Cheating -- can we all be honest?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Cheating -- can we all be honest?
62
Thu, 05-19-2005 - 9:00am

OK, I love my husband very much and would never want to leave him or hurt him. However, I am currently involved in a romantic relationship with a man from work (I'm a 32 y/o school teacher with two kids.) My husband has ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA -- I am very, very, VERY careful.

We have had sex on my desk as early as last week -- yes at school. I know it's a little wild, but I anyways . . . and we also have sex in his car. Please everyone resist the urge or trying to give me advice as to how to fix my relationship problems with my husband -- I already know what they are.

what I don't know is, how many other women out there cheat, even if it was just a one-time fling. I feel guilty but not enough to stop, and I know I can't be the only woman in America who feels this way.

because I DO feel guilty, i'm trying to get a feel for how many other women explore as I have. I don't need anybody to fix my problems -- just to talk about their experiences with this. as for the men -- listen, too bad. women cheat, OK, just like you do. deal with it or make us happy and make us feel the way we should feel for keeping your home and giving you the gift of children.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Sun, 05-22-2005 - 9:04pm

If she's having to have Paps every 6 months, it sounds like she has HPV, not herpes. If that's what it is, it NEVER goes away. She can have normal Paps for the rest of her life, but she will always have HPV. I've had normal Paps for 20 years now, and yet I have HPV.

The other thing I want to just get off my chest is it's not just cheating people or promiscuous people that get STDs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 9:46am
Of course not. You can get HIV from a blood transfusion. I had a blood transfusion three years ago and was warned that I could possibly get Hep. C or HIV from it. I didn't, but I could. But, I'm trying to figure out how else you get an STD if you aren't promiscuous. I know that if you are monogamous with one person but they aren't, that there ya go. But, how else do you get STDs? Please tell me.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 9:53am

Gee, what a cynical, hopeless attitude, that is.

My DH has had opportunities to cheat (as we ALL do, btw) and never has. Why? Because he's strange or gay? No, because he has more respect for himself, me and our marriage.

With a fatalistic attitude like that, it's no wonder the divorce rate is 55-60%.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 10:02am

Ahhhhhh. So this is revenge sex then. You are having sex with this guy because your DH, as great as you say he is, isn't "making you happy or appreciating the gift of the children" you gave him?

Sounds like your time would be better spent dealing with the issues within your marriage than screwing some guy on your desk. IF you truly love your DH, that is.

But that's just my take on your situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 11:12am

Him not appreciating the gift of children she gave him?


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 3:01pm

*clapping for Kat and Tish*

See, she didn't want us to tell her to correct the problem. She just wanted validation. She wanted to know that everyone else is screwing outside their marriage.
Last time I checked, children were in fact a mutual gift. If I'm not mistaken, my husband did make this baby with me. In my eyes, he has given me a beautiful anniversary present. He has given me this gift and I'll always be thankful of our little baby. It has helped us grow so much. I don't understand what the OP's deal is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 5:28pm
Aloha - I can be honest and say that I am married (long story to share another time) and currently started seeing a guy that I have been in communication with because he owns the salon where I get my hair done and we have been seeing each other for about 2 weeks now. Our first intimate was this past weekend and forgive me for saying this but it was absolutly beautiful. I usto live above the shop he owns and when I moved I still came around to get my hair done. Well now we see each other every morning for coffee and breakfast at his shop before I go off to work which would be like 10 mins away from him. Anyway to make a long story short I love my husband dearly but we been living separate lives for awhile now and I have fell out of love with him and I have just been really lonely when he does come around and we make-love its not the way I want to make love he likes to be rough and get right into it which dont get me wrong its okay. Anyway I gotta go I defenitly would like to tell you more for I am experienced unfortunatly. Ill write again tomorrow
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 10:33pm

I'm 38 and I've had sex with a total of 5 people in my life, before and including DH. His number is 10, at age 41. One of us contracted HPV from a previous partner and gave it to the other when we'd been together about a year.

I wouldn't say at our ages and with the number of partners, that either of us was what anyone but the most conservative would call 'promiscuous'. You can be monogamous with your partner, but if either one of you have been with anyone else - even ONE person before (and in my book, a few partners don't equal promiscuitity) and that person passes something on, you can harbor a virus and not even know it. STDs don't necessarily mean someone was cheating.

And any woman with HPV (not HIV or herpes) is advised to have a pap done every 6 months. It's the cervical cells that change as a signal of cervical cancer -and a pap tests cervical cells. HIV and herpes can be detected by blood tests. That's why I said if the person in question has to have paps every 6 months, she probably contracted HPV. 6 month paps are standard for HPV.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2002
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 10:58pm

Let me say this. I am a man. I have been home with my DW probaly 7 days since the middle of April. Have I cheated on her during that time (no). Have I had the opportunities (yes, now I am close to the border with Mexico and there is a brothel across the border). I love my wife. When I said those vows 13 years ago, I meant them. It has been 15 days since I last saw my wife (I left town on Mother's day). I will go home on Friday. That is when I will have a woman's attention (or for that matter any other person's attention) to my manhood. Don't know what we will be able to do yet, but I am waiting.

CH

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 12:41am

And THAT'S why you're one of the good guys, Chahn. And your wife, as well, btw.

Not someone who justifies cheating because it's easier or self serving.

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