Could use some advice/ help please.
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| Tue, 03-14-2006 - 10:51am |
Hello,
I am hoping someone might be able to help me out…
I have a few problems…I’ve been with my boyfriend D for the last 4 years and our sex life has been more or less… dead in the water. Through no fault of his own, I take full responsibility.
When I was 16 (22 now) I was, assaulted, I guess you could say. The boy was my age, but taller and stronger. He had pinned my down to the ground forcing my hands above my head, groped me and tried to force himself on me. I managed to get away, but needless to say, that event left a mark on my sex life.
My boyfriend D was/is my first sexual partner, he’s also the only one I’ve told about this and has been very understanding and caring. When we become intimate with one another, most of the time I have to stop immediately as it brings up memories of the past. I know most of you may be thinking that I should probably just go talk to a therapist about this instead of posting here… Well, I already have. Our insurance only covers $500 worth of sessions and each session costs $110 for 1 hour. We tried calculating out our budget several different ways, but no matter what we move around or cut out altogether, we can’t afford to pay for any more sessions ourselves. Which means it won’t be till January 2007 till I get another $500 from the insurance company to go again.
I was wondering if there was anyone else who may have had a similar experience and found a way to get around it? I really want to be with my boyfriend, as this no sex for several weeks, some times months at a time is putting a slight strain on our relationship.
Also, just to add to it… I have one more question. What do you do when your significant other is rather largely endowed? I know I get tense sometimes when we’re together because of what I explained above, but when things are going smoothly and we’re getting into it, it can really start to hurt. I’ll tell him when it starts to feel painful and he’ll have to start doing shorter strokes. It’s like he's poking the hell out of me when he’s all the way in.
I asked whether or not his previous girlfriends have ever mentioned anything about his “size” and he’s told me that they have said he is larger than the size(s) of other guys they’ve been with. At first I thought it was just me; maybe I’m just really small and tight. I don’t know what to do… It limits what positions (pretty much all of them) were able to do because of his freakin’ gargantuan penis.
Any suggestions on what to do with this situation?
I’d really appreciate any sort of help you can give. Thanks in advance! :)
~Zolga

I'm a rape survivor and in my experience, therapy is the only way to go if you can't deal on your own, which most sexual assault
There are places that you can get therapy at little or no cost, based on your income. YOu need to find one of them. Check with your local Mental Health Assn. YOu can't get past something like that on your own.
If you're uptight, then sex will be painful, regardless of his size. When you're not relaxed mentally as well as physically, your vaginal muscles won't relax, and you won't lubricate, and it will be painful. Being that he's your first, you really can't judge his size...and most women can accomodate any size within reason. When you start getting sore, try using some lubricant. That might help.
So sorry for your terrible experience. No woman should have to go through that, unfortunately, far too many do.
But many many therapists and counselors will allow you to pay on a sliding scale based on your income and what your insurance will pay. Many churches also have someone on staff to help with similar problems, for little to no money.
Check around, you should be able to find someone to talk to and that's when the healing will begin. Good luck to you!