Decreasing sensitivity...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2014
Decreasing sensitivity...
1
Tue, 06-24-2014 - 12:34am

I'm 27 (almost 28) years old and I've been with one partner. We've been sexually active for 10 years, with about 1 1/2-2 year break. When we first started dating we obviously couldn't get enough of each other and we could make out for an hour, I would be so wet and could hardly resist going further. We've been married for 4 years (the break in sexual activity was just before we were married). We went through a period of sex every night, then that dwindled down to a few times a week, then maybe once a week. I then started catching him watching porn (which I associated with no having sex). We started having more sex, but it's back to maybe once every 2 weeks. I know he isn't watching porn, and he says he is just getting older (he is 6 years older than me). He has always had a hard time lasting long, and he is always concerned with pleasuring me first.

But there is the problem - when we have sex I hardly feel him inside me and it takes a lot of pressure when he fingers me to feel anything pleasurable. I often fake orgasms because it takes me so long and I feel embarrassed about it. He also plays with my nipples, with his hands and his mouth, but I hardly feel anything from that either. I've tried to guide him but nothing seems to help.

Is there anything I can do to gain more sensitivity? I think if I felt more I would be more inclined to innitiate sex more (which he says he wishes I would do)...but when it's not pleasurable to me, I don't even want to have sex. BUT, I want to want to have sex!!! HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Tue, 06-24-2014 - 10:44am

Sensations and even "feelings" come from the brain as much as the actual sexual organs.  You're resenting something about him or his behavior, and that's how it affects you.  He says he's getting older?  Wow, 34 is NOT old in any sense of the word.  My SO is 79, and he's still "ready" at a moment's notice.  He wants you to "initiate".......so why don't you?  Stop worrying about orgasms, and just learn to enjoy what you're doing at the moment, not looking ahead to a "goal".  And, if you'd forget about orgasms, they'd happen.  When you're busy putting on a "performance" you're NOT enjoying what you're doing.  Not feelikng him in your vagina isn't all that unusual.  80% of women do not have orgasms from intercourse......it usually comes from clitoral stimulation, oral or manual, or the "g" spot, which is inside the vagina.  YOu have a man who's concerned with your pleasure, which is a good thing.  If you just relax and enjoy, that will help.  If you want him to do more things, or different things, talk to him outside the bedroom and discuss your problems, too, so he understands.  Last but not least, how long since you've had a good gynocological exam?  Maybe your hormone levels are off.  It sounds like the problem is more yours than his.  You have to work on it together......he's not a mind reader, so talk to him.  And talk to your doctor, too.