Confidence Issues...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2007
Confidence Issues...
5
Mon, 12-17-2007 - 1:15am
I have been having trouble enjoying my late night flings because I am so self conscious of my body. I am terrified to be on top for fear that my partner will see all my flaws. I have never even had sex completely naked. I always have at least a bra on because I am so self conscious. This is beginning to have an effect on me enjoying our little sack session because I am too worried about what he is thinking of me. I am so self conscious that I can't relax enough to enjoy myself and let things flow, which I believe is the result of me never being able to achieve an orgasm. I worry too much about my partner. Does anybody have any tips to help me get passed this
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 12-17-2007 - 1:32am
Get Drunk?? LOL
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 12-17-2007 - 1:52am

You are what you are, and you need to learn to accept the way you are, or fix it if it's possible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 12-17-2007 - 9:16am

Welcome to the board, chacha1988.

One thing you have figured out is that your brain is your largest sex organ. Worrying about what "he thinks" will surely keep you from relaxing -- which is essential if you are going to get the most enjoyment out of the experience.

You didn't mention what type of relationship you are in. If you're in a loving, committed relationship, you need to believe in yourself and your partner. He wouldn't be there with you if he didn't want to be -- and he wouldn't want to be with you if he didn't accept you, all of you. If you're having casual sexual experiences, then it doesn't sound like you're getting out of them what you should be.

Working on your own self confidence is not only going to help you in the bedroom, but it will help you with other aspects of your life. Here are a couple of resources that you might find helpful:

5 Things that can Ruin Your Sex Life (and how to avoid them)
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexconcerns/0,,traceycox_7slp2dh5,00.html

A Feel Good Article
Boost Your Body Image in the Bedroom
http://diet.ivillage.com/motivate/mimage/0,,Jessica%20Weiner_b77pvv7g,00.html

Try to find a way to rechannel the "worry" you have about your partner. Start worrying about his satisfaction instead of what he's thinking about you, and you're likely to find yourself lost in a sex act instead of uptight about it. Let your acts bring pleasure to both of you. Have a drink or two before you begin your experience, and that might help you relax enough to begin changing how you feel with your partner.

You've already taken the first step -- realizing that you're working against your goals. Keep that in mind as you try different things to find your sexual confidence.

Keep us posted on how it's going.





iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2007
Tue, 12-18-2007 - 2:10am
Hi Chacha.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2007
Tue, 12-18-2007 - 11:34am

Hi Chacha,

You have already gotten some great responses and I definitely agree with the pp. I just want to share something with you. I am super self-conscious and I do understand how you feel, but keep this in mind:

Dh has told me so many times that there is something hot about every women. No matter what she looks like or what her flaws are, every women is HOT to him. I have no idea if he is just telling me that, but I'll buy it because it makes me feel good!

Personally, I think that the biggest thing that makes someone sexy is their confidence. Go out and get yourself a sexy little teddy that you'll feel good in. No bra! Let your partner rip that thing off and let yourself go a little! Are you bold enough to ask him part of your body is his favorite? That could be a great boost for your confidence. HTH!