completely lacking sex life

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
completely lacking sex life
4
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 3:16am
I have not had sex with my husband in forever (we're talking more than a year). I just have no interest in doing it, but I feel like something is seriously lacking in our relationship. Any suggestions on how to get a least some of the passion back in our relationship?????
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 4:06am

A very serious pat on the back to you for sticking with the relationship. I truly hope things will get better for you. PLEASE keep in mind that we have guesses and suggestions from people here, but sometimes a situation like yours MAY require professional help.

Most common reason I've read for this is the very same reasons I've read regarding a lack of kissing as well. This may not be YOUR answer, but the most common is the classic situation. Are you able to maintain eye contact? Do you trust each other? Do you hide too many secrets? Is your communication "revealing" or simply "carefully informative" by nature?

There are so many signs that point to a lack of true connection between a couple these days, and that almost always spills over to the sexual relationship unless each is both that lustful with each other.

So its either a general relationship problem or its simply a physical low libido issue. I think you'll be asked for more detail though. How does HE feel about the lack of it? How well did you enjoy it before anyway? Stuff like that.

Only suggestion I can personally guess for now is to try some tantric techniques. My favorite is the sensual body massages that wifey and I give each other, whether we engage sexually or not. The physical contact is perfect anyway. Yes we include scented oils and massage music and even candle light most of the time.

Others may simply suggest more exciting foreplay and introducing new sex positions. Just depends on what more detailed info you can provide about the problem you're having.

Now listen, I want you to do some homework here and take a look at which articles suit you best on this particular page:

In the Mood
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexinthemood/topics/0,,6wx2pqzf,00.html

VERY big help for many of us, including even MY married sex. Keep us posted. Hope the other replies can help you. :)

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 7:54am

I would agree that there is something seriously lacking in your relationship if you haven't had sex in a year with your husband.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 9:25am

I agree with the others, and with you. Something is seriously lacking in your marriage. Since you're the one with no interest, what's HE been doing for the last year?

Lack of sex and intimacy can be caused by two things, something physical, or something emotional. Physical is easy. Go to the doctor and get a checkup, including hormone levels. If everything is "normal"......then it's emotional.

What else is going on in your marriage? Very often lack of sex is just a symptom of other problems outside the bedroom. How satisfactory was sex when you WERE doing it?

Have you talked to your husband about this? What does HE say? If you haven't talked about it, why not? Maybe it's all down to lack of communication.

Whatever it is, it needs to be fixed, or one day there might not be a marriage. Sex certainly isn't the most important part of a marriage, but a healthy marriage includes sex and intimacy. Sex is like air, we don't miss it till it's gone.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 10:30am
Since you give few details about your situation, and if communication has broken down to a serious degree, then counseling may be the best way to deal with this problem. A counselor/mediator can help immensely, not only with communication skills but to get to the core problems that began the difficulty in the first place.