Did he have to try and sleep with me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Did he have to try and sleep with me?
12
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 2:08pm


Would he try to sleep with me on a first date if he really liked me?

Do those things have anything to do with one another?

Should I assume he thinks I'm easy, or is sleeping with the girl something guys have to try no matter what?

I'm confused, please help me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 2:59pm
how well did you know him before the date? was it a set up or a friend you've known a while?

how much alcohol was involved??
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 4:26pm


I met a month ago at a bar, we've talked on the phone but haven't seen each other since our first meeting.

There was a lot of alcohol involved. (We were celebrating my birthday.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 4:37pm

It depends on the guy with all 3 of your questions.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 4:41pm
I didn't sleep with him.

There was a major make out session that led to the bedroom and then I pulled the plug. He never even felt me up.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 5:21pm
Depends on the kind of guy he is and what kind of signals you're sending. He may never sleep with a girl on the 1st date, as a personal rule of thumb or you may have been sending the vibe inviting him to try. Some guys will give it a shot no matter what. I think you should just ask him how he feels about you so far.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 5:32pm
First of all, that wasn't a "first date".....it wasn't a "date" at all. You met him in a bar...and he "picked you up", or in todays vernacular, you "hooked up". You also said there was a lot of alcohol involved, so neither of you were exactly in control of the situation, OR yourselves. If you wound up in a bedroom somewhere, and he didn't have to "drag" you there, I guess he would assume you went there for a reason.

But, good for you, you weren't enough out of control to do something you didn't want to do. What HE was thinking is anyone's guess. If you haven't heard from him since, then maybe sex was all he was looking for, he didn't get it, and he's gone. OR, maybe he was drunk enough that he doesn't even remember it. Alcohol (in excess) does strange things to people!

As Tish said, all guys are different. Some might even think they're EXPECTED to try! I've even seen posts here from guys ASKING if they should try on a first date......guys can be just as insecure as women, you know!

I'm not sure why you're asking this.....were you expecting to hear from him again? If you haven't in a month, then I doubt if you will. Either way, no real harm was done, it didn't become a "one night stand".

Since he's never contacted you, what difference does it make what HE thinks of you? You know who and what you are....that's all that's important.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 5:51pm
Greentea you have it ALL WRONG.

I met him a month ago in a bar yes, we made out with one another yes...... outside the bar.... as he was leaving. He called me a couple of days later and for a multitude of reasons we hadn't been able to get together for a "real date" until last night.

So we went out last night,he came to my house and picked me up and took me out for drinks. It just so happens that my Birthday is today, so he wanted to stay out until after 12 to help me celebrate it. The bartender gave me a couple of free drinks on top of what I had already had and that is why there was too much alcohol involved.

I hope this clears some things up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 12:06pm
ok! i feel like i get it now...

how did he react when you pulled the plug??

lots of my guy friends are happy to run at the green light but are also very respectful of the red light...

SO- if you were all into it, he was into it- would he have slept with you? who knows, it didn't get that far! but i think the best thing for you to walk away with is how he reacted when you pulled the plug....

it may not have been so much that he was 'trying to sleep with you' as much as he was a little drunk (as were you), having fun and going with it so long as you were into it! good for you by the way for pulling the plug!!

have you heard from him at all since then?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 5:15pm
Well, that makes it clearer....it WAS a "real date". However, the rest of the original reply remains pretty much the same......Alcohol was involved, and a bedroom. The two together usually equal sex. Again, GOOD for you that you were able to call a halt to it.

And I still say that no one but this guy knows what he thinks of you. The difference is that it was yesterday, not a month ago. Now it's just a waiting game, to see what happens next. If sex was all he was after, you probably won't hear from him. If alcohol clouded his judgement, who knows.

I would suggest that if you see him again, try not to bring alcohol into it so that the two of you have better judgement, and if it comes up again, then it's time to talk, tell him how YOU feel.....and the ball is in his court.

Just as you don't know what HE'S thinking, he doesn't know what you're thinking either. Guys have just as much of a quandry when it comes to dating and sex as women do. Lots of women are perfectly agreeable to sex on the first date. How is he to know what you're expecting? So he made his move. Hopefully now he KNOWS what you think, and you two can get on with your dating. This is why talking about it, and getting it out in the open is the only way you'll BOTH know what the other one expects.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 1:57pm


He was fine when I "pulled the plug".

We kissed some more at the door, but ya know I think he may have said "I'll see you around." or "I'll see ya." or "I'll see ya later."

As he was leaving I'm sure I'm thinking to much into it but "I'll see ya around." doesn't sound to promising.

I haven't heard from him yet, but this all happened on Monday. Personally I get turned off if a guy seems to eager- I'm hoping to hear from him next week.

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