Desperate... please help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2005
Desperate... please help!
1
Fri, 05-20-2005 - 9:53am
I am desperate and need some advice! I have been happily married for 3 1/2 years and my first child just turned 1.
Seems like I have totally lost interest in Sex!!! I can't help myself. I feel so tired and just not into it anymore. I have to force myself. But everytime (ok 85% of the time) when my husband asks for it.. i try my best to do it! Now I found that my husband has been pleasurizing himself with online porn!!! It just breaks my heart! When i confronted him, he blamed everything on me. I don't know what and how to get myself going and keeping him happy!
PLEASE ADVICE ... anyone!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Fri, 05-20-2005 - 10:07am

Guess what......many happily married men, even those who are getting all the sex they want, will masturbate, and using on line porn for that is NOT unusual. It has nothing to do with "wanting" the nasty looking porn queens, either.

As for your libido problem.....it's perfectly normal to be tired all the time when you have a new baby, even a one year old. Do you work outside the house, too? Also, there's a hormone thing after you have a baby......the hormones are all messed up for at least a year, sometimes a little longer. When your hormones settle down, you'll get back to the way you used to be.

Do NOT let your imagination run away with you over this porn thing. If it really bothers you, then sit him down, have a talk with him, do NOT make it accusatory, but tell him it hurts you. Get HIS side of the story. Communicate with each other. Holding it all inside will NOT help either one of you. Getting feelings out in the open and compromising is what makes a marriage happy and strong. Better days are coming!