can't get/keep erection

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2005
can't get/keep erection
2
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 8:00pm

So I know this is probably a common problem, but not one I am familiar with.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 8 months. We love each other very much. We took things really slow sexually for a long time because I was raped when I was younger and he wanted to take it slow, which I appreciated. Now we're more in love than ever - we've been attracted to each other for so long and we decided to have sex. (We've been having oral sex for a while, just not intercourse.)

Well, I had to go off the pill for a few months because of an allergic reaction I had to switching pills. So he has to wear a condom. When I "Tease" him so to speak, by like rubbing my hand on his inner thighs or kissing him on the neck or even us just kissing - gives him an erection.. but as soon as we try to have sex, he loses it after a minute or so. Its so embrassing him for him and it makes me feel unattractive or that I'm not good enough - I know its not that.. but its hard to feel any differently.

I think he just gets really really nervous and we always say its stage fright. This has gone on a few times now and its super frustrating. He wouldn't even try to have sex last night be cause he said he couldn't take the embrassment. How can I get him to relax?? I had him turn over the other night, gave him a long massage - did everything I could to get him to just relax and not be nervous. We send each other texts all the time, we talk about the things we wanna do to each other - and the oral is great (and by great, I mean grrreat) so why is it that we can't have sex?? Any ideas?? Do you think that its really that he just gets nervous?? Like we've built up how great it would be to do it together and now that we are both ready - its not working out. Any advice or anything would be great, thanks guys.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2005
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 10:07pm

It sounds like you're having a great time together.


My advice is to continue what you're doing. For now, try to

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 3:15pm

I would agree with you. It's stage fright. Penises are funny things and the two of you had this great big expectation and the reality wasn't quite how the expectation was and things went flop. Could be fears of pregnancy, of performance, etc that distracted him too. Just putting a condom on in front of someone can be a nerve-wracking experience. And then you can feel kinda exposed and slightly rediculous wearing a condom too.

Not much more that you can do at the moment. Physically he's fine. It's all mental. Once the "expectation" of intercourse wears off then his body will stop being so shy and things will happen. I guess that staying away from intercourse at the moment if the best thing. Keep massaging him, foreplaying and having oral. Make it clear that if he wants to try intercourse at any time that he's welcome to go ahead and try it. Don't go on about it though.