Dating two women simultaneously?
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| Sun, 09-09-2007 - 5:09pm |
I have been dating a woman for about a year (let's call her "gf1". We have both recently become separated, and while that doesn't have anything to do with why we like each other, it makes me loathe to commit to her. This is not a time in life to just settle down again -- bring on the light and fun things; nothing heavy is wanted. Have always been clear about that.
Recently I started also dating one of her friends (call her "gf2"). Not super close friends but they do talk, and they have many friends in common to boot. I've been pretty open about it to gf1 although I tend to slightly downplay how intense the new relationship is, since I know it's a source of anxiety. Less so to gf2 (who's not local): she has no real idea of the extent of my 10-month involvement with gf1 -- she just knows her to be my friend. In fact, gf2 had called gf1 to say she was dating me and looked forward to spending more time in our area, thinking that gf1 would be pleased. It was a test of courage, I would say, in that gf1 steeled herself and apparently said good things about me, then called me immediately with a "wtf?!?" and I confirmed that it was true.
I don't know why I'm doing this except that I am attracted to both of them. It's as simple as that. I know it's rather mean-spirited of me; it has thrown gf1 into some wild mood swings, although she clearly intends to win this battle and has gotten both hotter and more adoring than ever. In fact, just before I went to visit gf2 last week, she made quite sure to take care of every molecule of horniness that might be present in my system lol. All weekend gf1 has teased me (not in all that lighthearted a fashion really) about sleeping with gf2 last week, which I did indeed do, but then gf1 took me to some key parties to meet her friends and then slept with me again anyway and intends to continue to do so. One of their mutual friends even cornered me at a party and advised that gf1 had confided her distress to her, and seemed to issue me a subtle warning when she said, "I know both of them very well you know."
I intend to have gf2 as my guest this week when she's in town on business.
Is what I am doing unfair? Should I be totally transparent with both of them (rather like the woman on Grey's Anatomy? lol). I believe I have been pretty transparent but not totally, especially with gf2. I don't have any previous experience with this sort of thing, and I'm not at all a devious person by nature. My body and brain are telling me is that these are both really amazing, smart, sexy, sociable women and I love hanging out with each of them. That being said, a real LTR with gf2 seems unlikely, in that she lives hours away.
Any advice on how to handle this situation much appreciated. How much to disclose to whom, and when. If I'm being a total miscreant, tell me that too -- no reason to candy-coat things.

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Well, my honest opinion is that if you want to date 2 women you should be up front and honest with both of them. They each have a right to know that you're having sex with the other as well. Fair? I guess that depends on how each of the women feels about the situation. What isn't fair is to be dishonest to either of them. What is fair is to be honest and take the consequences should either of them decide it's not something they want to be a part of.
Anyone that is truly interested in a LTR with you isn't going to be happy about you looking to have a relationship with another woman, unless they are comfortable with open relationships. In all fairness, that is something that should be discussed before you start dating a second women, IMO.
I'm willing to bet that gf1 isn't happy about having a gf2 from the sounds of what you've said here. She's gone into battle mode, and there's even a chance she won't want the prize if she's the winner in the end. I think it's further complicated by the fact that gf1 and gf2 were friends on some level prior to you starting to date gf2. You mentioned that they traveled in the same circle of friends. Odds are, one of them is going to loose out on everything in the end.
I agree with Misty, you should be upfront with both women and I also agree that if gf1 *wins* the battle, she might just toss the prize aside.
I wouldn't take gf1 being hotter and more adoring as a compliment just yet.
I agree with the rest of them. You do need to be honest with both of them. Its quite possible that they will fight over you then but I also agree that doesn't mean that either one will want you in the end!
And I agree that you are brave lol. Good luck though. If you think either of these women have REAL girlfriend-type relationship potential you had better make up your mind which one you really want soon!
Thanks for all your thoughts.
I am shocked and amazed, playah playah :-)
That's kinda hot!
Just out of curiosity, NOT because I'm judging do, did you use protection with these women and if so what kind?
Update: this is still going on.
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