Confidence.. :(
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| Wed, 10-17-2007 - 5:02pm |
I need your help and advice on being more confident in the bedroom.
I've had sex with my wonderful bf about 8 times now, (he's the first person I've actually had sex with because it's a serious relationship we've been together for 2 1/2 years.), but I still feel like such a newbie at everything.
My bf thinks I'm not confident because he says that I "don't tend to take any initiative with things."
He's referring to how he's always the one to grab my hand and put it on his penis. He says when he does that, his penis is already hard, which means he had to be the one to make it hard without my help. Like when we are just laying together watching tv in the bedroom.
It's not that I'm not interested, because we both know I love sex. It's just that..I'm so new that I feel like I have to have help and I don't really like to take the lead with things like that. I've never played with it while it's soft. I don't know how much of a difference it would be but for some reason I'm too shy or embarassed to do it. Help!
How can I show him that I'm confident without letting my shyness or thinking I'll embarass myself get in the way?

It's not uncommon to be shy when you first begin having sex, but having been with your BF for 2 1/2 years, you should be able to feel confident that he wants to be there with you. I'm a little confused about your statement where he is indicating that he had to make it hard.
Are the two of you being intimate at the time, or just laying there watching television? While everyone has their own style of initiating, for most people, I don't think it just involves grabbing onto to what you want, kwim? Are you kissing, cuddling, caressing each other? There shouldn't be a race to get to the finish line. Foreplay is very important, and as much as he wants you to make him hard, it doesn't have to be from you directly stimulating his penis (not that that is bad either).
This is all new to you, and it may take time to get more comfortable with initiating in some respects (like you might not feel bold enough to just go down on him, or to walk up to him naked in the TV room and start rubbing on him), but you can also initiate in more gentle ways. While you're already in bed, try laying with your head on his shoulder and begin with caressing his chest; have your legs intertwined, and let your hands move down to his penis; kiss his neck; nibble on his ear; rub your body up against him. Those are all things that he should find arousing, and they're all signs that you are initiating a sexual encounter.
Here are some articles that you might also find helpful:
Better Sex, Easy as 1-2-3: 20 Tips Every Couple Should Know
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextechnique/0,,drruth_r9s4,00.html
5 Things That Can Ruin Your Sex Life (and how to avoid them)
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexconcerns/0,,traceycox_7slp2dh5,00.html
3 Surefire Ways to Please a Man in Bed
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextechnique/0,,drpatti_mg4w,00.html
10 All-Time Best Bedroom Tricks
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextechnique/0,,traceycox_b1g0g04t,00
10 Things Good Girls Can Learn from Porn Stars
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextechnique/0,,9x7nhpjx,00.html
I'm sure the reading can keep you busy for a while, but try to get your mind frame into knowing that your guy wants you to rock his world. It's okay to start off slow and work your way up, into bolder things. Chances are, you'll be getting so much positive feedback from him, that you'll be able to take the next step(s) easily.
Have fun experimenting, and let us know how it's going.
my partner in the siggy exchange
my partner in the siggy exchange