Creampies, sticky facials...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Creampies, sticky facials...
25
Thu, 08-03-2006 - 9:47pm

Hi ladies...and guys :-) I have a couple of questions about this ubiquitous porn phenomenon. My guy and I like to look at porn together and it seems like on every site, in every video or picture gallery, there is at least one shot of a woman getting spewed on--usually on her face. There are even sites devoted entirely to it. And sometimes I see pictures of women drooling cum. Neither of us thinks this is sexy, but obviously there are women and men who enjoy it. I don't get it, but I have a couple of theories.

The first theory is that a lot of guys are fascinated with their cum and like to think that women can't get enough of it. Like maybe he's thinking, "Man, I love it when a woman loves cum so much she wants to bathe in it!" And perhaps women do it because they love the feel of their guy's cum on their body and/or face. Another theory, and this is from a sociological angle, is that it's a way to consensually subjugate women. We've also come across numerous non-BDSM sites where there is a distinct male dominance theme, so the validity of this particular theory would not surprise me. Like maybe since our society is shifting away from patriarchy, there is a need for a vast majority of men to attain a semblance of superiority to women, if only in the bedroom. I know this is the case for *some* men because I've seen pictures of women evidently not enjoying it, even being grossed out by it, so there is definitely a sexual humiliation overtone to it that appeals to a certain segment of the male population. (We don't go looking for this stuff; it's impossible to avoid pictures of women being sexually humiliated--they're everywhere.)

I'm also reminded of the Japanese practice of bukkake, which is essentially the same thing: cumming on women's faces and bodies. Bukkake came about as a way to punish adulterous wives, which makes me wonder if some couples are using it as soft BDSM play. I have actually seen it incorporated into BDSM activities where the woman is the "slave", or the sub.

Am I on the mark with one of these theories, or maybe all are applicable depending on the man and woman and their sexual tastes? Or is there an alternative explanation?

I'm very curious about this, and as you can see I've been doing a lot of thinking about it as well :-)

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Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 5:16pm

But your wife, in turn, performs orally on YOU, doesn't she? There is reciprocation, I'm sure. And she isn't shoving her vagina in your face in the process, is she? She isn't shooting ejaculate in your face, YOU are actively putting your face down there. It's voluntary. You can remove it at any time. So, it's not the same at all.

In those instances where a woman has given consent for a facial, then that's certainly her choice but it's not a loving act on the man's part. It's for his own benefit. Therefore, not a loving act but a self-serving one.

As I said before...unless a woman receives some sort of mutual pleasure from receiving a facial, then it's for her partner's benefit only. So it's a loving act on HER part only.

That was my point and that's my personal opinion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 5:31pm

Ok, I see what you're saying now. That if he puts forward the suggestion and she gladly accepts, he might get a little love high out of it. Like, "She loves me so much to do this for me. I feel all warm and fuzzy now. And hot, wet, and sticky." ;-) The thing is, I kinda sorta see potential problems with this scenario because I have witnessed, far too often, and been there personally, the hurt feelings and anger that sometimes arise whenever people associate love with willingness to participate in sexual acts. It's all fine and good to tell yourself you're not going to take it personally if your partner refuses to try something, but in reality, for a lot of different people, it's hard to not get offended. If you feel loved when they go along, you're going to feel put-out when they don't. Which is why I'm a huge fan of emotionally divorcing love from participation. Gladness might be a better emotion because it's neutral and doesn't have the power to positively or negatively affect the relationship. If yes=love, then that creates room for resentment on the suggester's part and guilt on the refuser's part. Just my opinion (as always), but I think that if you're going to love someone for going along, then you should also love them for being true to themselves when they say "no". Problem is, I can't recall the last time I heard someone say, e.g., "My wife is so great! I asked her to do (whatever) and she said 'no'! What an assertive and self-respecting woman! I'm so lucky to have her!!"

Love isn't the only reason people go along. I've gone along in past relationships because I didn't want to upset or disappoint my partner. It had nothing to do with love, and everything to do with wanting to avoid a negative reaction, such as sulking, pouting, nagging, coaxing (which is very manipulative and burdens a person with undue guilt, if you think about it).

I am, incidentally, in complete agreement with you about how one person's degradation is another's good time. I probably do a few things that would make someone somewhere gasp in horror. What I had mostly wanted to emphasize earlier was how equating love and acceptance with another's willingness to do something was a bad idea. And delusional when you think others should pretend that things they don't enjoy are wonderful to preserve your very, very, very fragile self-worth. That was pretty much the gist I was going for.

About the oral aversion, It's been my experience that people generally don't enjoy oral for simple reasons for which there are easy peasy solutions. I was pressured into doing it for the first time before I was ready, and so I didn't have much fun in the beginning. I don't think, and I hope I'm right, that that normally happens in relationships. I think the people who see a dom/sub connection there are probably the kind of people who think a blow job is what you do to your nail polish to get it to dry faster :-) Yep, gave my fingers a blow job today. I was spent by the time I finished the last one, I tell ya.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 5:59pm

Getting vaginal lubricant on you during oral is not even close to the same thing as a man's ejaculation. Pre-cum to vaginal fluids is more of an appropriate analogy. Unless your woman *can* ejaculate and that's what you meant.

I don't know how a guy could get vaginal fluids all over his face during oral unless he's rubbing it in there. I've never had a SO or sex partner get anything girly on his face during oral except the mouth--and I wasn't spurting it on or in there, either, which is a different kettle of fish. I wouldn't find that sexy, but perhaps there are women who do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 6:49pm

I dont know, I think the discussion has gotten a little over complicated. Everyone has there own veiwpoint, earlier someone pointed out that the splashing of bodily fluids on the face is degrading, now it's more a question of which bodily fluid (as a side note I may not have vaginal secrections on my brow when I go down on DW but it is all over the outside of my mouth all over my cheeks and chin and often sum will manage to get on my nose, I dont hold my face two inches away and stretch out my tongue to reach and I dont stay in just one place the whole time or maintain a watertight seal either), everyone has different opinions, you might find the cumming on someones face as degrading, thats your right, Another woman may not think so at all and thats her right to. So I agree with you and katmandoo on those notes.

I just think that it is not right to say that certain one sided sexual acts are degrading while the others arent. It's all personal prefference.

Also I think that if there is fear of negative consequences for turning down an activity, or there are negative consequences for turning down an activity, there are much bigger problems in the relationship that need to be addressed; you should not be afraid of something like that. Everyone should be comfortable discussing and and being honest about both what they want in the bedroom as well as what they don't want in the bedroom.

And on the note of reciprication, yes my wife does do the equivalent act for me, not as often as I do it for her but often enough for me. But I also think that you dont have to give the classically defined "eqivalent" act, some people love giving oral but dont like getting it and would rather be gotten off by hand when it's there turn. And some people just like giving, If my wife came home for 10 minutes and asked me for some oral before she went off to work, I would give it, enjoy giving it, and while I would like for her to return the favor, I am not excactly keeping a score card of all the different things we do together to make sure that everything is balanced out.

Anyway, I am rambling.

I think what I think, probably not going to change my mind today. Everyone else has there own unique perspective, no one else is going to change there minds or the minds of anyone else. And I respect that. I just try really hard not to pass judgment. And on that note I will stop my flow of words on that topic.

It's been intresting,
-k

BTW: Love the Hot-Wet-Sticky refference, makes me smile every time I think about it! :D

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Mon, 08-07-2006 - 7:12pm
Hot + Wet + Sticky = Good*! *In myriad contexts, with varying activities, to suit diverse tastes ;-)

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