Cheating
Find a Conversation
Cheating
| Thu, 02-10-2005 - 5:13pm |
Has anyone here ever cheated? why? Did the person you cheated on stay with you? Do you think men cheat more than women, or vice versa?
| Thu, 02-10-2005 - 5:13pm |
Pages
I cheated on a girlfriend a long time ago. She never forgave me. I dated the other girl for 3 years after, but that ended badly as well.
I was immature.
Interesting thing about stats when it comes to people cheating, whatever those stats are:
Whichever gender cheated more with the opposite sex...
...still needed the opposite sex in order to do it in the first place. So, I've never been one to keep such stats in my list I guess, lol. Just a funny thought while sipping tea I suppose. :)
C H A R A C T E R
>>Whichever gender cheated more with the opposite sex......still needed the opposite sex in order to do it in the first place. So, I've never been one to keep such stats in my list I guess, lol. Just a funny thought while sipping tea I suppose. :)<<
No, that's not a funny thought at all. It's very logical and something that I often consider. My own thoughts are that the numbers are probably equal, however men are more likely to admit to it.
To the O/P. Yes, I've got a history of cheating. And through bitter experience, I have had to make some major lifestyle changes to prevent it happening again: I no longer have any close male friends, I don't seek the company of men and I don't see men while alone. The only analogy I can give you is that of an alcoholic. He knows he has no willpower to stop at one drink, so he stays away from the temptation. I have to do the same with men. I can assure you that it's not an ideal solution (especially because I really like the company of men), but solutions based on willpower alone have failed. This is the only way that really works.
One prostitute can service MANY customers a night though! LOL! And yes, most say that their johns typically have a GF or a wife at home. That alone could explain, at least, part of the higher male numbers.
Edited 2/11/2005 1:29 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
I did. I didn't have sex with anyone else, but at one time I talked to another woman and actually met her someplace. I stopped it before it started but my marriage was damaged for a time. We were seperated a year. 4 years later i feel my marriage and friendship with my wife is as strong as it's even been.
Very happily married now!
I used to wonder about that too, but I assume that the 'other person' is not married or in a committed relationship. So they aren't considered cheating but the person they are with is.
I can think of 5 people right off the bat, people I know personally, that are seeing a married person, or are a married person seeing someone else. So there are 5 people right there that fit the stats, and yet the person they are seeing doesn't, because none of them are in any kind of committed relationship. Not all married people who cheat are seeing other married people. Of the 5 I could name right now, 4 of the marrieds are men and one is a woman.
I haven't cheated, but know many who have.
It's fairly easy to see why people cheat...there are a variety of reasons that people list, but essentially it comes down to the fact that when we are unhappy we invariably look outside of our selves for the cause. Our culture promotes that way of thinking with the idea that you'll be happy if you just find the "right" person, make enough money or have enough stuff; if you are just more beautiful or more fit or more perfect. Look at all the "reality" shows that tell millions of people that you can't be happy unless you look, think and sound a certain way.
So we get fooled. We know that we are looking for something and so we start changing the people, or jobs or things that are around us. We get new boobs or leave our partners or take up some new exercise program or diet. For a while this works. The excitement of a new relationship, new car or new job temporarily distracts us from being unhappy. We're excited, because we have found the thing that will make us happy. However, in time that thing that brought us happiness suddenly doesn't. We start the process all over again, assuming that we have not found the right person or that we don't have the right job...we don't have enough, or we have too much. All of those changes can be good and may be the right thing, but usually we use them as an escape from pain that we can't really identify. In other words, we don't change things because we choose to, we change them because we don't know what else to do. It's really a form of self-slavery.
Happiness, happens when we realize that we have exactly what we need. It comes from seeing the beauty that is right here where we are. When you come to that realization, then you carry beauty and love around with you. You attract into your life all that you need and you realize that your partner is perfect exactly the way he or she is right now.
You can be just as happy in a cave in the mountains as you are with a wonderful partner. When that shift happens, then you are in a relationship with another not because you "need" them, but because you choose to be together. You are shining lights of love and the relationships are amazing. There's no need to change the other, feel guilty or blame them for your unhappiness because you realize that you are responsible for you own happiness and if you have an unhappy day it's because something needs to shift on the inside not the outside. When you reach that place, cheating doesn't happen, because there is no desire to cheat.
Peace.
Scott.
i have cheated more than once, but never have i cheated and gone back to the "original partner" i was with. i could never cheat on someone and stay with her. i could never hug a girl, look her in the eye and tell her i love her if i cheated on her. never have.
if i shift my attention to someone else, it means i'm no longer totally devoted to that first person anymore. my fault or not i don't know, but if i end up with someone else, it's over.
if i cheat, it means whatever i have going on is over and my attention, not necessarily consciously, is shifting elsewhere. it means i don't feel attached to that first person anymore and i'm making it obvious to myself.
even if i "just" think about cheating constantly and seriously, if i start looking and paying true attention at every single butt with a smile, or witty slick chick passing by in an interested way, i start realizing it's time to move on.
i'm 28, when i'm not totally and deeply into a relationship anymore, if things don't work as they used to, for me it's time to move on, make more experience, learn something new and not time to force things and make them work, even if it involves suffering, crying, spending months alone etc.
of course things can be different in other stages in life: with a particularly special individual, with kids, or after several years' relationships... but having never been there, i can't say. but with that "special individual", i can't see how i'd ever need/want to cheat. but never say never.... who knows where life might lead.
i've never been cheated on. that i know of. were it to happen, i wouldn't stay with that person. i would leave.
if the people i cheated on found out and left me i would've understood. but it only happened when things were already over and we weren't facing it.
i've never confessed cheating because i never wanted to keep things going. i like being honest, but when i understand i don't wanna be with someone anymore, i don't necessarily feel like i have to tell her i hooked up with someone who made me open my eyes 1 or 2 days earlier. i'm breaking up cuz what we got isn't working anymore, not cuz i found someone else/better etc. regardless of what happens with that person.
when i've cheated, it's always been a wake-up call.
as long as i'm happy with who i'm with, i could care less about any other woman in the world.
dunno if it makes any sense or if others can relate... just my experience.
Pages