile" to respond? Huh? That doesn't make any sense at all! And at the same time, when he doesn't immediately respond to YOU, it's a federal crime!

If you two can't talk to each other about this, then you have no business thinking about getting married. Actually, seven months is a bit fast to decide you'll get engaged...because you two don't really know each other, and you don't know how to communicate.

Being on different pages sexually, and being unable to communicate with each other isn't much of a foundation for a marriage! That's two out of three of the most important things in a marriage, the other being financial compatibility.

Start communicating.