Is confidence always an issue?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2004
Is confidence always an issue?
5
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 1:44am
When ever I start seeing a guy and the whole bedroom thing comes about, I can never go all the way. Of Course sometimes I want to have sex, but I just can't. I know that I give good blow jobs so I never have a problem doing that. So sometimes I will give a blow job to get out of having sex. When we are usually about to have sex I get really afraid that I will not perform well and always make up a story to get myself out of the situation. I havent had sex in over a year now, and I have only slept with two people. I want to experience the world of sex with guys but sometimes I feel like I would be known as trashy, or that I would be bad and he would never call me again. I feel like I am at a point in my life where sex should be experienced and that I should have fun while I can. Should I just skip all of this fuss and try and stick to where I currently stand and not have sex, or should I just go for the gold and bite my lip, and if I should try sleeping with someone again how do I become more confident?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 7:12am

HI H:


From a guys point of view, YOU need to find a guy that can be a friend first; NOT JUST SEX.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 8:27am

My opinion on this is, if you make up excuses not to have sex, purposly finish him with a bj so you don't have sex, worry about your preformance, etc. then sex is not something you are ready for.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 8:45am
I don't understand. You worry about feeling trashy(is that the pc way of saying slutty?)...but you don't worry about feeling that way while giving a bj?

You don't sound ready for sex(even though you've had it before), and you're doing things for the wrong reasons. Sex is about mutual pleasure, and if you're with a man who isn't interested in your pleasure, or you're not interested in your own pleasure, then I suggest you wait until both of those can be had. I could never understand how women would just give out bjs. I would only "service" or be "serviced" if I was in a trusting relationship.

I suggest you stop ALL sex, and try being in a caring/trusting relationship first. You'll know when you're there, because you won't have doubts, and you'll want to give pleasure as well as receive it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2004
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 11:53am
Some things you said make me think you are wanting casual sex, or just a few dates first. But you are also worried about seeming trashy, so I'm not sure.

"I know that I give good blow jobs" I'm sure you didn't at first. That was something you had to learn to do well. Why should sex be any different? You aren't going to go from novice to expert in one night. You need to give yourself time and patience, and also understand that every guy likes different things, so each one is a learning experience.

"I feel like I would be known as trashy" If you're sleeping around, that's a possibility, but what matters is whether you feel good about what you're doing.

"or that I would be bad and he would never call me again." So...? The kind of guy who wouldn't call again is not the kind of guy you want a relationship with. And if you are just looking for sex, who cares if you're good or not? Just enjoy yourself.

"Should I just skip all of this " Yes, you probably should. If you don't want to have sex, why are you forcing yourself? Just because you are at a time of your life (how old are you, by the way?) where you feel like you are supposed to be having sex? If you don't want to, don't worry about what you "should" be doing, or what other people your age are doing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 2:59am
Well I'm puzzled. If you are giving a BJ then you ARE having sex despite what Mr. Clinton might think.

No-one is born knowing to have intercourse or knowing how to 'perform' - just as you had to learn how to give a BJ you have to 'learn' how to have good intercourse. And like a BJ different things work for different partners better.

Part of becoming good at intercourse is learning what your new partner likes and dislikes.

I guess that means that you shouldn't worry too much about it because even if you think that you're great your new partner may think that your 'great technique' isn't so great at all. In many ways, it's a level playing field. We all start out at the "intercourse is ho-hum" stage with a new partner. And if you know that a penis goes into a vagina then your halfway there already.

Having said all that, you should probably find a b/f that is prepared to wait until you are ready for sex before having sex with him. After a few months of dating you should know the guy well enough to take the chance and have sex with him. If he doesn't call the next day then you might reconsider who you are choosing to have a serious relationship with! You don't have to have sex with a man that may or may not call the next day. Wait until you are sure that he will call!