Cunnilingus

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2006
Cunnilingus
6
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 5:28pm
One thing I have always really enjoyed is going down on a woman and giving her oral sex. I have been fortunate over the years to find a number of women that really enjoyed sex and, short of anal sex, there was nothing that we didn't enjoy and often several times a day. My current problem is that my second wife loves sex but has had very little exposure and consequently tends to be a bit victorian. She will let me enjoy cunnilingus but says it doesn't do much for her (while for me it promotes a dandy hard on). She is O.K. with 69 which I find even more exciting, but I don't find coming in a ladies mouth a turn on and have rarely done it. Some ladies profess to like it (and some/most didn't). She might be thinking that licking her clit and labial lips is "distasteful" (some woman have been in my past life) but I have reasurred her that she "tastes great". What can I do to move her from tolerating Oral Sex to really enjoying it (like having orgasms)?
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: sexagenarian
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 5:43pm

Maybe nothing. She may never change her mind about it. But then, since she's now with someone who truly ENJOYS doing it, she may change her mind over time. Just don't push her.

How old is she? Has she ever said what she finds uncomfortable or distasteful about cunniliingus or are you just guessing? Remember, if she's older, she may have been fed the same old negative ideas about her genitalia and she may actually believe them. Of course, she may just not get any physical enjoyment from the act. Some women don't. OR she may have been abused in that way when she was younger. You never know. Much will depend on how she feels about herself but old ideas/attitudes die hard.

Make her feel safe, loved and adored, and she may begin to enjoy it more and more. But put yourself in her place. Imagine someone trying to pressure you, subtlely or otherwise, to like something you don't. Could get very irritating over time.

Be patient, be understanding but don't pressure her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2006
In reply to: sexagenarian
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 6:19pm
I guess communication is needed here. I have never pressured her and it only came up in a discussion we were having about revitalizing our sex life. She always seemed to like oral sex and so it was a concern to me that she was not finding it enjoyable (or unenjoyable). She is 6 years younger than I (I'm 76) and I love her very much and it is mutual. We are both in great shape (neat boobs and smooth skin) and are often perceived as many years younger. I know time may bring about change but I was just looking to possible words of wisdom from others. She won't acknowlege it (she just says it doesn't do much for me) but I suspect that she may be hypothesizing that it is unpleasant and that I don't like it as much as I say I do. Things can certainly go on very nicely as they are but if I can move her to enjoy it more, it would make me happy as well. Oh yes, when I brought up the issue of Erotic material (not hard core)that addreses Oral sex that we could share, she got a bit edgy so I have not pursued it. That may be just a hangover from mid 20th century. Any other suggestions?
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: sexagenarian
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 9:24pm

Not sure really. If she got the drill about being "unclean" down there from the time she could remember, then she may not ever fully believe that you could possibly enjoy doing that. It's sad really but whether those negative ideas came from men, our mothers, etc. it can definitely affect a woman's ability to fully enjoy her own body unless a conscious effort is made to overcome it.

I would suggest that you engage her in more conversation to find out whether she feels negatively about her genitals or whether she just doesn't get any pleasure out of the act. If it's the latter, then there's not much you can do but ask her to continue to indulge your desires occasionally.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: sexagenarian
Sat, 06-24-2006 - 12:10am

I'm just curious. Does she have orgasms any OTHER way? Does she have them at all?

If she really "detested" it, she wouldn't let you do it at all. She's enjoying it or she wouldn't let you do it. But, enjoying it, and ADMITTING that she does are two different things. If she's as "victorian" as you think she is, then she's thinking it's "taboo" and nice ladies don't do things like that, let alone admit to enjoying them.

My ex husband told me that it was disgusting (although he didn't seem to think fellatio was disgusting, lol) and that gave me a real hang up about it. It took me many years after my divorce to even ALLOW it, let alone enjoy it. And it took me a long time to believe that a man could really enjoy doing it!

All I can say to you is as long as she's allowing it, don't worry about whether or not she's enjoying it, because she is. Having an orgasm from it is something that she has to learn to allow.....and she might never learn that. As long as she's "tolerating" it, she's getting some pleasure from it, you're enjoying it......so enjoy it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2006
In reply to: sexagenarian
Sat, 06-24-2006 - 1:16pm
Thanks a lot. I can "suspect" certain things but it is from my male point of view. It helps immensely to hear from women that have been on the receiving end. It will all work out with the sharing of others like you. Edward
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2006
In reply to: sexagenarian
Sat, 06-24-2006 - 4:07pm
Well, I am like addicted to sex, you could say I'm a nympho...all the guys I had been with never really liked giving oral to a girl and I never really experianced it till my recent guy...the first time I really didnt like it...it just doesnt give much sensation...but I ASKED HIM TO FINGER ME AT THE SAME TIME and it was 10 times better...so maybe you could do that if you dont already...your just gonna have to make it feel so good that she cant help but have an orgasm...but you know I like it more rough than usual, maybe thats why it didnt feel as god without him fingering me...Goodluck!