Did we have sex too soon? Please read (sorry long!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2013
Did we have sex too soon? Please read (sorry long!)
2
Thu, 05-30-2013 - 8:56pm
Hello,

I'm a 28 year old female and about a month and half ago I started
Dating this guy I knew for over a year.. We worked together and
Now he no longer works for the company so I called him up. We were really close at work... In fact people thought we had a thing for each other. Others said they knew we were "close" but nothing ever happened. Anyway, after I called him, everything went great, he texted me first the first few times then I initiated..

He paid for all dates (4) and didnt let me pay... We had sex on the 3rd date but it felt so right
Bc I knew him for so long... After sex, we talked about our feelings and that's when he told me he liked me when he first saw me 3 years ago but was too shy to say hi. Then he said when he saw me again a year later he was super excited..

He had to cancel our plans 2 days later, but he saw me the day after bc he said he didn't want to wait another week before he saw me again...

I saw him 3 days after that again AND the day after that (and he was excited about that)..He said how he thinks we did everything right by waiting until he no longer works there. He's told me stuff about his family and friends, and said something along the lines of "if you ever meet my friend someday..." He cuddled with me after sex with this huge grin on his face and told me he can't get enough of me... I suggested seeing him a couple days later but he said he would see cuz he is really tired from all the times we've stayed up late together... I said okay let me know, but he never did and I never asked. I let him be.

He's. never had a real relationship despite being 30... His parents have met
me because they had come by work and he said they adore me.. He told me how they met, how his brother and wife met... (all at work !)

I asked him why he never makes the first move sometime he said he's so shy! But it's weird cuz he's so confident at his job.
He's always been there for me. He's seen me cry , laugh, Etc. We've gotten into fights and he said he loves how we can laugh after a fight...

I got him this gift for his going away and he said It meant a lot to him. His friends and brother thought the same ..

It's been 2 weeks since I last saw him...He was the best man in a wedding the weekend after I last saw him. Then the following weekend he went out of state with his family.

A couple days after he went to the wedding, I asked him how he went and he said he had drank too much and was sick... But no mention of another date so I waited until 4 more days I asked him to dinner. We were suppose to go today but when I texted him to ask what were doing he said he had to cancel. Then I asked him if everything is ok he said yeah he has a business dinner meeting.. We chatted for a bit he asked how I was and eventually I asked when I'm seeing him next.. Now were planning for Wednesday . He told me he's been super swamped at work. And he finally started traveling so I know it's putting a damper on things and it is true. I know what he does and the demands of his new job.

I should mention 2 out of the 3 dates we've been on I have initiated the texting and asking, and we had great dates . He has also had to cancel 2 times before, and I had no problem with it So maybe I am looking too much into this. I think I feel this way b/c that one week, even AFTER sex, he still wanted to see me. he was the one who said all that. I guess my expectations went up bc he said it to me.

He told me his brother's now wife persued him bc his brother is shy just like him...

I know they say sex too soon ruins things.. But I did get to know him on a personal level at work... and after his work ended we still went out on 3 dates, and had talked in between.

Way when I first met him he would say things like marriage isn't for him... But on one of our dates he said his goal was to quit smoking before he has kids, but he already accomplished that (he quit smoking when he got the new job). And he told me he is old fashioned in that he wouldn't have kids unless he was married. . .

Anyway,
I don't feel like the sex was too soon... I did know him before well enough. We went on business projects together and talked about random things.. Life, family, futures, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2012

I don't think that you had sex too soon, it sounds like you were emotionally attached to each other long before you had sex. I do think that he sounds a bit immature and doesn't quite know how to be in a relationship. I think he needs be the one to initiate the next contact, makes me wonder if he uses being shy as an excuse to not have to put out any effort. Do you think that's the case?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2013
I think that could be the case... When I was on vacation, he texted me first a week after we had our first date (of which I asked him)... Then, a week after I got back, he asked me out (but I had originally sent first text)... Then, I had asked him out... Then he did... (when we saw each other 2 days in a row, after we had sex for the first time).. That's when all this happened.. A friend that knew him long before me said I am the first girl he has shown real interest in... Yeah, I don't think he knows how to be in a real relationship... I thought maybe he made reference about his brother and wife to get me to try to chase him because he said he is shy just like him... Who knows... I think I am just apprehensive cuz I haven't seen him in almost 3 weeks... I am suppose to see him in a few days and I'm nervous as if I am seeing him for the first time... Because I know him, I don't feel as tho he is playing me... I can't imagine him hurting me like that. If he had to let me down, I think he would tell me...