Did it, but wasn't ready...
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| Mon, 04-04-2005 - 12:32pm |
i love my bf very much, and he loves me. we recently had sex, after taking precautions of course. i thought i was ready for it (i was a virgin, and he knew that) and that i was doing the right thing with the right guy, but i woke up the next morning feeling awful about it.
i've always believed firmly in not having sex until i was married, to make sure that i was with the right guy and i didn't do anything i would regret later. i truly feel loved by my bf, but for some reason now i'm afraid. of what, i'm not sure - religious issues, cultural issues (this is a big cultural taboo for me, though i think more people are having sex and just don't talk about it), my own fear that i could somehow ruin my relationship with my bf. i guess i just wasn't ready for it.
the problem is, i'm now getting feelings of guilt about it, and i'm afraid he's going to start to feel like i'm being cold to him. how shoudl we talk about it? i feel like i should tell him that i just wasn't ready.
can anyone offer any insight? i've been feeling pretty bad about this whole thing.

I would say that it sounds like your are relegious and maybe that is why you feel guilty. If you have been taught all of your life that premarital sex is wrong then deep down inside there is a little voice that is making your feel guilty. I would say that you made a mistake and I would pray asking God for forgiveness. It may even help to talk to your clergy about it, if you think they would be understanding. If you don't think that they would be, then don't. Remember God will forgive you if you ask and are sorry for what you have done. I am not saying that premarital sex is right or wrong, but I think there is a little part of you that is telling you that it is wrong.
CH
You made a mistake, you're human, but you need to tell your BF so that he understands. Tell him exactly how you feel about what's happened.
This is your body though and it's your choice when to share it...AND you have the right to change your mind.
However, be prepared, he could react negatively to your change of heart but if he has deeper feelings for you, he will understand.
Edited 4/4/2005 3:00 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
Most of us, as children, have religious and cultural ideas taught to us, along with family beliefs. Sometimes, when we become adults, we decide that those teachings don't apply to us. Evidently, that's what you decided. Now that you've done it, you've got the guilties......so you have to reconcile in your own mind what is right and what is wrong for you. If you decide that it's wrong, then don't do it again.
And yes, you have to discuss this with your b/f. He will probably assume that now that you've started being sexually active, that you will continue. If you don't want to continue, then you have to explain your feelings to him, so that he doesn't think he did something wrong, or that you don't care for him anymore. If he truly cares about you, he'll accept your decision. If he DOESN'T accept your decision, then unfortunately, he's not the right guy for you.
We're all human, and all religions recognize that as humans, sometimes we make mistakes. As long as you're truly sorry for the mistake, and don't repeat it, everything will be fine. Don't beat yourself up over it.
Thanks for all of the good feedback, guys.
i spoke with him today and he was great. he understands, and told me (which, he DID tell me before) that it doesn't matter to him whether we have sex or not, it's all up to me and how comfortable i feel with it. he was great.
unfortunately, my religion doesn't really have a "clergy," nor would i be able to talk to anyone at my place of worship about this - it's TOO taboo. i have to work through it on my own, which i can definitely do, i just need time. i need to figure out how i feel about it and why i'm having such a negative feeling right now.
thanks again, everyone.
I know I'm late, but wanted to add some insight for those interested anyway.
The message board, Let's Talk About Virginity, is an excellent one for topics like this, located here:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlchaste
I've always found the discussion there very respectful and reasonable. My personal observation...
...I don't think it takes 'religion' to have a personal feeling of higher value for saving yourself for the one you intend to marry. Its a decision that is SO much different from the norm these days and if this is the feeling someone has, then it'd make perfect sense to me for her or him to feel uneasy about doing it.
Nothing wrong with any man or woman having this ranked high on their personal list IMHO, for I & the Mrs. do as well, although nobody is perfect, including us.
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