Condom Question
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Condom Question
| Thu, 11-18-2004 - 1:59am |
Just a question that I have been very curious about. I just got married the end of October and was a virgin. I had been on birth control, se we never used a condom. I here that guys don’t like to use them and that sex is not as good with one. What is the difference? How does it feel different? I don’t want to try it out because my husband would be insulated (he has had other partners but is clean of STD’s) Are there any perks of using a condom? Since I was a virgin it takes us a while for him to “get in”. Would a condom help?

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Hi Justmarried:
Congratulations on your marriage.
Congratulations, Newlywed!!!
As a male, I hate using condoms. For one thing, I have to stop the foreplay to put it on. I've heard that there are ways to make that sexy, with the woman helping, but I haven't found it that way.
Another point...imagine wrapping the most sexually sensitive part of your body in a sensation dulling wrapper. The feeling of skin on skin while I'm thrusting is a major turnon for me. Having that dulled detracts from the lovemaking.
On this next point, I'm speaking for myself. It's important for me to cum inside the woman, to leave a part of me inside of her. Emotionally, I feel something is lost when my semen is caught in a condom.
May you and your DH have many happy years together.
Condoms won't help with penetration but lube will.
Something that no one else touched on......You WERE a virgin, and you have problems getting it "in". You've only been married a few weeks (by the way, congratulations!) and it takes time for everything to get relaxed and comfortable.
Your "virginity" ended after the first time, and that has no bearing on penetration any longer. The reason you have problems is just nervousness and stress, which causes you to be "dry". Also, if he's not taking enough time in foreplay, you're not going to be fully relaxed and aroused. Your vagina is surrounded by muscles, which are tight until you're properly aroused. (being "willing" isn't enough, that's not being aroused.) Once you've had enough foreplay, consisting of manual and oral stimulation of the clitoris, your vaginal muscles relax, and there shouldn't be a problem with insertion. You can still be a little nervous, and dry. That's where sexual lubricants come in. Buy some, and use it until you two "perfect" your techniques. Once things start going well, you'll produce plenty of your own lubricant.
Some men, and even some women don't realize that the vagina isn't a woman's main sexual organ.....the clitoris is more important than the vagina. Most women need clitoral stimulation to become aroused enough to make intercourse painless, and most women don't have orgasms from intercourse, unless they're also getting clitoral stimulation at the same time.
For more info on the clitoris, orgasms, and successful sex.....check out www.the-clitoris.com You'll probably both learn new things about your body. Good Luck!
PS: As for the condom question....as long as you're taking the "pill" properly, meaning every day at approximately the same time, there's no need for condoms as a back up to birth control. They won't make insertion easier, for sure. Some men don't mind them, but most men dislike using them, and there's no reason for them in your case.
>>>>As a male, I hate using condoms. For one thing, I have to stop the foreplay to put it on. I've heard that there are ways to make that sexy, with the woman helping, but I haven't found it that way. <<<<
We have to stop foreplay anyway to apply lubrication. So this would not be much of a problem.
>>>>On this next point, I'm speaking for myself. It's important for me to cum inside the woman, to leave a part of me inside of her. Emotionally, I feel something is lost when my semen is caught in a condom. <<<<
I never ever thought about it like that. But as a women’s point of view, I hate having to wait for all the semen to come out of me. I find it very messy.
>>>>Condoms won't help with penetration but lube will. If you're having problems, get some KY, Astroglide or one of the many other lubes made for sex. >>>>
We have been using lube. Only way for him to be able to enter me. What do you know about the new warming lubs? Are they any good? What is so good about that fact that they cerate a warming sensation?
>>>>You said he was tested for STD's but are you still worried and is that why you're thinking of condoms or do you just want to get off of BC?<<<<
No I am not worried about STD’s. And no I cant get off of BC. I have been on it for about 6 months and cant go off until menopause. I get sever cramps (so bad I got put in the hospital) and am sick for about 3 days during my period. I was just wondering if an already lubricated condom would make penetration easer.
>>What do you know about the new warming lubs? Are they any good? What is so good about that fact that they cerate a warming sensation?<<
Yes, we've tried the KY Warming Liquid. Quite enjoyable. Certainly nothing spectacular about it though. Ever had that "Wow! That's cold!!!" moment when applying lube? You don't get that with the warming liquid - it just feels body temperature warm from the moment that you apply it and you continue to get a mild, soft warm sensation after a short few moments. Sometimes I almost think that it's a tingly warm sensation but it's not really tingly at all. It's been a very subtle sensation for us although I have heard some people say that it's a burning sensation - which can't be good. Only other side effect that I've noticed is that all the soft tissue of the penis and labia get a really red, engorged look to them. I guess it's all that warming sensation stimulating all the fine blood vessels or something.
It's got a place in our bedside drawer and gets used now and again.
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I haven't had any experience with the warming lubes or
But as a women’s point of view, I hate having to wait for all the semen to come out of me. I find it very messy.
I don't understand why your waiting for semen to come out. Do you stand up and let it drip out? I ususally go straight to the restroom after I'm done with the sex (this is good practice because it will reduce the risk of bladder infections, also known as the honeymooner's disease) and clean myself up that way. Also a warm washcloth not only feels good on the engorged parts of your body but also helps with the "messiness."
As far as the trouble your having with your husband penetrating you, you said that you have used lubricants and they still don't help. It sounds like you are way too nervous and are not relaxing. You and your husband need to focus more on foreplay and less on the act itself. By foreplay, I am not just talking about kissing, stroking, touching, etc. Foreplay can last an entire evening starting with a romantic meal, walk in the park, going to see a play, anything that you both enjoy doing together. Good luck and congratulations on your marriage.
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