Is this common?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
Is this common?
16
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 11:03am

Ok, now I dont really consider myself a prude or really uptight when it comes to sex, but last night my man came on my face and I immediately felt like I had been violated.

~Kristina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 11:31am

I don't know if it's "common", but it's certainly not unusual, or unheard of.

What would bother ME a lot more than that is that he did it, knowing you disliked the thought of it. And the "excuse" that he "thought you changed your mind" is pretty pathetic. If you two discussed it, and you made your opinion clear to him, how and why would he think you changed your mind about it, unless you TOLD him that you had. The fact that he did it anyway SHOULD make you feel violated, in the same way that you would feel violated about anything that you've told him you wouldn't do, but he went ahead and did it anyway.

That reminds me of the post about a guy who "accidentally" slipped into his partner's anus when she'd told him specifically that she wouldn't do that.

What he did wasn't the end of the world, and there's no reason you should feel like a "slut". There are many women who don't mind it, and they're not "sluts".

What should really be bothering you is the fact that he doesn't care what you want, he does what he wants. I would certainly set him straight on THAT matter.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 11:42am

My question is WHY did your guy think you had "changed your mind" about it? Were you giving him mixed messages?

Did you overreact? Probably, but we tend to be hurt when our expressed feelings and desires are ignored. IF that was the case. But this sounds more like miscommunication than anything. Accept his apology and let it go. But make it CLEAR that you won't be changing your mind about this so there shouldn't be a repeat performance.

You're right though. Some women don't mind this and may even enjoy being sprayed in the face. Personally, I'm NOT one of those women and my DH doesn't understand the appeal either. He also thinks it seems demeaning and slightly passive-aggressive.

But because this act is featured prominantly in porn today, that would explain why some men may feel the desire to act it out. Maybe you can offer him the alternative of ejaculating on your breasts or stomach instead, if you're okay with that.




Edited 3/29/2005 1:24 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2005
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 11:49am
Your right that he shouldn't have done that. There is nothing wrong with him doing that if you tell him to do it, but the fact that he disregarded your wishes on this issue was disrespectful of him. However, every one makes little mistakes like this and as long as he doesn't try to push the issue again with you there shouldn't be a problem. Personally I would not like a guy going all over my face, although if your guy is really into this type of thing, you might want to suggest that he does body shots if you're more comfortable with that. It's easier to clean up and in my opinion is a lot more fun then taking it in the face. In my experience body shots are much more common than guys wanting to go all over your face.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 1:41pm

He thought you changed your mind? As you already know, that is no excuse...NOR did you indicate that suddenly you changed your mind that one day by what I've read so far.

If it makes you feel any better to actually know how "normal" this really is, then like the others have mentioned often on this message board, it isn't that unusual. HOWEVER, that IMHO doesn't matter.

You did what you needed, IMO, and you made sure he knew for CERTAIN now that you do still disapprove and I am VERY glad for you that you made sure he knew how you felt as well.

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2004
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 2:36pm
My bf wanted to cum on my face once, and I let him. It didn't bother me though. Most of the time though he just wants to cum on my breasts.
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Avatar for gigi_1000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 3:00pm
Even if 50% of women thought it was OK, the fact that you told him that you would not like it is the important factor. To me personally, and I am a man, I think that it is very demeaning to do that to a woman. It reeks of some animal "marking" his territory. You have every right to feel violated. Based upon your reaction, I doubt that there will be another episode. However, it does indicate some flaw in his personality that he would act contrary to your specific feelings.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 4:11pm

Some people enjoy it, some don't and some could care less either way.


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Avatar for elainetwirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 4:17pm
I have found in recent years that men are increasingly eager to do this kind of thing. I have had it happen to me, and the last time it happened I asked my lover why he wanted to do this. It would appear that there is a quite a lot of pornography dedicated to it, and this is where these idiots get the idea from. I have come to the conclusion that half of the pleasure they get from this is something to do with being superior to women. Elaine
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 8:32pm

>>I have come to the conclusion that half of the pleasure they get from this is something to do with being superior to women. Elaine<<

I'm not sure about it being a 'superiority' thing, but it is definitely a power thing - for a brief few moments the guy has complete power, control over his woman and is asserting his masculinity. I'm sure that some guys have always done it, but certainly porn has introduced it to the mainstream audience.

I don't like it unless the woman likes it. There is something very demeaning about it if the woman is not enjoying it or having fun with it too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 11:54am

hi there,

I'm sorry this has upset you so much! Personally, I love it when my bf cums on my face, PRECISELY because it makes me feel so dirty and slutty (I am normally a very clean-cut,law-abiding "good girl"). I have a few girlfriends who enjoy it too, and then some who don't either... everyone is so individual, if you don't like it tell your bf and make sure it doesn't happen again, but don't feel bad about not liking it!

GMG

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