Different type of FWB situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Different type of FWB situation
1
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 2:52pm

I have this male friend that I met on an online dating site a year and a half ago. We went out for about 2 months, and it just wasn't going to turn into the relationship I wanted, but we stayed friends because we got along famously and really enjoyed each other's company. We've both had relationships since then, but are now both single.

There has been some talk about him wondering about his orientation, because he feels like there's just "something missing" in his relationships, and he's started thinking that it might be a deeper issue and that he might be bi-sexual, although he's a long way from fully accepting it and acting on it. He thoroughly enjoys being intimate with females, but is just kind of wondering if there's more than that.

So we talked a lot about it last night, in more detail than we have before, and at the same time, we discussed our friendship and how it's evolved, and what we mean to each other, etc. We're still physically attracted to each other to a degree, and being such great friends, it's inevitable that if allowed, things can happen (and they have), and with the depth of our conversation last night, we came to a comfortable understanding.

We're very comfortable together, both in and out of bed, and we just kind of decided that if the situation arises, we're not going to fight anything, and will be perfectly accepting of sleeping together, knowing that there's nothing more than that. We discovered that it's not so much about passionate sex, but more about comfort--sometimes it just feels nice to lie next to someone on the couch and be touched and comforted...kind of like the relaxing feeling you get when you get a massage or something (just to de-stress, ya know?)

We agreed that we were not a threat to any future relationships we may have, and that there isn't any awkwardness about it, nor will there be when relationships come into the picture. If one of us starts seeing someone, obviously nothing will continue between us.

So, does this seem really strange to you? I mean, it's not about "hooking up" and having hot, passionate sex once a week, like most FWB situations, it really is more about just comforting each other and just being, I don't know, sweet and friendly, I guess. If the bisexual possibility wasn't there, it probably woudn't be this way, but it's almost like we know that there's no way that it would be able to be anything else, so we're just enjoying the moment and our unique friendship.

Thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 8:19pm

Sounds like what a FWB situation should be.

Perhaps the potential bi-sexual orientation is the thing that clarifies your relationship and allows you to truly have no-strings-attached sex? You know that he isn't romantically interested in you. He knows that you won't be romantically interested in him. You can both have sex without a relationship getting in the way.