Casual sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Casual sex
6
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 12:24pm
Ok I need some advice... I have been having a casual sexual relationship with a friend of mine and things started out very passionate. But now things are changing. The sex is still very much amazing, but he won't kiss me anymore. He says that he doesn't kiss "hook-up buddies". But we used to kiss. Does this mean that he is losing interest? Neither one of us are in the position for a relationship so this has been working out great for both of us. I don't want to stop sleeping with him. I would like to have a guys opinion on why he doesn't want to kiss me anymore. And I would like to get advice from other women on the situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
In reply to: lovlylady2006
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 3:33pm
Lovlylady, I will tell you this....Many men , even the married ones who deeply love their wives,tend to get "lazy" and forget about what a turn on kissing is for women.. In your case, the intial passion and newness is over so it seems he just wants to get right to the "good" stuff. He may not think that kissing is important to your being turned on. Most guys see kissing as something you do in the heat of passion with someone you love, not with a sex budy. If you tell him that you REALLY need it and enjoy it, he might oblige. Most men do not need kissing to get turned on, so as time goes by, they tend to do it less and less. I`d be more concerned about his comment calling you his "hook up buddy". You both know thats what you are , but for him to use that as an excuse not to kiss you isn`t right. My thoughts on that are he is not nearly as concerned with your pleasure as he is with his pleasure, but I could be wrong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
In reply to: lovlylady2006
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 3:45pm
Thank you for responding to my post. I don't know if this might have anything to do with it but, he dated a girl for a long time and she cheated on him and broke his heart. He hasn't dated anyone since then. That was about 5 years ago. One of our friends told me that she thinks he is trying really hard not to get "attached" or emotionally involved with me because that scares him. You said that you think he might not be concerned with my pleasure as much as his own. This I feel isn't true because we were all hanging out one night playing cards, something got brought up. And I mentioned to a friend that when I guy bites on my inner thigh its amazing. Well that night, he was definitely all about that, and he had never done it before. He most have overheard our conversation. And then this past weekend, one of our friends said she heard him smack my ass jokingly. And he was like what? you don't like it? and I said I don't know, shyly, and he said well I need to know for next time. Instances like that make me think that he is worried about his performance and how I'll like it. Can you offer any more advice or understanding?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
In reply to: lovlylady2006
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 3:55pm
Your friends might be right.. He might not be kisssing you because he could be afraid of falling for you. From what you said, it does sound like he enjoys giving you pleasure, so that probably isnt the problem...You might just come out and tell him it really turns you on to kiss him..One other thought, he also might think you are falling for him and maybe thats why you want to be kissed...Could you be falling for him?..It happens, its not called making love for nothing...Loving someone who just happens to be a great match for you sexually isn`t a bad thing. There are millions of peole who love someone who they don`t match up well with sexually, I can think of worse things......lol
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lovlylady2006
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 5:48pm

Gee. What ever happened to TALKING to the person you're banging? Has that gone out of style these days? My Goodness, if you're sleeping with someone and sharing everything physically with them, why waste time wondering and guessing what they're thinking? Why not just ASK?

To the OP: I'm fairly certain he knows you like him since you're sleeping together.

What's the worst that can happen by asking him what he's thinking? If this is just a hookup for him, then he'll probably be bluntly honest about that, but at least you'll know. IF it's not, then maybe he'll begin to show more concern for your pleasure.

If nothing else, it will get a REAL conversation started. But one thing's for certain, wondering, analyzing or assuming you know what another person thinks or feels will get you nowhere fast.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: lovlylady2006
Tue, 09-26-2006 - 6:07pm

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
In reply to: lovlylady2006
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 7:16pm
My BF & I recently had a discussion about why the two of us have no problem talking about sex, yet w/ our exes we were considerably less open. Part of the reason was that we started our relationship w/no expectations for a future together, but w/ our exes we always were worried about hurting their feelings and losing them. Now our relationship has grown into something much more serious, but with that foundation in openess we still talk about what we want from one another, what works, what doesn't.