control issue decreasing orgasms

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2004
control issue decreasing orgasms
2
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 8:51am
Okay, I have a question...

I know that I have a few control issues...like not necessarily controlling another person but controlling a situation. When I went to visit my boyfriend this weekend, we had sex 8 or 9 times the whole weekend and I only climaxed twice...both of those times from oral sex...when we were having sex it was really good and really pleasurable but I just could not orgasm...We even tried with my vibrator and although it was really amazing...no orgasm. Now for me it is not a big deal that I don't orgasm everytime, I just like enjoying him inside of me, but he however (though he hasn't said it directly) feels selfish when I don't orgasm. So...anyway, my question is, how can I learn to relax and not feel like I need to have complete control of the situation,I am pretty sure that is why I am not orgasming when we have sex, because I cannot let go and just let it come...haha no pun intended.... This post seems really jumbled and mixed up but hopefully you can understand what I am trying to ask....:-)

Thanks in advance,

Jenn

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 10:17am
Jenn, you really need to lighten up, and relax, and stop analyzing everything that's going on. You've been around these boards for a while, and hopefully, you read other things than your own posts and replies.

You're fairly new to all this, and if you expect that sex is always "earth moving" and mind blowing, you're wrong. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. Particularly when you're getting into overkill, 8 or 9 times in a couple of days.

Also, when you say sex, you mean intercourse. You had orgasms from oral stimulation of your clitoris, and that's perfectly normal. You didn't have orgasms when you had intercourse....and THAT is also perfectly normal. MOST women don't have orgasms from intercourse alone, and I'm not going to get into the anatomy of the situation, check out some of the other "I can't have an orgasm" posts. If you want orgasms, you need clitoral stimulation, simple as that. During intercourse, you, or he, or whatever position you use needs to provide that stimulation.

HE needs to learn that women are NOT like men......and we don't HAVE to have orgasms to enjoy sex, in all it's forms. We don't get "blue balls".....we just get pleasure. HE needs to learn that he doesn't "give" you orgasms, therefore if you don't have them, it has NOTHING to do with him.

YOU need to learn more about how your body works, and so does he. Both of you should check out www.the-clitoris.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 12:05pm
Well said Greentea...

I would add one thing only. The surest way to block and orgasm is to feel you have to have one. Enjoy the intimacy, and the closeness. Sometimes it's fun to just have nonsexual, but sensual contact. Try giving each other a massage with warm oil, but without sexual intercourse or orgasm etc. Your boyfriend needs to experience sensuality without orgasm so that he understands that at times it is not needed. Sex is about much more than just orgasm...it's about experiencing each other, it's about intimacy, it's about love.

Peace.

Scott.