Creampies, sticky facials...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Creampies, sticky facials...
25
Thu, 08-03-2006 - 9:47pm

Hi ladies...and guys :-) I have a couple of questions about this ubiquitous porn phenomenon. My guy and I like to look at porn together and it seems like on every site, in every video or picture gallery, there is at least one shot of a woman getting spewed on--usually on her face. There are even sites devoted entirely to it. And sometimes I see pictures of women drooling cum. Neither of us thinks this is sexy, but obviously there are women and men who enjoy it. I don't get it, but I have a couple of theories.

The first theory is that a lot of guys are fascinated with their cum and like to think that women can't get enough of it. Like maybe he's thinking, "Man, I love it when a woman loves cum so much she wants to bathe in it!" And perhaps women do it because they love the feel of their guy's cum on their body and/or face. Another theory, and this is from a sociological angle, is that it's a way to consensually subjugate women. We've also come across numerous non-BDSM sites where there is a distinct male dominance theme, so the validity of this particular theory would not surprise me. Like maybe since our society is shifting away from patriarchy, there is a need for a vast majority of men to attain a semblance of superiority to women, if only in the bedroom. I know this is the case for *some* men because I've seen pictures of women evidently not enjoying it, even being grossed out by it, so there is definitely a sexual humiliation overtone to it that appeals to a certain segment of the male population. (We don't go looking for this stuff; it's impossible to avoid pictures of women being sexually humiliated--they're everywhere.)

I'm also reminded of the Japanese practice of bukkake, which is essentially the same thing: cumming on women's faces and bodies. Bukkake came about as a way to punish adulterous wives, which makes me wonder if some couples are using it as soft BDSM play. I have actually seen it incorporated into BDSM activities where the woman is the "slave", or the sub.

Am I on the mark with one of these theories, or maybe all are applicable depending on the man and woman and their sexual tastes? Or is there an alternative explanation?

I'm very curious about this, and as you can see I've been doing a lot of thinking about it as well :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2004
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 11:01pm

I've only cum on a woman's face one time. I was straddling her chest and she was giving me a hand job. I don't know where the urge came from, but as I got closer and closer to orgasm I moved myself closer to her face. I purposely thrust my hips forward at the right times to make sure it shot on her face.

I had cum on her chest before, but she was totally not expecting it on her face. She got up right away and ran to the bathroom. The urge to cum on her face just happened - I don't know where it came from; I guess you could say I was out of control. I rarely watched porn back them, so I don't think I got the idea from there.

With all that being said, it really did make me feel powerful. Visually, I enjoyed seeing my cum on her. I felt dominant over her that I was able to do that, especially since I was straddling her at the time. There was a feeling that if I could cum on her face, I could do anything I wanted to her physically. Since I knew she had probably never had a guy do that do her before, I felt like she would now alway remember that moment - and it was with me.

Thinking back, I feel bad that I did it and she probably felt very degraded by it, but that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it at the time. I've never done it since.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 11:29pm

That's what I meant, that some guys, insecure guys, will feel rejected if a woman doesn't pretend to enjoy taking his cum orally or bodily. Just as there are insecure guys, let's not forget that there are insecure women, and I think, and you're welcome to disagree, that it's unhealthy for a person to feel that they need to pander to the other's insecurities. I mean, we all have to grow up and get over ourselves at some point. It isn't normal for a guy to feel rejected when a woman doesn't play into the fantasy of cum adoration. It's unrealistic because most women don't think cum is all that great. It's gooey, it's sticky, it's salty, it's bitter--for a small % of guys it isn't that salty and bitter, I know---clean-up is a pain. That's the reality. I do get the male fantasy of having sweet, lovely cum that women would line up to get a taste of and would like to fill their bathtubs with. If I were a guy, that would be my fantasy, too. Porn is about catering to the fantasy, and I don't see anything wrong with that, except of course when it's demeaning. A lot of guys fantasize about being a major league ball player, e.g., but they know that realistically it ain't gonna happen. They accept it and get on with their lives. Guys, secure and realistic guys, also know and accept that cum is not the nicest body fluid. They fantasize, but they know it's pure fantasy and they don't try to bring that fantasy into real life. A guy who expects a woman to play along is just as delusional as the 40-year-old arthritic guy who still thinks he's got a shot at the major leagues. His friends would be nuts to play along and encourage him to quit his job and pursue his dream of being the next Barry Bonds. It's also kind of silly for women to go along with the cum delusion, no matter how insecure the guy. You don't have to bend over backwards to indulge someone's irrational expectations. If you want to, that's your business. I'm just trying to provide a little perspective.

Just for the record, I don't think women have all the power in dating relationships. I've had my heart broken more often than I've broken others' hearts. I know just as many women as guys who are afraid of rejection and have been confronted with rejection. It's totally a two-way street. And I don't think guys should feel obligated to indulge women's unrealistic expectations, either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 11:54pm
Wow, it's great to hear from a guy who's been in that position. (No pun intended!) I do see how it could give a guy a very strong sense of being totally in control of the situation and the woman. I'm not averse to playing on our darker innate instincts that drive us to control and conquer, and for some, to be controlled and conquered. I think it can be very sexy in the bedroom as long as both partners are 100% consenting, respectful of the other's limits, and everyone's desires and expectations have been clearly articulated beforehand. I could see cumming on the face as part of dom/sub role play. I have seen it in BDSM porn, actually, and that didn't bother me. When a person wants to be dominated, at least they're aware of why it's happening and they're actively and willingly participating in the fantasy. I wonder if you've ever considered using this kind of thing in a BDSM context, assuming you know someone who would think it's a cool idea.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
Sun, 08-06-2006 - 8:10pm

Personally I think all of the circumstances or reasons listed for the act of coming on ones face are applicable, the important thing here is not the act itself but the spirit in which it is done.

For example I think the act can be used to degrade a woman and to demonstrate power over her (as in the Bukkake punishment) but personally I find the SPIRIT of this act to be disturbing.

But on the Flip side of the coin, if the woman is willing to accept and the man wanting to be accepted in this way (She wants him to, He wants to and feels accepted and loved by her allowing him to do this) then I really think that it becomes an act of mutual love and affection.

From the DOM/SUB angle... maybe it is a means of the DOM exerting power over the SUB but that kind of is the whole point, Allot of DOM women have there male SUBs do things like lick there shoes, or maybe the female will strap on a fallus and analy penetrate the male. Once again, it's all part of the fetish, and I feel (although it's not my thing) as long as everone consents, there is nothing wrong with it.

On the Porno angle, obviously the act is almost never tied to love but is done for many of the other reasons (though not all apply at once). The act of cumming outside the body is visually more exciting than cumming inside, and is allot easier to dramatize. And while I wont go on about every possible set of circumstanses and why I feel one is OK and one is not, I'll just sum up by saying if everyone looks to be enjoying themselves then OK; If someone looks like they are ashamed, degraded, or forced against there will. Then it's sick IMHO.

But hey, I could be wrong, everyone can feel any way they want.

-K

On a side note my wife and I have tried this (it was my idea, we discussed it beforehand and agreed to try) together once just to see what it was like, I thought it was ok but nothing special, she didn't mind it but didn't really like it either so we havent done it since.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Sun, 08-06-2006 - 9:26pm

"But on the Flip side of the coin, if the woman is willing to accept and the man wanting to be accepted in this way (She wants him to, He wants to and feels accepted and loved by her allowing him to do this) then I really think that it becomes an act of mutual love and affection."

I could easily conceive of a woman doing it because she wants her guy to feel loved, but that still means having to do something because she feels obligated to "prove" her love. I guess I have a problem with people who need others to prove anything to them. It screams low self-esteem to me. Like women who don't want their guys to look at porn because "If I was enough for you, you wouldn't need to look at other women." Like they feel their guy should *prove* to them that he finds them more beautiful and sexier than any other woman on the planet by never glancing at a picture of a naked woman again. It drives me batty when women do that. One person's body is not going to be the only body we derive visual sexual pleasure from just because we're in love with them. Women who think that are living in a fantasy world, same as the guys who need women to "accept them, all of them", including their cum, so they can feel that their woman adores them. There's just something really grating about that line, "If you really loved me...", even if it's implied and not spoken. I have no problem with fulfilling someone's fantasy if and when you really, really want to (I do it on occasion), but I do have a problem with a person cajoling, coercing, or emotionally blackmailing their partner into "proving" their love and acceptance.

"On the Porno angle, obviously the act is almost never tied to love but is done for many of the other reasons (though not all apply at once). The act of cumming outside the body is visually more exciting than cumming inside, and is allot easier to dramatize"

I hadn't thought about that, that seeing it is just that much more exciting for some guys.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 12:15am

"but that still means having to do something because she feels obligated to "prove" her love"

I'm not saying that anyone should do this to "Prove there love" so to speak, I just meant it more as something they want to do together that serves as an expression of love. Allot of things some people find "degrading" others enjoy doing and feel closer and more loving with there partner for doing it. Some people think that oral sex is a form of dominance and submission becuase one person does all the work and the other gets all the pleasure, they don't see that the giver can also enjoy the act of giving to there partner in this way, they just think an act that requires mouth to genital contact as a disgusting and awful thing and label it, I don't think that way... I love giving and getting oral, and I think most people here would agree that there is nothing wrong with Oral sex and while it can be degrading (just as any sexual act can be if done in a degrading fashion), that it can also be a wonderful thing that a couple can share.

Anyway, my point is, I agree with you, someone should not feel obligated to do anything they don't want to in order to prove there love. Just like anything else that is tried in a bedroom, it should be no pressure, loving, consentual and hot-wet-sticky fun (sorry had to throw that last qualifier in! :)

Bravo on the topic BTW, I think it really has sparked some intresting discussion.

-k

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:25pm

I'm not so sure that women SHOULD be encouraging their guys to express this kind of desire by obliging this act though. Is it a good thing to have a desire to dominate and degrade someone you say you love and respect? Does it result in a change in the perception of your partner?

I think it's all well and good to want to experiment and please one another but I think it's dishonest to claim that this is a loving act in any context. It MAY be on the woman's part, by allowing it at all, but unless she ASKS for it and enjoys some kind of sexual pleasure from it, then it's purely selfish on the man's part. JMHO.




Edited 8/7/2006 4:35 pm ET by katmandoo2001
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:36pm

I have to disagree. IF a woman is having sex with a guy, then she's already giving her ultimate acceptance. She's accepting his body and semen into her body, mouth, etc.

No, I think this has much more to do with aggression than a need for acceptance. Now, whether that aggression is learned or innate, I'm not sure.

I think there is a natural desire that some men have to feel as if they can dominate, own and control those around them, even during sex, and this is just a reflection of that. And whether that's due to insecurity, conditioning or natural instinct, I don't know.

The male response below seems to illustrate that as well.




Edited 8/7/2006 5:02 pm ET by katmandoo2001
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 2:38pm
I agree. Pandering to an insecurity certainly doesn't defeat or help it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 4:55pm

I don't think I am being dishonest, I am just trying not to jump to any conclusions about the intentions behind the act.

For example, I go down on my wife. She gets wet, her bodily fluids get on my face. She has an Orgasm, MORE bodily fluids get on my face. She's happy, I am Happy. Was I unknowingly degraded? I was giving her pleasure and got a face full of bodily fluids in return. I don't feel degraded and she doesn't feel that she is exerting power over and degrading me... so I don't see the problem. So I guess the question is "What is the difference?"

And keep in mind I am not defending it to defend myself here, we tried it once, not our bag, never did it again. But I beleive in the possibility that people can engage in this act in a healthy and consentual way.

I don't in any way condone degrading your partner, but I fail to see how all instances of this act can be globally defined as demeaning.

But hey, I've been wrong before.

-k