Could use a few sex pointers...
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| Sat, 06-04-2005 - 1:40am |
I am fairly new to sex (been having sex here and there with my boyfriend for about a month) and last night during intercourse, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to be on top for a while. I said no. I am scared to be on top because I don't know "how." I'm afraid of embarassing myself. I have an anxiety problem and once I embarass myself, I hate to put myself in that situation again so I want to avoid any major embarassment.
I've seen "woman on top" on TV shows, but I'm sure it's a whole different story once you're actually doing it rather than watching it. Like will I be going up and down on him like a horse on a carousel? With my body completely vertical? Or will I be leaning forward more into his body? Or do I do both? I know it's probably a learning process, but if someone can start me off on the right foot to avoid me doing anything embarassing I would appreciate it. I have scanned these boards here and there and saw a few posts about "grinding" against him in order to stimlulate the clitoris.
So my next question is.... If I orgasm this way and he doesn't yet, do I keep riding him until he does? I'm guessing that would be the normal thing to do, right? I don't even know how to do this.. like how slow at first, when to pick up speed? I'm so confused.
Question:
During sex in the missionary position....do I just let him do the thrusting or am I supposed to move with him? If I am, for what reason? to try to stimulate the clitoris?
Question:
I haven't given him a blow job yet, but I want to and I'm sure he's expecting it soon as he has gone down on me during foreplay just about every time we have had sex so far. He hasn't asked yet, but I figure he's wondering when I might venture down there. I think I should return the favor at least. This is another thing I don't want to embarass myself doing. I'm just wondering how long of a process is this that I have to be working down there? Is it different for every guy? Do I start out slow and pick up speed right away or gradually pick up speed? He knows this during missionary position, but with me being on top or giving him a blow job, I can't tell when he's ready to speed it up.
I'm not even sure what to do. I think I read somewhere about holding the base of the penis with one hand and mainly concentrating on the head of the penis?
He also told me I'm very "soft" inside. I'm not sure what this means. LoL Is that good or bad??
Any suggestions to my post would greatly help!
Thanks,
Mysty

First of all, there is nothing to be embarrassed about.
Oh....the mind...It can get in the way sometimes. Sex, for the most part, is a silent language(not literally, but figuratively). You have to listen to your body, not your mind. Stop worrying about details, and just do it. Your body will direct you as to what feels good to you. His is doing the same for him. You're just starting out; there's no rush to be perfect. If you're so worried that you're doing something wrong, you'll completely miss the whole point of sex--to feel pleasure. Each and every time you have sex, is a new adventure. What felt great yesterday, may not be what you need today, so you'll experiment and try another way. Again, listen to your body, it won't steer you wrong. Sex is mostly in the mind, but you have to clear it of your racing thoughts in order to allow it to permit pleasure. The mind is a wonderful thing, except when it badgers you. ;-)
Tish gave some great tips, btw.
I agree with the others. Take the word "embarassed" out of your sexual vocabulary! There is NOTHING that should embarass you. Sex isn't that "serious"...and believe it or not, it should be FUN as well as pleasurable. Things will happen in your sex life that can actually be FUNNY and you should be able to laugh about them. It happens to everyone....people fall off beds, make funny noises, strange grimaces, whatever. Your partner isn't there to critique you, he's there to enjoy, just like you are.
We all were beginners, and we all had to learn "what to do". As the others said, communication is the key. Believe it or not, everyone of us likes things a little different, and with EVERY new partner, you have to talk about it. You do what you think is right, and then you ASK......"how was that? Did you want me to go faster, or slower, or move in a different way?" AND, there are two of you in the relationship, and not only should you ask, you have to learn to TELL him what you want. "not there, a little over to the left", or "that's too hard, be more gentle" or "OUCH, that hurts, please stop". He's there for his own pleasure, but he is ALSO trying to give you pleasure, and he can't unless you talk to him about what is good for you.
Oral sex is a perfect example. Every guy likes things a little different. No matter how many guys you're with, you have to ask each new one what they like. Some like you to move fast, some like it slower. You can't do anything really "wrong" with Oral Sex, unless you hurt them in some way. Most guys don't like to "feel" teeth, but there are some guys who DO like to feel them. If you gag, it's nothing to be embarassed about..tell him not to push so deep, that's all. (that's where the "hand" comes into play, it stops him from going too deep!)
It all comes down to being open about everything, and remembering that there are two of you there, and he's just as anxious to make you happy as you are to make him happy. If you ASK him how he likes his oral sex, he will be more than happy to tell you. If you tell him what you like, he'll be happy to know it. He's not a mind reader, and neither are you. Communication is the key to a good relationship, not only about sex, but about EVERYTHING.
Stop worrying....you aren't putting on a performance, you're experiencing one of life's greatest pleasures. Learn to enjoy it, and not worry about it.
PS: Don't worry about what you see in movies. That's NOT real life. Did you ever notice how usually the bedcovers are nice and neat, her hair isn't out of place, and her makeup is perfect? That's not how it happens in real life. The covers are on the floor, your hair is a mess, and whatever makeup you had on is GONE! THAT's real life.
Thanks for all of the tips everyone! I really appreciate it and I do feel like I have more confidence now. It's just that my anxiety problem makes me worry about everything sometimes. Even when he told me "you're so soft inside" I kept thinking "oh God, what does that mean? Does that mean I'm abnormal??" LOL
A lot of times,I really can't even hardly feel him when he's in me. I guess that's normal, but I swear I read somewhere else that there is a difference between a clitoral and a vaginal orgasm. If this is so, why is it people say there is no feeling in the vagina. If there isn't, how can there be such a thing as a "vaginal orgasm?" Even though I haven't had an orgasm with him during sex, I still enjoy the intimacy with him.
I'll take this day by day and see what happens. Hopefully he'll be my ONLY partner. He's someone I knew many, many years ago (he really loved me back then, but I didn't know it) and we just clicked now after meeting back up. I really care about him so I'm expecting I'll loosen up eventually and learn to talk with him about what he likes.
AND I will keep scanning this forum for other tips!
Mys
A vaginal orgasm is usually from G-spot stimulation.