Cheated with him. Tell her, or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Cheated with him. Tell her, or not?
3
Sun, 12-05-2004 - 6:08pm

Interesting the things that come out when people get drunk, isn't it?

In a round-about way I discovered from my partner this past weekend that 4 years ago, just before she met me, that she had a brief liasion with an old b/f at a "Welcome Home" party for her one night. She'd just returned from overseas and part of the reason she returned was because of an unhappy love affair - with a woman. The two of them were reasonably drunk, disappeared from the party for a while and nearly had sex. I say nearly because, well..., lets just say he was very excited and it was over before intercourse happened.

Now normally, I would say that's not an issue for me, that it was years ago, and what my partner did before me was her business (I even knew about the unhappy love affair overseas). Trouble is that the ol' b/f was married at the time so he (they) were cheating on his wife. Again, old news to a degree, but in recent weeks a rumour has surfaced amongst certain people in this small town that he (the old b/f) is having an affair and some people are looking at my partner. Turns out that he is currently cheating with someone-else but someone seems to have a long memory of that night 4 years ago and the issue has been a bit confused and the finger pointed at the wrong person.

She's been devastated by it because she was very upset and felt incredibly guilty then, and now, that she had let herself get drunkenly carried away with a married man. She has also been very upset that I might find out and what my reaction would be.

I am OK with things and I doubt that anything more is going to happen as far as we are concerned. I can't help wondering if anything should be said to the wife? I don't think that there is any point myself. After-all, that's probably not going to stop the rumours about my partner having an affair with this other guy, but part of me would like to stop it somehow. But how you'd do that without causing a bigger scene is beyond me. I guess that I'm just annoyed that someone out there has dragged up something from the past that indirectly affects me and people's opinions of me and my partner right now.

What do you think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 12-05-2004 - 6:54pm
I wouldn't say anything to the wife.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for gigi_1000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-05-2004 - 10:23pm
I think that Tish's suggestion is about the best. The more you "stir up" at this point the worse the rumors will get. Leave well enough alone and wait it out. Unless she is confronted by the wife, then she has to defend herself. Here's hoping that this rumor dies a quick death.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 12-06-2004 - 2:17pm
Thanks guys. I agree. There's nothing to be done and hopefully the rumours will die a quick death.