confusion about STD - was it me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
confusion about STD - was it me?
10
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 10:43am

Hi,

The guy I've been dating for 2 months showed symptoms of an STD the day after we were intimate last time (last Tuesday). So he went to see a doctor, and the doctor was pretty positive that it's Chlamydia. He's now taking antibiotics and the symptoms went away. The result will come back this week. Since he just informed me about it, I haven't got tested yet (will go today). The thing is, he now thinks that I was intimate with someone else, which I wasn't. He said that's the only plausible explanation since he isn't sleeping with anyone else (I think he ended his last long-term relationship 4 or 5 months ago). He's suspecting me because he asked his doctor when was the earliest possible time that he could've got the disease, and the doctor told him 2 months ago. The first time we were intimate was the end of January. Before him, I was seeing another guy until Jan 10 or so. But I was tested last December, for STDs and HIV, and everything came back normal. So I am really puzzled. Unless the last guy I was seeing was fooling around between December and January, I don't see how I could've got it. I'll ask him about it after I get my test results. But am I the only suspect here? Why did it take so long for him to show symptoms (and on the day after sex??) I know he has every reason to think I was sleeping with someone else because just two days before that, I mentioned this other guy who wanted to be exclusive with me. But I really wasn't! As far as I know, we were sexually exclusive but not dating-exclusive. Right now I just want him to believe that I wasn't fooling around but I don't know how to prove it (other than asking my ex to get tested but he's such a jerk he probably won't tell me anyway). Any ideas? Thanks!

J

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 11:14am

You could have it and infected him or vise versa.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 2:58pm

It really doesn't matter who gave it to whom! You should BOTH just thank your lucky stars that it was found, and that it's one of the CUREABLE STD's......just think, it could have been AIDS or Herpes!

His "timing" could be off, so could yours, and SO could the doctor's. (he can't predict EXACTLY how long it was "incubating", that's only a guess!) It really doesn't matter who did what. The important part is that it's taken care of ASAP. If he doesn't believe you that you haven't been sexually active since you met him, then shame on him. That says a lot about his real feelings toward you. If he doesn't trust you, then you shouldn't be with him.

You should BOTH refrain from sex until you've finished your prescriptions, or you'll be passing it back and forth to each other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 4:54pm

Well, like the others have said, with this disease there isn't any definite way of telling who gave it to who in your situation - the Doctor is guessing when he says that the earliest he could have gotten it was two months ago. You can't put an exact timeframe on this because it can go without symptoms for a long time and it can take a few times before you catch it from a new partner. He *could* have had it longer - back from when he last slept with someone and likewise you *could* have gotten it from your last b/f and it took a while for your new b/f to catch it from you.

>>Any ideas?<<
I don't know what else you can say. If he doesn't believe you tell him to google it and do some of his own research. You know that you aren't lying and that you haven't slept with anyone else. And ultimately there isn't much point arguing about it. It's happened, and the two of you either have to believe one another and get on with life; or you don't, and you continue to accuse each other of sleeping around.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 6:41pm

Were you sleeping with the last guy (the one you were seeing until Jan 10) when you were tested in December? Was he tested? If you were tested and came up clean and didn't sleep with anyone between then and the guy you are seeing now, it is not likely you passed it on to him.

When was the last time the guy you are dating was tested (before this time around)? Aside from his last relationship, do you know who he slept with between the time of the break up and the time you two started sleeping together?

Chlamydia can be present in the body for years without showing any symptoms. Just because he started experiencing symptoms since he's been with you doesn't necessarily mean he contracted it from you. Symptoms can show up as early as two weeks, a few years down the track, or not at all. This is why it is sometimes called the "silent disease". This means he could have had it from his last relationship and not known about it.

You can't prove that you didn't have it unless your ex gets tested and comes up clean. Or you can convince him that you didn't sleep with anyone between the time you were last tested and the time you two slept together. He needs to be educated that he could have had chlamydia all this time and not known about it.

Good luck.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 9:33am

Hi,

Thank you for all your kind replies. After i got tested last (early) December, I continued being intimate with my last guy until Jan 10. I don't know if my ex was tested. My current guy hasn't been tested for a while either. Well, we've now decided to cool things off and date other people (but not sleeping with anyone during the treatment, of course). He said it was like a wakeup call that he should've been more careful about it. I guess he freaked out a little. It sucks, but I can understand how this distgustingly bad timing could put me in this unpleasant position and make me the primary suspect. We do leave the possibility open for the future. He still calls me and wants to remain contact, but I guess he doesn't want to be committed to me, at least not right now. Oh well, what can I say? I feel bad enough that/if I gave it to him. I'll call my ex to have him tested too. Hopefully that will clear up some things. Thanks again.

J.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 2:05pm

Hi guys,

The latest update: both our tests came back normal! What's going on here? I am very confused. What else can cause a guy to have penis discharge and itching? I am guessing he did more than one test too.

Thanks,
J.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 2:28pm

He could have some kind of infection

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 3:38pm

Not so sure about the discharge if a guy has it, but Thrush (a yeast infection) could easily cause the itching and I don't think it that would be classed as an STD as far as the tests go. Best option is to talk to your Doctor about it. Good news that it isn't an std at this point.

Now that I'm thinking about it, it sounds like someone - either your b/f or the Doctor jumped to some conclusions about it being an STD before the tests were back in. This whole "how recently could I have got it" debate revolves around what type of STD it is. Without a test to tell you exactly what it was, any talk of a time frame (for example the two months that was mentioned) is only guesswork and theory. Yet your b/f came back from the Doctor's convinced that you had given it to him and had a time frame all worked out. Interesting.




Edited 3/24/2006 4:43 pm ET by westridge2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 5:09pm

Yes, I disagree with his doctor's attitude. He or she was almost positive that it was Chlamydia (from his symptoms), and the doctor also suggested that he asked me if I was cheating on him. When my guy asked the doctor if it could've been anything else like the yeast infection or bladder infection, he/she said "no way" So I am kind of upset with his doctor's unprofessionalism. When I asked my doctor about the possibilities of who gave to whom, she gave me the same reply as many of you did, that it's not important to put the blames at this point, the important thing is that we both get treated and practice safe sex from now on (and inform past lovers). I was diagnosed with UTI though, but it happened to me a lot in the past so I wasn't surprised.

Anyway... I am glad that this is over now. I'll do more tests next week just to make sure (including HIV). Thanks for all your support!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 6:39pm
Wow! I'm amazed that a Doctor would suggest to a patient that he ask his current partner if she is cheating on him! I'm blown away by that if the Doctor actually used the word "cheating". Hopefully your b/f is having a little think about all this and realises that he drew the wrong conclusions too quickly. Hope that it all works out for you.