Cheating -- can we all be honest?
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| Thu, 05-19-2005 - 9:00am |
OK, I love my husband very much and would never want to leave him or hurt him. However, I am currently involved in a romantic relationship with a man from work (I'm a 32 y/o school teacher with two kids.) My husband has ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA -- I am very, very, VERY careful.
We have had sex on my desk as early as last week -- yes at school. I know it's a little wild, but I anyways . . . and we also have sex in his car. Please everyone resist the urge or trying to give me advice as to how to fix my relationship problems with my husband -- I already know what they are.
what I don't know is, how many other women out there cheat, even if it was just a one-time fling. I feel guilty but not enough to stop, and I know I can't be the only woman in America who feels this way.
because I DO feel guilty, i'm trying to get a feel for how many other women explore as I have. I don't need anybody to fix my problems -- just to talk about their experiences with this. as for the men -- listen, too bad. women cheat, OK, just like you do. deal with it or make us happy and make us feel the way we should feel for keeping your home and giving you the gift of children.

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That was one of the reasons why I left my husband: I knew I mentally couldn't handle two relationships at once. I have watched two female friends enter into affairs (numerous time for each; one now divorced, other still married) and it's a fine see-saw in my book.
For all three of us, our husbands werenot giving us sex as often as we wanted. Once a month/every three months was our norm.
After my divorce, I was envious of my two friends because for a while they both got to keep their marriage and have great sex too. While I struggled being a single mom with no financial support from X. Yet I totally supported their needs to get what they weren't able to get inside the marriage. I totally supported their actions because each of them had discussed their displeasure/desires/wants/needs to husband only to be denied more (one husband wouldn't even talk about their sex life; other one said it was fine).
One of these females now has a STD and has to have paps every six months and she now realizes it was a price too high to pay. The other one finally divorced her husband, destroying her adult children along the way.
No one is making you do this. No one can make you stop. You just better be prepared to pay the piper when it's dues time. Good luck!
"And for your infomation, there isn't a man out there who would pass the chance to have sex with another woman IF HE WOULD NOT GET CAUGHT -"
jake, my boy, I'm going to have to call you on that one. This statement is total BS. There happen to be those of us who have the kind of sexual relationship with our wives that is so fantastic that we couldn't imagine being with another woman. I'm one, and I've tried. I encounter some very attractive and nice women every day and while I like looking at them , even dancing with them ( DW and I are dancers), the only one I want to be in bed with is my wife.
taoist
w y emilie,
I'm a teacher, too, and I see this from a different perspective. Sure, I have all the objections the others have about the cheating, but only GTB touched on what struck me the most about your story.
On your desk? at school? with a co-worker?
Are you crazy? Do you realize that you are putting your job at risk and maybe even your certification?
If anybody finds out you may be out of a husband, but almost cetainly out of a job, with slim chances of finding another.
taoist
Senor Taoist, you put it so eloquently about the cheating. My DH agreed with you completely. He said for some men one woman is sometimes too many and juggling more than that would be the death.
As for the school part, HOLY CRAP LADY!? Anybody-even a student-could have walked in and caught you in action. Kiss teaching good-bye.
Class dismissed.
Jennie
Emilie,
Yes, I'll admit it. I've been married for a little over a year and I do care about my husband.
However, I had a one night stand about a month and a half ago. I never thought that would be something that I would do. I've done a lot of soul searching since then as the guilt that I thought I should feel wasn't there. I have since approached him about continuing the affair.
No one knows how they will react to the situation until they are in it. Until last month I could not even comprehend that I would do somthing like this. Sometimes though life challenges us to think differently about ourselves and our lives. The inner turmoil isn't something I would wish on my worst enemy.
Erin
Apparently infidelity is the new black.
If you are going to have an affair, why don't you end your marriage? Go to your husband and say, "I've had sex with somebody else. I don't feel guilty. AND, I want to continue sleeping with him. You mean nothing."
Forsaking all others has become optional apparently. I applaud those who can keep to their vows. I abhor those who feel nothing for having done something so damaging to one's self-esteem, one's emotions, and one's sense of purpose, being, pride, and love for their mate. How can you look at your husband and tell him you love him and continue to sleep with him KNOWING that you are lying? I mean this collectively. How on earth can you do this and continue your marriage/relationship? DO YOU NOT FEEL ANY SORT OF GUILT OVER LYING DOWN WITH SOMEBODY ELSE? Does it not eat at you at night while you are trying to sleep? Do you not look at your mate and feel some stab of guilt because you've broken a sacred vow? May the guilt gnaw at what's left of your kind heart.
One of these females now has a STD and has to have paps every six months and she now realizes it was a price too high to pay. The other one finally divorced her husband, destroying her adult children along the way.
Hi: your friend might want to read a book titled: "What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About HPV and ABNORMAL PAP SMEARS" by Joel Palefsky, M.D., with Jody Handley. Mac
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