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Confused?
| Wed, 11-03-2004 - 12:16pm |
Ok, I have this personal problem that I can't figure out...so here it goes, Anytime that I get close to someone as in ( a friendship and nothing more!) I get upset if one of my close friends starts becoming close to someone else, why, I think it's because I'm afraid of losing my friend to someone else and I get very upset and all emotional about, and YES I DO understand that my friends have every right to hang out with other people and everything, It's just that it still upsets me inside, like whenever I ask someone to hang out they're like well I might have plans with so and so and I'm like Well I asked you the same thing 2 weeks ago and they're like I know but, blah ,blah, blah and it just drives me nuts, like sometimes it feels like they want to be with those people other than me!!! I have told my friends how I felt and they say that's not true or whatever it just still makes me upset though and I'm not sure how to over come that...it's hard....and making new friends is NOT the answer because that is easier said then done....and I don't really want to, it's hard for me to trust people and say things that only my friends would understand...it's complicated...does anyone have any suggestions or advice?!?! Please help...Thanks...!!!

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Why don't you get what Steph said to you about her not appreciating the guilt trips?
Put yourself in her shoes. You tell your friend Steph that you can't do anything with her this weekend because you've arranged to do something with another bunch of people. Steph then says to you "Yeah, that sucks. If you're not my friend then I guess that I don't have any friends. I might as well kill myself".
How do you suppose that would make you feel? Doesn't make you want to spend more time with Steph does it? Who wants to be bothered with a selfish little drama queen that makes you feel guilty about spending time with other people?
Why don't you get along with Jenny's other friends? What have they done to you to make you dislike them? What do they do that you don't like?
In some of these situations I hang out with my friend and go along with her when she hangs out with these other friends I dislike. I don't have to spend much (or any) time talking to them or pretending that I'm friends with them. I am polite, I talk to them, but I don't even bother thinking that I want to be friends with them. I am simply there to have a good time with my friend.
let me know in detail
Not to be offensive or anything but those aren't the only things that factor into being a good friend. Frankly from your posts, I can tell you why they treat you differently. You say you're fun to be around, but somebody who tells me they're gonna go kill themselves because I have other plans, which THEY do not partake in of their OWN choosing, is NOT fun to be around. In fact, when that happened it would be the end, a person who threatens their friends with their own suicide over some stupid plans is NOT fun to be around.
You say you're honest and trustworthy. Thats all well and good, but what about being patient, tolerant, and friendly. You can't stand their friends...thats not thier fault, thats YOUR problem, so you need to either get over it or accept that they ARE going to spend time with others, whether you choose to join them or not.
Lastly, from your posts you sound VERY VERY clingy, and frankly, annoying. You say yourself that if they won't listen to you, you "say there name like 9377385 times" do you realize how annoying that is!!! They're talking to someone else, wait your turn, and when they want to they'll talk to you. Repeating their name over and over is something a 4 year old does. And frankly, the more you do that the less they're gonna want to listen to you. I suggest you get more comfortable with yourself, and being by yourself, and being around other people that aren't you're favorite to be around. Thats the mature thing to do, and the more you continue this clingy, annoying behavior the more your friends are going to pull away.
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Like I said above, overtime they probably are starting to like their other friends better than you. Their other friends don't repeat their name a zillion times when they don't immediately respond, they can have other plans without getting guilt trips from their other friends, their other friends aren't clingy or intolerant of their other friends. Their other friends are more pleasant to be around than you are from the sound of it.
I'm really not trying to be mean, but everyone here has given you good suggestions and you're still not getting it. So maybe being blunt is the best way...change the way you treat your friends and stop being clingy, annoying, and cruel (guilt trips) or else you will not have any friends left. The way to stop being clingy...find more friends...join larger circles of people...join a club...get involved...stop depending so much on your friends.
And I really think Tish and Westridge are right...whether you like the way you are or not, it sounds like counseling would benefit you (your college probably has counseling resources)...talk to them, see what they say, maybe a professional would have better suggestions about what to do about your jealousy and insecurities than we would.
Good luck
Angel
I'm also wondering how perceptive you are to the conversations that are going on around you. You've posted a friendship issue on a sex board and then you get upset when people move onto more current, relevent topics. Everyone here deserves a chance to be heard, and so the new topics are on the top 10. It's about taking turns.
Not trying to be negative, but I do agree with alwaysaangel that the reasons people are not wanting to be around you are quite obvious from here.
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