Can't Have Orgasms

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2007
Can't Have Orgasms
3
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 10:46pm
So here's the story: virgin when married, and on prozac. Got pregnant right away (planned) and had basically no sexual desires and never had an orgasm. Not on prozac or breastfeeding anymore. Still can't climax. He stimulates the cl*is and I don't get aroused hardly at all. Anyone had problems with this? Also, I'm taking wellbutrin now which is supposed to not have any sexual side effects but I'm not convinced. HELP!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sat, 04-14-2007 - 6:44am

Welcome to the board hotmama.

What was your arousal level like prior to becoming pregnant? The reason I ask is pregnancy does change you hormonally, and that could have an affect on your sex drive. Also, how old is the baby? It takes your body a while to readjust after childbirth and breastfeeding, so I wonder if you have given yourself proper time?

I take Wellbutrin and it does not have bad side effects for me. I have also talked with many friends who have switched to Wellbutrin and have been happy that their sex drive has come back, but that doesn't mean your body won't react differently. You can ask your doctor about that.

Have you ever been able to have an orgasm on your own, while masturbating? For women, an orgasm is very different than it is for men. Your head has to be into it as well as your body. If you are "waiting" for the orgasm to happen, it can actually zap your chances of having one. The website the-clitoris.com is an excellent place to learn more about your anatomy and your sexual responses. Both you and your DH may find it helpful to look at that website. Also, iVillage has this article:

Know Thyself: The Female Form 101
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexsolo/0,,traceycox_b6vtmjv3,00.html

It sounds like you might have a lot of things working against you right now. Try to relax and enjoy the pleasures of sex without concentrating on an orgasm. If you are worrying too much about the climax, or if you are not relaxed enough, then that can affect what you are feeling too. If I'm preoccupied with other thoughts, then stimulation can actually feel like an annoying thing. The key to turning that into a pleasurable thing is to relax and let go of my other thoughts.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2007
Sat, 04-14-2007 - 1:52pm
That's the thing. I always thought I was a horny girl until after my honeymoon. I didn't masterbate and don't feel morally right about it. I was on prozac when I got married. It was so frustrating to get so close and not climax. It's the same way right now. You're probably right about giving it some more time. I'm trying something called "Hot plants" also, it's a supplement. Heard of it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sat, 04-14-2007 - 2:36pm

I have heard of Hot Plants, but I don't know anyone who has used it. Do you find that it is helping at all? There are also heightening agents (like creams) on the market. You can get them in local markets (like the smiley face store), but they get mixed reports as to their effectiveness. One common ingredient is often menthol, which does increase the sensation of the clitoris. Many people use mints (Altoids are the most widely used) as a way to heighten pleasure during oral sex. DH and I have added that to our "fun list" of things to do, and it does create a very different sensation. (To use the mint, he just needs to suck on it for a while before performing oral sex, and can continue to suck on it during oral sex.)

Here's an article from Cosmopolitans Carnal Counselor:

Can arousal creams increase sexual satisfaction
http://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/experts/carnal/qas/0,,638358_641450,00.html

Do your moral thoughts about masturbation come from things you were taught as a child, or from views that you developed on your own? The reason I ask is because many people are made to feel that masturbation is a shameful act. Having thoughts that sexual acts are dirty or shameful can be detrimental to your overall outlook on sex, which can cause you to be anti-climatic. If you do think that your beliefs are affecting your outlook on sex within your marriage, is there anyone that you can talk with at your church? Often bible study groups, or ministers are available for counseling. While you may feel embarrassed to discuss your sexual health with your minister, you have to understand that ministers are there for guidance, and they do want you to succeed in your marriage.

When you say that you are getting so close, are you comparing this to orgasms that you have experienced or are you feeling sensations that you think are heightened? In the latter case, if you are having feelings that you think might be on the brink of an orgasm, you need to learn how to hold on to those feelings. A female orgasm creeps up on you and is sort of like a wave that you need to hold on to and ride. Your mind has to be available to enjoy the sensations -- not think about a pending orgasm.

During intercourse, have you tried to stimulate (or have him try) your clitoris at the same time? Vibrators are also good for this. One of the newer ones on the market is a vibrating penis ring. I find they work best in positions like WOT so that you can create a constant pressure between the vibrating cylinder and your clitoris. They are fairly small and definitely designed for couples to use together. You can look for them where condoms are sold in your local store (they actually come with condoms, but the condoms are not necessary to use).

HTH,
Misty



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