Can't have sex??!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2005
Can't have sex??!!!!
3
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 12:16pm
Last week my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time but we couldn't because I'm too tight down there, and he is, well...too big (his penis cannot even fit into a toilet paper roll!!!). It hurt like hell so I stopped. What can I do to ease the pain????
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 12:34pm

Dear Sillypearl,

I am assuming that you are a virgin. Take your time with this and be sure that you spend plenty of time in foreplay before attempting intercourse. A woman's vagina is designed to stretch quite a bit, after all it's designed to allow for birth, and I guarantee that a babies head is larger than your bouyfriends penis (most guys can't fit their erect penis into a toilet paper roll by the way).

Think about this long and hard, because it may be that you are just not ready for sex yet. Listen to your body, if you are not well lubricated and fully relaxed that is a good sign that your body doesn't want sex yet. As you and your boyfriend grow closer and closer by sharing your thoughts, dreams and secret selves, your body will spontaneously feel "safe" and you will know when you're ready.

Don't rush things sweetheart, you have a whole lifetime to make love and love making is about two spirits sharing their hearts, not just their genitals.

Good luck.
Scott.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Wed, 01-19-2005 - 12:53pm

I agree with Scott. Just because you think you're ready......there's a lot more to it than just thinking it.

What you experienced is NOT at all unusual. He's not huge, and you're not too small.

If you decided to have intercourse, I am going to assume that you've done "other things" prior to that night (or day as the case may be!). Those "other things" are called "foreplay".....they're ALL sex, and what you did was try to have intercourse, only one small part of "sex".

Did you just decide to "go for" the intercourse without foreplay? That's never going to work. All women, virgins or not, need foreplay to get them aroused, relaxed and well lubricated. Without that, even a woman who's been sexually active for years will have pain. You and he both have to understand that your vagina isn't your primary sexual organ...your clitoris is. And for your vaginal muscles to relax, and start to lubricate, you have to have clitoral stimulation, whether it's oral or manual. Regardless of how much foreplay you have, the first few times you're nervous, and when you're nervous, it's difficult to relax, and get well lubricated.

If you want to try again, then make sure you have LOTS of time for foreplay, and also, buy some sexual lubricant, like KY or Astroglide, and use it before you try to have intercourse. If it hurts, then STOP! Wait till another time. There is NO rush, you have a whole life ahead of you.

You and your b/f should check out this site.....there is lots of information there, things that you probably don't know about yourself, your body, and how it works.
www.the-clitoris.com.

Unlike romantic novels and movies, the first time for everyone is usually not that great. It takes time and practice to get to know each other, be comfortable with each other, and fully enjoy the experience.

Relax, enjoy, and let nature take it's course. It will get better!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2005
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 6:52pm
Thanks a lot Scott!!!...I really appreciate the advice.