Cheating -- can we all be honest?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
Cheating -- can we all be honest?
62
Thu, 05-19-2005 - 9:00am

OK, I love my husband very much and would never want to leave him or hurt him. However, I am currently involved in a romantic relationship with a man from work (I'm a 32 y/o school teacher with two kids.) My husband has ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA -- I am very, very, VERY careful.

We have had sex on my desk as early as last week -- yes at school. I know it's a little wild, but I anyways . . . and we also have sex in his car. Please everyone resist the urge or trying to give me advice as to how to fix my relationship problems with my husband -- I already know what they are.

what I don't know is, how many other women out there cheat, even if it was just a one-time fling. I feel guilty but not enough to stop, and I know I can't be the only woman in America who feels this way.

because I DO feel guilty, i'm trying to get a feel for how many other women explore as I have. I don't need anybody to fix my problems -- just to talk about their experiences with this. as for the men -- listen, too bad. women cheat, OK, just like you do. deal with it or make us happy and make us feel the way we should feel for keeping your home and giving you the gift of children.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 8:03am

Dh doesn't travel for work much anymore and when he does, it's just a day trip.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 9:07am
Is it wrong to ask my husband to get tested for any STDs? I was tested when I had my first pre-natal visit. I was tested for HIV and I had a VDRL done when I signed up for my CNA class (had to, its required). I came back clean. The only reason I tested for HIV was because I had a blood transfusion a few years back for hip surgery. But, he's slept with way more people than I have. I've only slept with him but he's slept with 5 more than me. Three of us were all within a one month period of time from the other. Two of them weren't what I'd call monogamous. I was very much the virgin. But, is it wrong to ask him to get tested for my safety and his health?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 9:14am

Isn't "make a long story short I love my husband dearly" and "and I have fell out of love with him" contradicting eachother?

I think that you should go and be honest with your husband. Let him know that you've cheated and see where you can go from there. Tell him you did it because you were lonely and that his way of making love was too rough for you. Tell him you like Mr. Salon better because he's around more. I'm sure your husband will feel better about himself after you tell him. I'm sure he'll completely understand and won't get mad, right?

Yeah, right! :) I think you should be honest with yourself and your husband though. Its wrong to continue in a relationship with someone that you don't love but pretend to when he's around just to keep up appearances. Its wrong to break your vows like that and not at least attempt to make things right. Your ship has sailed, so you can't go back and repair anything. The damage is done, but be honest and tell him the truth. At least just being honest is enough, right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 9:39am

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 10:12am

Not to be rude sweetie - I don't need anybody to tel me how or what I should do me & my husband are aware of our issues. I don't think or feel that because I love my husband but not in love with him is contradicting eachother (In my case) My situation is a bit different from the begining as to how we met got married had kids etc. I have told my husband on many occasions of how I feel and what our marriage has been like in the last 1year and that because we both live separate lives he in one state me in another - there is just to much in my situation to be discussing on here but none the less, my husband is knows of my feelings. I agree its wrong to break your vows and to do what I did and Im sure in the long it will kick me in my a** and I would deserve every bit of it.

Thanks jenniekg for your honest opinion I do appreciate it - It helped me think on things but don't get your hopes up! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 11:05am
This is a bit of a non-sequitor, but exactly what is the difference between loving someone and being in love? I'm not doing this to be a pain in the arse, but because I'm curious.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 12:24pm

It's hard to explain and not everyone might see a difference in loving someone and being in-love with someone.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 7:56pm
Yes, it did. Thank you. The "in love" part that you described is how I feel about my husband..Except when I have really bad heartburn and I really want a Tums and he's trying to mack on me..Or when I have to pee and he's trying to hug me..I don't love him then when it requires something I really need to do-peeing or easing bad heartburn. But, I do feel that way. He's my heroe.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 4:32pm
I love my brother, but I am not "in love" with him...In love involves a deeper self indulgent feeling. One that makes you want to do everything possible to add to each others happiness.It involves a healthy amount of lust in many cases...Just loving a spouse could be described as living with your brother/ sister. Many people do that for many reasons.
In love means the "dream" is still alive.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 10:46am

Hi emilie,

Just read your post today, haven't had a chance to read the other posters. I felt sad when I read it.

The surest way I know of being unhappy is to demand that another make you happy.

Love,
Scott.

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