condoms don't like me

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2005
condoms don't like me
4
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 5:45pm
I seem to have this issue with condoms. Does anyone else have this same problem?
When my BF and I use a condom I get dry. I can't stay wet at all. It's so frustrating. it kills the mood for me and I feel like I'm letting him down. I hate the thought of having to use a lubrication because quite honestly if I can't stay wet then I'm not aroused and wby have sex in the first place? It sucks I don't understand it. What's wrong with me? This is only the second guy that I've been with. my first bF and I didn't use condoms. I know that's bad. and I learned my lesson because I found out he cheated on me, swore he used condoms when he did and so far I'm still ok. Thats months ago. Anyway, what do I do?
Also, we talked about not using them at all. That makes me nervous. I'd like to, don't get me wrong, it's more enjoyable for me, and I'm used to it. But, how do I know that he's really clear?? how do I ask him about it so that I can be sure of safety? I don't want to be rude about it but how do you know? Should I ask for proof from his doctor? I know he's been with several women at least, he's 7 years older then me.
Any help would be greatly appreciated with this matter. I am not good at talking about things like this, even with my doctor. So I have no clue how to approach this kind of subject.
thanks again!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2005
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 6:32pm

The first time I had sex with my bf (now ex), I was really dry and it was painful. He's my ex for a reason, but to his credit, he was good about talking about sex and being understanding in that area. He said I wasn't lubricated enough because I wasn't 100% ready, and I think this was true, as I was really nervous.

Things did get better, as the relationship progressed. Have you and your boyfriend tried longer foreplay to get you even more aroused before starting intercourse? With my ex, we did more foreplay, he used his hands on me first, and used lubricated condoms. Also, as I stopped worrying about whether or not I would enjoy it, the sex became more enjoyable. I had posted on these boards before about my hangups and the best advice I got was that so much of enjoying sex is about being in the right state of mind.

I hope things get better for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 6:47pm

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 8:00pm

First of all, how are you sure that you didn't get anything from your ex that cheated on you? Did you, yourself, get tested for STDs? If not, then you should. For some STDs 80% of women don't show any symptoms. And also, condoms don't protect you from every STD.

As for your current boyfriend. If you want to stop using condoms, I hope you are using some other kind of birth control. In addition, if you ask your boyfriend if he has an STD I doubt he will say yes. If he does have something, chances are he doesn't know. Don't fall for the "I know who I've slept with" response. People like to think that they can trust their partners not to have anything, or know if they do and tell them so. The only way to know for sure is to make him go and get tested.

There is nothing wrong with using lubricant. There are many women that need to use lubricant every time they use sex, with or without a condom. It is a fairly common complaint from women that they dry up when they use condoms. I'm sure your boyfriend will understand if you need a bit of additional lubricant to make it enjoyable. After several partners I'm sure he's experienced one in the past that's had issues getting wet.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 6:14pm

I had the same problem. There was no question of STD's because I was a virgin, and he only had sex once. We're both young. I brought up the problem to my GYN, and she recomended birth control. Pills were her first recomendation, but I ended up taking the Depo shot because I am to irresponsible to remember the pill every day. I have been on Depo for two months, no problems.

The sex has been unbelievable, I never had the problem staying wet again.